I have known my friend for 2 years. I was comfortable with our platonic friendship and have had them in the past with other women, but she did express interest in me early in our relationship. I started to feel attraction to her about a month ago, but it was in conjunction with some really heavy trauma in my life and a dramatically higher sex drive due to treatments for low testosterone. I fixated on being intimate with her so I invited her over with that intention. I knew I wasn’t thinking clearly and that I was making a mistake because I knew I was taking advantage of her previous feelings, while also knowing I most likely would not consider a long term relationship with her.
I was so torn up about it, I flat out confessed. I told her I valued her friendship, and I desperately didn’t want to lose it, but that I had basically invited her over for sex and that I wasn’t sure I could give her a relationship or anything long term and that I was admitting this to avoid this outcome altogether.
Instead of being horrified, she said was up for it and told me there was nothing wrong with forming new happy experiences, that she had correctly assumed why I’d invited her over, and that we are both adults and that we can try and see what happens.
I went along with this notion and we had a nervous but wonderful time together.
The issue is that the morning of, she immediately told everyone we mutually know and her family that we were now in a relationship, which I had expressly told her I was not sure about. It’s been two weeks and I feel like I’ve been roped into a relationship I didn’t want and that I’m going through the motions in order to not hurt her.
It’s been complete misery, as while we’re together things are ok, but the second we’re apart I can only fixate on how I’m just setting her up to be hurt, which is the last thing I wanted.
I know I need to tell her, but I feel like no matter what I do, I’m the bad guy, even though I tried to be upfront with her. Am I completely in the wrong? If I am, I’m prepared to accept that, but I just need someone’s opinion as I haven’t been able to tell a single person about this.
TL;DR : I slept with a friend after telling her I didn’t want a relationship, she agreed but then assumes we are in a relationship anyway.
Comments
Fucked while fucking
What are you doing going along with this? You haven’t been roped into anything. There is no relationship there and should have sat her down for a serious talk the moment you found out she was telling people otherwise. I sure hope you did set the record straight immediately with your family and mutual acquaintances. You need to reiterate to this person that you aren’t dating and never were, and you need to distance yourself from her because her behavior is unhinged and it’s damaging for her first and foremost.
Oh wow she is not well… I think you need to do damage control here but it’s going to be tough. You just need to be clear like you were that you aren’t looking for a relationship and that you two aren’t a couple. And she can no longer be a friend. She was clearly waiting for such a moment. No more blurry boundaries, it has to end for good.
You’re not in the wrong. She’s a psycho for telling everyone you’re in a relationship the morning after you had sex.
That would be weird behaviour if you HADN’T told her that this was basically just a one night stand and you couldn’t offer anything more but it is absolutely psycho behaviour and very manipulative given that you did set expectations before having sex.
Don’t feel guilty about telling her that you are not interested in a relationship and reminding her that you told her that right at the start. Then reduce contact to a polite minimum for a while (though I suspect she will lose it and you’ll have to go no contact…)
Yea you just have to repeatedly communicate. Neither of you did anything super wrong even though she’s not handling it very well.
seems like a rough spot you’re in, dude. clear communication is key here.