I (31F) was not included on my boyfriend’s (35M) sister’s (34F) wedding invitation. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 10 years and have lived together for the past 9. I’ve attended every holiday, religious event, and family gathering I’ve ever been invited to. While I don’t have a close relationship with his sister, I never thought there was anything bad between us. She’s always been a little cold, but I don’t recall doing anything that might have caused that. I’ve only met her fiancé a handful of times, though they’ve only been together a few months so I haven’t been able to talk to him much.
I suspect I wasn’t invited because I’m not of the same religion, as I’ve overheard comments in the past about it from both her and the family. I’ve tried to maintain some kind of relationship, but it feels really one sided as they don’t really know anything about me.
When I saw the wedding invite, I felt really hurt and immediately told my boyfriend that I’m not attending any more family functions including the wedding. I don’t want to keep putting effort into relationships where I’m not respected or acknowledged. I also suspect his parents may have influenced this decision, since they’re heavily involved.
He was upset and basically said he doesn’t see how I am excluded and he’s sad that I feel this way. He then said that it would be wrong if I don’t go with him, and that he will not go if I am not going. He said it’s unfair to him not being able to go.
Is it wrong if I don’t go to the wedding, or is that just being petty over something small like this?
TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend 10 years, live together 9, but wasn’t invited to his sister’s wedding. I think it’s due to religious differences and feeling excluded by his family for years. Would I be wrong to stop going to family events altogether?
Comments
10 years? That is unacceptable and I would feel very hurt. They did not invite you so I don’t think it’s petty not to go
Are you not invited at all or are you just not named in the invitation? Like, does your boyfriend have a plus one and you’re just upset not to be named specifically on the invitation? Or is only your boyfriend invited?
Why can’t your boyfriend just ask his sister what up?
Also, the fucking bullshit of him saying he’s oh, so sad you feel this way. Wow. Wow. So empathetic, so kind of him, worrying about what the neighbors will think. I guess maybe that’s the answer to my question right there.
I would treat them as acquaintances. If you would attend a wedding with your boyfriend as his plus one for an acquaintance’s wedding then I would go and be cordial. But I wouldn’t give them much of my time or thoughts. I wouldn’t tell them what’s going on in my life or share anything important with them. Just acquaintances and there for my significant other. That’s all.
You’ve been together 10 years and aren’t married. They probably don’t consider you family without a ring.
I don’t like it, but you literally said “over something small like this” so which is it, a big deal or not?
But if he doesn’t stand up for you against his family, I think you have a bigger problem.
Grandmamma advice.
Don’t allow SIL in your head; it doesn’t matter what she was thinking.
Go to the wedding with your bf and have a wonderful time. You belong there because he wants you by his side. Allow him and yourself to enjoy the occasion; whether the SIL was petty, clueless, or thoughtless reflects only on her; in reality, she has little bearing on your life.
You have a boyfriend problem. He is sweeping it under the rug and acting like you’re overreacting
He’s in his mid THIRTIES, together for 10 years, and no ring in sight. His family is probably under the impression that he doesn’t consider you his future and thus are acting accordingly.
Wait so he’s allowed a plus one but didn’t name you on the actual invitation?
Just go to the wedding. Don’t cause extra drama
You are the plus one.
It’s not uncommon for unmarried guests to get a plus one rather than a named guest. It’s not that deep. Go to the wedding.