I 30M think I’ve slowly arrived at the conclusion that I hate my 30F girlfriend. Financial stressors have ruined our relationship.
We have been together for almost 9 years. Lived through most of our 20s as a team. We’ve gone through many ups and downs. I’ve taken good care of her to the best of my ability, and she has taken care of me.
The problem, the way I see it, started the past two years. I lost my job in news media due to layoffs, after which I couldn’t find much work opportunity in my field, so became self employed and started a business.
We’ve both always been employed in the same industry (news), so a two income household. Similar salary ranges. Etc. financially we’ve always been “equals”
Although I was able to sustain half of our finances during my first year in business, the second year was tough, and I had to burn through almost all of my savings to help us stay afloat. I was on her health insurance during this time.
She grew bitter during this time about my situation. Made me feel bad about it constantly. Made me feel that she was “keeping the lights on” herself, paying for my insurance, and that I was not pulling my weight.
Adding to this, our landlords put our apartment on the market for sale. My gf’s parents gifted her a down payment so she could buy it, and we wouldn’t have to leave. This was great news at first, because we were able to stay put. But it grew the inequality in our relationship. She now felt like she was the dominant income AND the homeowner, and I just her tenant struggling to keep up.
Fast forward a year, I’m now employed once again. Full time in a major media corporation. My income is not what it used to be. I had to take a pay cut to get in the door. But it’s something and it’s stable. I am finally able to breathe, pay bills, have health insurance, and paid time off.
However, this isn’t good enough for her. She’s still discontent. A lot of her female friends are in relationships/ marriages with guys who make a lot of money. Finance, hedge funds, doctors, etc. They are able to take a backseat and let their men take the lead financially. She wishes she could do that, and once again, not have the higher income.
I’m not in that kind of field. I’d actually venture to say I’m doing quite well, all things considered. But I am studying to switch fields and go into CS (data science) which is something I’m becoming skilled at and enjoy.
But at this juncture in our relationship, where it makes no sense to continue dating, and it’s about time to start thinking if we’re gonna get married and continue on, I can’t shake this huge feeling of resentment towards her. It’s starting to feel like I hate her.
How would you feel in this situation? I just needed to rant and get this shit off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
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