I (32F) have been in a relationship for 6 years with my bf (33M) is it too soon to want marriage?
I (32F) have been with my boyfriend for over six years now (known him for 12) Our relationship has been stable always, were happy and rarelt argue. We’re both in a good place financially, live together and always agreed that we’d marry one day and have children. A lot of my friends have been getting engaged/married and it’s been on my mind lately with my relationship. My boyfriend has stated before that he wouldn’t like to be proposed to that he’d like the tradition of proposing, which I said was ok with me. I tried to mention casually recently about us getting married one day and he said that he never thinks about it and shrugged. I asked if he still wants to and he said sure one day, maybe when things are better for us. Which I replied what does that mean? He said he doesn’t think we’re at a point in our relationship where he’d propose any time soon, so I asked what would make it that way? And again he shrugged and just said nows not the time. Not that im expecting it right this second or anything but I assumed maybe the next year or two. But he thinks it might be longer than that and that we haven’t dated that long or experienced that much together which I disagree, we’ve lived together for 4 and a half years, travelled to different cities and countries, we’ve gone to weddings, funerals, adopted a dog, tried countless new things together and our sex life has been great.
I just feel completely blindsided by his response and confused. He said he didn’t want to explain it any further so I don’t know what he’s wanting from our relationship to get to the next stage.
Im unsure of what to do and what to expect. I would appreciate being told when you knew you wanted to propose to your partners or when you’re planning to.
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He doesn’t want to marry you, you need to move on as he’s just wasting your time.
He doesn’t want to marry you. He doesn’t want kids. He’s trying to run out the clock on you being able to have kids. You’ve wasted 6 years of your life with this man. Don’t waste any more. Him refusing to talk through this is all the answer you need.
It’s time. If he is unwilling to commit to marriage…Find someone who is.
If he cannot communicate with you about the relationship, what’s the point? He is not in it by himself, two people who are on this journey need to work together as a team and he has shut you out. Don’t waste anymore time on this guy. If he doesn’t know after 6 years, he doesn’t want to marry you. He is just stringing you along for his own benefit. He can’t even communicate in an adult way.
6 years is a quite bit longer than average for waiting to marry. I think the average is something like 2 – 4 years or thereabouts.
Honestly though, from what you’ve said, he doesn’t sound like someone who wants to get married. I feel like his responses to you are fobbing you off.
That’s a long time in a fully combined and I assume exclusive and successful partnership. I was with a GF for two years and yet it wasn’t coming up. We’d talked a little here and there but I guess something in me knew it we weren’t far enough along to be considering engagement. We were good together, I don’t know what it was, it was just never the time. With my now wife we were planning and engaged within a year.
I would never say anyone should get married if they aren’t ready ready for it, but what exactly needs to change with him is a very good question. Or a deflection. I’d be wary. I realize some people are different, that they don’t need a label on it. Maybe he’s got no nefarious reasons, maybe it’s not his thing. But I personally would be worried why, and he can’t seem to say or want to discuss.
You’d like him to be clear about when he’s planning on proposing to you, but… He isn’t planning that.
Six years is not too soon to want marriage, but you both need to want it. He doesn’t.
6 years is a long time to date. He’s stringing you along because he likes having you around but he doesn’t want to take those more serious, permanent steps. If marriage & children are important to you, you’re wasting your time here.
It sounds like you’re in a relationship where your partner’s lack of commitment is causing confusion and uncertainty… and it’s important to have open conversations about what both of you want for the future because without that clarity, it’s hard to move forward with confidence. What do you think needs to change for him to feel ready to take that next step?
I think 6 years is more than enough time to decide. He should at least be able to have the conversation about what he thinks is lacking.
My husband proposed after 11 months and we’ve been together (happily) for 20 years now.
First, get the “well a lot of my friends are doing so” thing out of your head. FOMO is an awful drug that stems from immaturity. Can’t be doing that in your 30s.
Second, my first instinct is “dang 6 years that’s kinda a lot”. But then thought “hm okay maybe something isn’t ready or figured out”. Since you mention finances is fine that’s checked off. But there’s no details on what he wants family wise. Does he want children?
As a guy, I can one million percent GUARANTEE you that if a dude hasn’t expressed any sort of interest in marriage or children, and it’s been 5+ years, then he doesn’t want that period. He likes the way things are right now. Unfortunately I have noticed this become more and more common now among younger guys. They don’t want to be putting out commitment anymore. Why? Well I can talk hours and hours about statistics, how laws can be interpreted, etc.
I’d be interested in hearing if he thinks marriage is a scam for men, and whether he’d like to be married under a religious institute of some sort. In general I have noticed guys don’t really talk these sort of details so it would be interesting to hear his outlook.
If he can’t articulate exactly why your relationship isn’t ready and why he isn’t ready for marriage, he simply doesn’t want to marry you and doesn’t want to say so.
He knows by now if he wants to marry you or not, and he told you he never thinks about it. Meaning, he doesn’t see that with you.
If marriage is important for you, leave. 6 years is not too soon. Someone knows whether or not they wanna marry you before 6 years or even 5 years or even 4 years… don’t waste your time
It means no. You all aren’t 20 year olds. At this stage in life, if you don’t know by now, it is never going to be a yes.
6 months would have been too soon
At 33, if he has no particular ambitions for the relationship or starting a family, I don’t see that changing. If this is a deal breaker for you, you need to have a frank conversation with him so you can make an informed decision on how you proceed from here. Otherwise, you’ll be here in six years time asking the same question again.
You are the perfect age to get married. If he never even thinks about it, then he’s never going to marry you. If you want to be married, you need to find someone else.
i married on month one, if they wanted to they would!
does he want to marry at fourty when most people are half way through kids growing up and everything lol
if he wanted to, he would. simply put. my wife told me a few months in that she had to go to her home country, and i was sure enough to marry and move with her. he knows you well enough.
I am sorry to say this but I think he doesn’t want to marry you. I dated a guy for 12 years and he was not ready. I met my now husband, we dated for 6 months and he said he wanted to spend of the rest of his life with me and couldn’t wait.
Already in your 30s and 6 years in? I’d be asking what’s taken so long
He doesn’t want to marry you, OP.
No, but it’s probably too late. When a guy is 33, has been with you for 6 years and known you most of his life, and he hasn’t proposed or seriously discussed a timeline with you… it’s because he really does not want to marry you, ever. Otherwise this would have been on the table and planned out years ago.
He either doesn’t want to get married, full stop. Or, he doesn’t want to marry you… Hard truth to have to figure out but if you want different things, maybe you should figure it out.
You can have what goals you want when you’re ready for it. Your goals sound reasonable go for it.
SIX YEARS ? Too soon? Come on
You’re thirty-two years old.
Six years is more than long enough for him to know if he wants to marry you and spend the rest of your lives together. He needs to shit or get off the pot.
If he wanted to, he would.
Very early
Pretty much he wants what you two have right now. Thats not necessarily a bad thing if you’re happy and can see your relationship continuing as is forever. But if you want more like kids and a family you probably have to make a hard decision of ending this or forcing him to chose
There is no universe u do not know whether u want to be with someone for the rest of ur life after dating for 6 years…especially after living together for years.
I would make my decision after at most 3 years of living together. Ur Bf straight up doesn’t want to marry you or is worried about his financials post-divorce cuz he doesn’t see a long term future with u
>He said he didn’t want to explain it any further
This is not an acceptable answer
He’s not going to marry you. Why would he? He’s already got everything he wants along with the legal ability to just walk with zero notice or complication.
Is 6 years too soon to get married? What? No. I made it clear right away with my husband that I wanted to be engaged within 3 years and if he couldn’t do that then we would go our separate ways. We’ve been married 4 years.
Please communicate. I can’t believe how there are so many women who just sit around waiting instead of telling their man what they want and making him talk about timelines. Please have more respect for yourself than that.
I’m sorry to sound harsh. But please communicate instead of hoping.
I think what you should do is say to him that unless he is trying to throw you off the scent of proposing soon (possible), you’re seriously reconsidering this relationship. Who wants to hear that their partner isn’t sure at 6 years in, when you’re in your 30s?
Saying that you haven’t been dating long when you’ve lived together 4 years makes him sound emotionally stupid. And if he still doesn’t propose in another 6 years, you may feel stupid yourself.
If you want children before marriage (which maybe you don’t), you should at least establish those timelines firmly. Because that does have a deadline that is immovable. But yeah, I wouldn’t love hearing what he said either and you need to be frank with him rather than bending over backwards or worrying you’re being demanding. Talk to him calmly, but be honest.
Not too soon at all.
You say you’ve both always said you’ll get married someday and have kids in the future but it doesn’t sound like either of you are properly iniating or having proper adult conversations about this. At 32 if you want kids that’s likely to be something you need to get on with in the pretty near future… why haven’t either of you discussed the reality of that?
Why buy the cow when the milk is free
It’s an old saying, but it really tells the story well enough. Be careful and look into counseling. God bless 🙏. I’d marry you in a second.
Something my husband said before we started dating (we were friends for several years). He said that when a man wants something to happen, he makes it happen. Your bf is comfortable with things progressing along exactly the way they have been. He has no desire to change your situation or he would have proposed already
Six years and all he can do is shrug and say “idk”?
He’s not for you, you’re not for him. He literally told you he didn’t want to marry you and when you asked why he said “I don’t know”- because he knows there is nothing you can do to MAKE him want to marry you. He just doesn’t.
Move on
I think you need to have a serious sit down with him and determine what he means. I feel his response to you is vague and that’s unfair.
For context, I’m a guy in my upper 20’s. I agree with you that six years is enough time to propose. At a minimum, I believe you are in the right for wanting to have a conversation regarding marriage or at least the next steps.
I have a suspicion he will not propose to you and doesn’t want to marry.
I just came to say that after 3 years of being in a relationship, my now husband proposed to me.
Don’t waste time while he looks for someone to marry. You’re his comfort. After six years, you know.
After six years and living together for four of them, he should know by now if he wants to marry you.
And he doesn’t. If he did, he would’ve asked by now. He also can’t give you a real answer to your questions about what needs to happen in order for him to feel comfortable proposing, which is another massive red flag when he hasn’t previously had any issues communicating in your relationship. He’s purposely being evasive so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy and admit that he wasted six years of your life.
Figure out your exit plan and dump him. This is a pretty classic case of, “if he wanted to, he would”.
You think this relationship is great and to him it’s a placeholder and Mrs. right comes along. You’re in your 30s and together for 6 years? He’s not interested in marrying you. You might be able to force his hand which will cause problems later. He’s given you an honest answer, your future is in your hands now.
He isn’t going to. He has no clear idea of what it would take…and he isn’t spending time thinking about marriage, either.
The “It’s not the right time” excuse I’ve seen far too many times on relationship advice subreddits, when people wonder if they should break-up with (usually) boyfriends who aren’t proposing after years of relationship.
Generally, the answer is to break-up, because you want different things in life.
I hope to god he’s throwing you off track because he plans to propose in the next year. If you want kids than you are towing a dangerous line.
He doesn’t want to marry you. It’s wild for someone to be in a relationship for six years and not think about marriage – a friend or family has probably already brought it up to him.
He’s going to drag you along this “someday” path as long as you’ll let him.
I don’t think he wants to marry you.
If he wanted to, he would. Period point blank.
He sees you as a convenience, not a loving life partner.
If you want children and want to be married first, you need to hurry up so he is wasting your time. He doesn’t seem to want marriage or kids so move on and put your own wishes first because he certainly is.
You deserve better than someone who:
– isn’t sure about you after knowing you for 12 years and dating you for 6
– can’t articulate mysterious problems in your relationship that you don’t know about
– dismisses your concerns
– can’t understand how important a timeline is to a 32F who wants kids
Give him one last chance at a conversation just in case he has a surprise proposal planned and was trying to throw you off the scent, and break up with him. This is awful, I’m sorry, but he is not worth any more of your time.
Like, if he’s not ready to propose because he knows it’s not the right time in the relationship, and he refuses to explain why he feels that way, I don’t think you should be expecting him to propose to you, ever. Like, it’s literally impossible for us to give you any advice on why he doesn’t want to. The only advice I have for you is to make it clear to him what you want. And if you want kids, and you want to be married before having kids, my advice is that you need to find someone who wants the same, and that person doesn’t sound like it’s your BF.
If he can’t see himself marrying you and you want to get married. Guess it’s time to find someone else.
So harsh that he said it just like that to your face thou, what a way to find out he sees no future with you. OUCH! 😣
He doesn’t want to marry you but doesn’t want to lose you rn either. You are a placeholder to him.
When I met my wife of 22yrs I was fresh out of a traumatic relationship and never wanted to be in one again.
I resisted for 3 months until I couldn’t deny my feelings any longer.
The first time we had sex I was in love and knew I’d never want anyone else. In my mind I was married instantly.
We had to wait until domestic partnership was legal, then marriage to make it official but in my mind I was committed for life.
If he was your person you couldn’t keep him from wanting to commit to you immediately.
He would have already proposed to you and you’d be married for a few years now.
He should be dying to make you his wife. Wild horses shouldn’t be able to keep him from the altar.
He’s definitely not the one. Move on bc he’s only keeping you from finding the one who is dying to marry you.
This is the type of man that when you guys break up he will propose to his new girlfriend within 6 months to a year.
Good grief – 6 years, yes of course that’s long enough. He is just being a jerk. That and you’ve already given him all of the wifey stuff without the commitment so why would he. Your biological clock is ticking and will run out before this jerkwad does anything. If you want marriage, you should move on and go find your husband because this ain’t it.
My husband proposed after four years together and i was in my late twenties. We had picked out a ring together before that. I think your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you unfortunately and you should think about if that is enough reason to leave him or if you are okay with no marriage
This man does not want to marry you. I don’t think he could make it any clearer.
He needs to shit or get off the pot. No ring (and no date in sight) after 6 years is a waste of your time, girl.
He doesn’t plan to marry you. It sounds like you aren’t “the one” for him, TBH. If marriage is important to you, I would end this relationship. If you plan on having children, you really don’t have time to wait for him to finally get around to maybe thinking about marriage.
And absolutely do not have children with him without being married because that puts you in a terrible financial position, especially if you end up being a stay at home mom.
Even if children aren’t something you want, it seems unlikely he will marry you. He has wasted 6 years or your life already, so I would cut your losses and move on. You aren’t going to find your husband while you are still dating Mr. Maybe-when-things-are-better for us.
You’ve known each other for 12 years. There’s nothing that he’ll learn in 14 years that he didn’t already know by year 8.
Most couples in the US get engaged after 2.5 years. There’s no reason to wait, and he can’t even give you one. You need to be firm, especially if he wants kids. Your early to mid 30s is the best time to become parents (older, more patient, financially stable, but not so old it’s harder to conceive).
Maybe consider couples counseling to get to the bottom of his hesitation. Otherwise you’ll have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker.
If money isn’t the problem, and your dynamic isn’t a problem, he is the problem. Ask him for a timeline, if it doesn’t match what you want, respect yourself and leave.