I (32M) finally got to be with the love of my life (30F) for 6 months…and hated it.

I’ve loved this girl, we’ll call her Sarah, for a very long time. We’ve known and cared for each other for 15 years. It was one of those situations where the timing never worked out. She was always in a relationship when I was single and vice versa. We have both known for years that we’ve loved each other, but respected boundaries and cheered each other on when things were going well in our relationships. We’ve kept each other at a healthy distance because, frankly, our chemistry is electric and conversations between us rapidly evolve to romantic talk and flirting. Neither of us wanted to be the reason the other to cheated, so we maintained boundaries to keep that from happening. This was pretty easy because our careers eventually led us to living 5 hours apart.

In early 2024, she broke up with the guy she’s been with for 3 years, and, for the first time since we were teenagers, we were both single at the same time. I waited until she approached me because I didn’t want to sabotage my chance by forcing her to move too soon. After about 11 months of hoping and talking back and forth, she finally asked me if I wanted to hang out and I said absolutely. We make plans to see each other in late December when we both had breaks from work.

The first time we go out, it was exactly like it’s always been: fireworks. We get along great and can talk forever. Having a deep connection with someone is a huge turn on for me and we have it. One thing turns to another and we spend the night together. We start a long distance relationship.

Things are going really well for awhile. But after a few months, she starts seeming less engaged. She’s taking longer and longer to respond, sometimes upwards of 5-6 hours. We can’t really keep up actual conversation like that. Things start feeling more shallow. That deep connection starts to feel lessened. She’s always running from work to friend to family events and doesn’t seem to have time for long calls. We see each other a couple more times over the months and things go well. I voice my concerns to her and she says that she doesn’t mean to be distant, it just happens when she’s feeling depressed or busy. I ask her to tell me when she’s feeling that way so at least I know to expect it and she says she will, but doesn’t.

An example: I’ll text her on my lunch break around 1, knowing she may not be able to text during work. She gets off at 5 but doesn’t even read my message until 8, which is when I get a response to whatever I said. I’ll respond within 20 minutes or so, and then not get another response until after midnight.

One thing about her: she was in an accident a long time ago that has fucked her back up pretty bad. She doesn’t take opioids, but takes a lot of other medicines for it and gets shots to try to relieve the pain. The pain gets to her head a lot, which i totally understand.

The last time we see each other is for a long weekend. She’s weird the whole time, almost obnoxious. She acted very selfishly and kind of…like a slob? Which is so the opposite of how I know her. She’s always been well dressed (excited about outfits even), put together, clean, and considerate. That weekend her clothes were wrinkled and stained, she only took one shower, and she would just take whatever she wanted? Like, she would take the rest of what I was eating or decide we we going to do what she wanted instead. She wouldn’t ask if she could have some fries or whatever, she would literally take the rest of my plate and eat it without asking if I was finished. And that’s all whatever. My point is that it was very unlike who I know her to be.

She slept for a lot of it, which made me think she’s depressed. But It turns out she was taking a bunch of muscle relaxers every night. Apparently this has become a common thing where she takes over the prescribed dose because the pain is so bad. At one point during the trip, she passes out in my car on the way home from dinner. To be clear: she didn’t go to sleep. She passed out.

She was also near constantly going to the bathroom, to the point it was super noticeable. I told her I think the muscle relaxers may be messing with her and she shrugged me off.

When I got home, the communication continued to worsen. I’d text her at 3 or 4 in the afternoon and wouldn’t hear back until the following morning. I brought it up two more times before I had enough. At that point, she was sending me 2-3 texts a day max while I was sending her multiple texts at a time trying to stir any actual conversation. I told her I couldn’t do it anymore.

She FREAKED. She threw a thousand excuses at me. She’s in pain. She’s depressed. She kept saying that she “thought i’d actually understand”. I said I did, but that I needed to talk to my partner more than she was willing to put in. She told me I was trying to control her life and couldn’t believe I “wasn’t okay with her going out with friends”. I had never said a thing about her going out with friends, just that I needed to talk to her more when she was free. She finally threw in that I had stopped “fighting to be with her” which was very confusing given the context. I told her it was over.

I had hoped for 15 years that I’d have a chance at a relationship with this girl…and I ended it. I feel very conflicted. On one side, I know what I need and she was unable or unwilling to give that to me. Idk which. She was slowly becoming someone I didn’t know. On the other side, I wished she would have asked for another chance or tried.

She hasn’t contacted me back. Part of me wants her to reach out and try to repair things, but I doubt she will. I don’t even think I truly want do that. I just want what I thought we could be instead of…this.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

TL;DR: I finally got with the girl I’d been hoping for for 15 years. She slowly became someone I didn’t recognize and our relationship ended after only 6 months. I have no idea how to feel about it.