I (33F) and my partner (52M) are at a breaking point and I don’t know what to do

I’ve been dating my partner long distance for the past 6 years. He is an American ex-pat in Japan, and I am in America.

We have hit a crisis point in the last few months. He has expressed how lonely he is and how badly he wants me to be in Japan with him. I am scared to go because I will lose all my friends and family, who I am deeply connected with. My Japanese is also not very strong, despite my efforts to learn it, so my work options are limited because my career is in human services and requires strong communication skills, for working with clients and writing documentation.

For the past couple of years, I have agreed to take certain steps toward moving to Japan together, and then I’ve walked those back or not followed through. Mostly because I’m scared and uncertain, because I will have to get rid of my cats and lose all my connections here.

The most recent event has brought me here to ask you internet strangers for advice.

I got a job with an international company in my field, but in their email to me, they implicitly asked me to break the law and work on a tourist visa if my visa doesn’t come in time. I felt very uncomfortable but also uncertain that I would be able to ever get a better job. Losing the job could mean losing my relationship.

My partner told me it was okay not to take the job, but I was afraid he didn’t mean it when he said it. I am embarrassed to admit I lied to him and said I pushed my start date off into the future. He called me out on the lie, and I doubled down, and that outed what I did.

I know my actions were wrong. I’m ashamed to betray his trust. He’s been telling me nonstop for days how he doesn’t trust me now and questioning if I’ve lied to him about other things. He has accused me of cheating on him with my childhood best friends who are male. He’s said a lot of hurtful things the past couple of days that he didn’t mean, and honestly so did I.

He has trauma from past relationships that have given him trust issues. I’m afraid to lose my relationship because I love him, but I know the relationship is over if I don’t move to Japan.

I’m feeling completely lost. I don’t know how I can repair and show him I can be trusted. I feel he puts up with so much from me, and my family doesn’t like him or know him like I do. They keep counseling me why he’s a bad partner, but they’re overlooking that I’ve been a bad partner. They don’t see how he acts privately with me. They told me he’s being emotionally abusive, and I am scared about them being right as much as I’m instinctively defensive of him. I love him so much, it’s hard to see this as anything but the depth of how much I’ve hurt him.

I’m not sure how to move forward, with my family and my relationship. I want so badly to repair, and I want the life I’ve imagined the last 6 years. What would you say to someone in my position? I feel everyone close to me is too biased and giving me credit where I don’t deserve it, while giving my partner none

Thank you for reading all this :’)

TL;DR: How can I restore my partner’s trust in me after I betrayed him by lying about turning down a job for ethical reasons? We are long distance (USA and ex-pat in Japan) and this is one of the only decent jobs available to me there with my language level