English isn’t my first language, so I’m translating this story as best I can. Thanks for bearing with me.
A week ago, I went invited on last minute to dinner with my girlfriend and her friends — we’ve been dating for about seven months, officially a couple for two — . The night started off normal, but as the evening went on, the conversation shifted into some uncomfortable territory. I noticed my girlfriend began biting her nails, which she usually does when she’s anxious. The sound really gets to me — it’s one of those things that triggers my misophonia, and I can’t stand it.
After a few minutes, I felt like leaving. But it wasnt because of the noice, I was tired and had only been invited last minute. I even told her, “I think I’m gonna bounce,” but she didn’t like that. Her face changed — she got angry — and said, “Well, okay”. I got that she took that baddly, so i stayed. We’d actually arrived separately, each in our own car, so I didn’t see why I couldn’t leave early. Still, I decided to stay, not wanting to upset her or cause a scene.
The nail biting continued, and it was driving me crazy. I didn’t want to call her out in front of everyone, so I tried to be subtle. I took her hands, bringing them down from her face. I held and softly caressed her hands — it was supposed to be a caring gesture. We grab our hands all the time, (not for our mouth still)… She didn’t see it that way.
When she kept biting, I whispered, “The noise bothers me.” Suddenly, she snapped, “DON’T CONTROL ME.” I stayed calm and said, “It’s just the sound, it bothers me.” She raised her voice again, “THEN MOVE AWAY FROM ME.” So I left the table for a moment, went to the bathroom to calm down, and came back sitting at the edge of the table, trying not to make things worse.
Later on, she apologized for hurting me. I didn’t apologize back right away because I honestly didn’t understand how she felt about the hand thing until she explained it later. Before leaving, in the parking-lot she told me I’d grabbed her hands too hard, and that it felt like a microaggression, a form of control. That felt bad because that was never my intention. I regret not responding better.
Then she told me something that shook me: this moment made her see a possible future where I might hurt her emotionally or even physically someday. I’ve apologized since, begging for a second chance, but she said she needed time to think.
After everything, she decided to end the relationship. She said this moment proved we weren’t compatible.She said the good in me is very good — but the bad is too bad, too dark. She fears our future would only bring more pain.
I really want to give a try to this relationship, we are very compatible with our future vision and core values. I dont want to push things on her, but definitely not want to broke up with her.
I’m open to hearing everything.
TL;DR
In a restaurant, my girlfriend bit her nails, and the sound triggered my misophonia. I took her hands to stop her, but she felt controlled and got upset. Things escalated, and she ended the relationship saying we’re not compatible. Has misophonia ever affected your relationship?