My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He has a friend(39F) that he’s known for over 12 years. They met at work, but he does not work there anymore, but their friendship has remained. I don’t remember hearing much about her in our early relationship, but at some point around the 6 month mark I started to take notice of this friendship. Her name always pops up on the screen in his car that she’s sent him a text when we are driving. I also see sometimes on his phone (when he is on it next to me, I never have gone through his phone, and I wouldn’t) that they sent each other memes and funny videos multiple times per day and he mentions talking to her a lot. I think they speak everyday even outside the memes too.
He mentioned to me a few times he has a certain celebrity crush. When I met his friend for the first time the resemblance between her and the celebrity crush is uncanny. She looks so like her. I also know that she is his type physically. They share all the same interests and have inside jokes. He meets her one on one around once every two weeks.
I know he has slept with three other women he used to work with at the place where he met his friend, but he’s never mentioned anything happening with her.
I understand that my boyfriend has the right to be friends with whoever he wants, but I can’t help but feel jealous and insecure about the whole thing. Am I being ridiculous?
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If he is not giving any signs of cheating and their messages are clearly platonic you have nothing to worry about
I have a lot of male friends and we really are just good old time friends, I always make sure my boyfriend knows them all and sees how our relationship is. If he’s not secretive about her and includes you in their circle I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
I am one for the belief that you give your partner unconditional trust, if they break it, then you’re done. Until then there should be no doubts interfering with your happiness.
You’re allowed to feel what you feel, and you can share those feelings with him, but, at the end of the day, ur right: you cannot dictate ur bf’s friendships, especially not if they’re long-standing ones that pre-date your relationship. The stuff about her resembling a celebrity IS ridiculous, tho, and ur only using that fact to help rationalize ur own jealousy. That part sounds like insecurity, which you need to address on your own, perhaps with a therapist. The rest sounds like something to address with ur bf to get his reassurance.
You’re thinking too much about her and what she looks like and not enough about him and his character.
If he’s the type of guy who wouldn’t cheat on you and would maintain proper boundaries you have nothing to worry about. If he’s the type of guy who would cheat on you, you’ll never feel secure even if he doesn’t have friends like this.
If he had any chance or intention of banging her he wouldn’t be your boyfriend. because he would have done it already before he met you. And she would be where you are.
A friend like that is a jewel don’t take that away from him.
She will also be your best supporter when hard times come providing the woman’s perspective to his thoughts. Womensplaining things to him and all.
Respect his world. If It was in equilibrium when you fell in love with him.
Being friends with someone of the opposite gender doesn’t mean anything. It’s not inappropriate, it’s not cheating, it’s not wrong. He made a friend. If this friend was a male, then you wouldn’t have blinked. This is your insecurity.
If he’s never given you any reason to not trust him, then trust him. If he’s not hiding her name, her texts, or her existence, he’s fine. He’s not sneaking around. He’s not spending evenings with her, or on the phone with her. They are just friends. A couple of texts, some funny memes, catching up occasionally, just like any other friends.
My view on it is this: They have known each other for TWELVE YEARS. If they were romantically interested in each other, they would be together. He would be dating her, if they both wanted that. But he’s not dating her. He chose to date you.
If you’re having trouble, try talking to a therapist about it. Because unless you find something shady, hiding messages, etc – you are over-reacting about this in a big way.