I (33F) haven’t been the same since I lost most of my friends

I moved states in my mid-20s. This placed me closer to a large majority of my friends. I started a business and improved many areas of my life.

Unfortunately, my social life took the hit. I used to host community events at my home and would have many friends at my home at any given time.
But then, A few of my customers and other people within my social circle began actively sabotaging my romantic relationship(s) and business. People who once cheered me on, became mean and competitive with me. I got into physical altercations, had my life threatened, became excluded from gatherings etc. I’m no longer friends with my “best” friend.

During this time, I placed myself in therapy to process and improve myself and decisions. Bc of this, I now live a much more peaceful life and have created better boundaries etc etc.

But the gist of this post is to just say – I’m not the same. I want close relationships again. I desire to have kickbacks and gatherings at my home again. But I just can’t. I spend many days alone in my home. I have a hard time accepting invitations out. I no longer go to community events or gatherings except on rare occasions. Some of the friends I still have from before have called me reclusive. I feel so cut off from who I am. But unsafe to reconnect with others. I’m honestly very lonely.

I did recently pick up some side gigs in an effort to make new friends or at least leave my house. I hope it helps and maybe Ill feel more comfortable making new connections but I’m fighting pessimism. I don’t want to be alone all the time but I don’t feel motivated or safe to build close intimate relationships again.

It just makes me sad is all. I feel weak. Like maybe I’m not built for a “successful” life. Like it shouldn’t bother me bc “successful” people have haters and challenges. And if i can’t handle that, then maybe i can’t actually handle success.