I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Nothing really bad has happened to lead up to how I’ve been feeling, but I think I’ve fallen out of love. I don’t find myself attracted to him anymore, I’m avoiding making plans and texting him feels awkward, I feel like I don’t have much to talk about, and I find myself just getting really irritated with him. I think he feels more like a friend than a romantic partner. He never really does anything romantic anyway, and I’m the one usually making all the plans and dates and trips. I did get the ick a few weeks back when he got really drunk and dismissed/downplayed my feelings, and from that moment things seemed to have gone downhill for me. There’s some hygiene issues too which I’ve overlooked but now starting to bother me. I don’t know how to start to bring up the way I’m feeling. We have a holiday booked in a few weeks and I don’t know how that’s supposed to work feeling the way I’m feeling. Is it normal to fall out of love/lose attraction? How do you if you’ve been through this go about it?
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It’s definitely normal to feel this way.
It’s a sign it’s time to end the relationship.
So you have a boyfriend who smells funny, doesn’t put work into your relationship, and doesn’t seem to care about your feelings. Yeah it seems normal to fall out of love with him in those circumstances.
You don’t mention if you live together or not because that impacts how you deal with things moving forward but let’s assume that you don’t and you have this holiday planned, go on holiday and if you still feel the same way when you return, just break things off. You both want different things apparently, he’s not fulfilling you and you’re not feeling content in the relationship. Breakups suck but it’s better to end things and to continue on where you’re not only not happy but you’re just going to become extremely resentful for staying. Good luck.
Downplaying your feelings is definitely really bad.
And I think for only being 2 years in, not married, not engaged? It’s safe to get out now. Give yourself a chance to breathe a little bit before maybe finding your forever happiness.
The one thing you don’t want to do is keep this chugging along and then you’re still unhappy at 35 and about to walk down the aisle
Yeah, it’s normal, and I think you already know what you need to do. Have the conversation with him. You can’t control how you feel. Breakups are hard, but you’ll get more and more unhappy if you stay with him.
it is incredibly difficult to regain attraction once it’s faded. it requires effort and growth on both sides – and from the sounds of it, he isn’t willing to do that. instead, he’s dismissing your feelings.
there’s such a thing as getting too complacent – taking your partner for granted once you’ve been together long enough, and assuming you don’t need to put in the effort to keep the flame lit. there needs to be a lot of real conversations and mindset changes for that to happen, and if he’s not willing to do that, then there’s no salvaging the spark you had at the beginning.
Whether it’s after 2 months or 2 years, falling out of love doesn’t make someone a bad partner or a bad person. It just means the connection has changed. Love requires emotional alignment, shared growth, and mutual fulfillment and sometimes, over time, that fades. As much as it sucks for your partner you did nothing wrong and it’s better to leave with honesty than to stay out of fear. That’s not cold. That’s maturity.
In the same exact boat as you :,) came to find my own reassurance in the comments – it’s such a sad realization that the person you were in love with and had so many hopes for the future with just doesn’t pan out and I’m also working through accepting that and finding a way forward. Live your life. Be happy.
It sounds like you’re at a crossroads where your feelings no matter how hard you try to hold on aren’t aligning with what you need anymore and that’s okay… but have you considered what kind of person you want to be in the next chapter of your life if you decide to move forward without him?
It’s completely normal to lose interest in someone who makes little effort and has poor hygiene.
Chalk it up to experience and break up and move on. Life’s too short to spend time in a relationship like that.