Been with my gf for a bit over 4 years. At the beginning the sex life was great, multiple Times per day however now, after 4 years its once per month and recently havent had sex for over 2 months. She just isnt in the mood, and when we try we cant. I tried being more romantic, cooked more often, bought flowers more often, went to restaurants more often, I even started going to the gym and get in shape, however nothing even remotly close to sex, and I just cant understand why. I love her, besides sex I wouldnt say there is a issue, however when is about sex she avoids the subject and says shes not in the mood. We tried discussing about this, however she said that she was stressed all the time lately. Its just absurd that I had sex more often when I wasnt in a relationship vs when I am and I dont know how to approach this.. What would be your advice on this?
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Flip the genders that’s me. Not in the mood, gf raging in frustration…
Ask her if she’s stressed, and mentally not available due to said reasons. Might need a therapist to learn how to carpe diem… Assuming everything else between you guys is gucci.
Oh I feel you man, I’m in the same situation and I don’t get it either man. It’s like they don’t want it anymore after years being together getting it.
Idk? Are you helping her? Taking her out? Making her feel wanted? Is she dealing with any mental
Health problems? I had to take a break from sex because my partner didn’t have a job and I had to carry the whole load. Maybe there’s something she’s dealing with.
Taking what she says at face value, what elements of her life seem to be contributing to the stress?
For example, how much of the household is her responsibility? Buying groceries, planning dinners, cooking dinners. Vacuuming, laundry, deep cleans, etc. when you think about all these tasks, is she taking on more than you?
Work wise, is she working more than one job? Lots of overtime? Does she have a larger financial burden than you?
Of course, I don’t know any of these answers. I say them as you mention cooking more often but if you really reflect, are there other areas where you know she is contributing harder to the household than you are? Doing so can sometimes create a parent-child dynamic, and that isn’t sexy.
That being said, if you are confident you split repsonsibilities equally or have tried picking up more of the chores, then it probably is beyond both of you.
That means, time to seek help.
Could be a medical thing, such as hormone related. It may be mental, perhaps she doesn’t feel she looks desirable or feels you are chasing for sex. Emotional, maybe she feels only wanted as a sexual object and unappreciated as a human. Psychological, there could be historical reasons for her pulling away from sex, such as past abuse.
Point is, if you really have tried everything, and she wants to work on it, it is worth seeing a doctor and potentially therapist. However, if she doesn’t want to address it, you have to think about balancing your needs and wanting this relationship and figure out what is the right path for you.
Man that’s tough. Sorry you’re going through this.
Not trying to be rude or ugly, but are you sure she’s still your girl?
Are you sure she’s still into you?
If I got a girl like this I don’t need a girl and don’t you dare wife her up right now. She won’t have sex while dating she’s sure not going to have it during marriage.
Sounds more like a roommate or friend.
And it’s not absurd you had more sex when your were not dating. This is why some relationships fail due to the lack of sex.
You both aren’t having sex but she’s having sex
Think about it
Your idea of getting her in the mood is boring af. She probably doesn’t want you to cook and clean like a mid 50s housewife. She probably wants you to slam her face into some dirty pots and wreck her from behind. She’s 26 not 85.
That’s the problem the more you keep trying the more she pulls back I know it’s weird but that’s how they’re programmed. You need to have an abundance mindset because right now she knows that she holds that power over you. And I’m not saying she is but do you think it’s possible that she may be seeing someone else? Has she been coming home late? Hiding her phone? Has she been talking about another guy recently that she works with or is friends with?
Honestly just work on yourself to improve yourself and not just for her attention. Don’t even mention the issue anymore. I’ve been we’re you are , show her that you can live your life without her validation, you need to stop being needy. If you see that nothing has changed then just move on, life is too short trying to appease someone who doesn’t appreciate you. You’re still young and can find someone who will match your energy.
I hope everything works out for you
There are plenty of reasons why sex can fade away in a relationship… When couples are new they are enjoying all the intricacies of their newfound love and relationship… These explorations make life exciting; give each person feelings of being excited about their future and likewise feeling fulfilled in their relationship… Sometimes when the realities of life settle in person can feel unfulfilled, unchallenged, and even stuck in their life… Part of a successful lifelong marriage/relationship is each knowing your partner well enough to understand how they may not be advancing all the areas of their life the way they imagined… Figuring out what she is missing in life and how to help her fulfill those areas may be what your relationship needs to get through this dry spell…
Stop trying to twist yourself into a pretzel to please the Queen so that she throws you a bone, and just break up now. It’s only going to go downhill from here, and no amount of chores, dates, or flowers is going to fix it. As a matter of fact, it’s probably only making it worse, she might thing you’re just a doormat at this point.
Personally, I would just break up… but if you want to try one more thing, then tell her that you’re not willing to continue on in a relationship where you have less sex than when you were single, so if she doesn’t figure out what her problem is, you’re going to leave. This issue never changes until someone gets blunt or makes an ultimatum… sad but true. But obviously what you’ve been trying isn’t working and won’t work.
Um, someone probably is. Might want to look into that a little more.
Went through a phase like this that seemed to come out of nowhere after a long period of good sex. ended up being avoidance of painful intercourse from vaginismus that developed during some stressful periods of life.
Worth having a conversation on if there’s a physical issue in addition to other factors brought up elsewhere.
The answer is simple, stop providing for what she feels entitled and say also u are not in the mood 🙂 or even better, find one who is on the same page like u, u are 30, plenty options out there. U don’t have to beg for it….
Instead of running yourself ragged doing all of these things, have you asked her “what can I do for you/what do you need from me so that you’ll be more in the mood for sex”
I’ve no advice bro but I can sympathise. I had sex twice with my fiance last year. We’re 7 months deep into this one and it hasn’t happened at all. I feel your pain
Sorry to say this man but she’s cheating on you. If you want to do something you need to tell her straight to the eyes what’s the issue. Women don’t respect men that don’t speak their mind
2 months no sex and your still with her?
1 month should be enough, no girl who is phisicaly atracted to you will do this.
No desire and only 4 years, that is wild.
At this point it doesnt seem to be fixable
The initial excitement is gone and this is who she is, assuming she’s not getting it elsewhere. Never engage in choreplay, it gets you nothing. Do your fair share and consider if this is what you want for your future.
DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT OR MARRY HER!
Women are built to desire sex way less than men as a baseline and if they are stressed as well , it can spirall into some very long periods where they will not be in the mood for real sadly . Men are biologically made to cum almost every day and it makes them feel undesireable , invisible or extremly frustrated like a itch that you can’t scratch to anxiety . I feel ya and you should try your best to talk with her about this , but be prepared to move on from a sexless relationship if there are no signs of improvements from her part .