So, I’m not really sure how to start this off as I am reeling a bit right now. I apologize for any formatting errors in this post, as I am typing from my phone.
Last night I discovered messages between my husband and a woman who he has apparently been gaming with a lot. I had no idea this women even existed. I didn’t even know anything about the game they play together, as in I had no idea he was playing it or anything. It’s a mobile game, by the way. And now I find private messages between them on another social media site. The texts didn’t say anything innapropriate (besides a love heart emoji after my husband accepted to add her on another app) but he’s kept this a complete secret from me. Its not that he’s chatting and gaming with a woman that’s bothering me, it’s that he’s kept it a complete secret from me, even down to deleted pictures she’s sent him. The pictures have all been simply screenshots from within the game they play.
I feel absolutely ridiculous right now because I know this shouldn’t be an issue at all. But we’ve had issues in the past like this, were he got close with a woman from his job and started hiding their conversations (again nothing innapropriate just chatting) from me and caused a lot of issues in our marriage and communication (him lying about her to me on a few occasions).
I know that my going through his phone wasn’t right. We allow each other full access to our phones but I still shouldn’t have snooped when I saw the deleted pictures. But now I feel like there’s a reason he’s hiding this from me. I know checking his phone screams insecure and like I might just be overly jealous. However, I only had his phone so I could charge it for him before work since his work hours have been longer than usual recently and the times they’ve messaged each other and played together are when my husband’s at the office working. Is this something I should be confronting him over, or is it nothing?
TLDR : Found secret messages between my husband and another woman from his game.
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This feels like either one of those ‘it’s exactly what you think it is’ habits or your husband is wildly neurotic.
The base principal is, if nothing is wrong, there is no need to lie. So, ask, bring it up in a way that doesn’t sound accusatory but at the same time is pushing for accountability in a scenario that would rightly unnerve anyone at the bare minimum.
This is gonna sound wild but perhaps you should talk to your husband about your marriage instead of internet strangers
There are reasons people hide things. The 2 main ones in a situation like this is 1. They are doing something they should not be, and 2. Your reaction in the past when using fully disclosure and honesty. Only you have the ability to assess the situation, if you can remain objective. Ask yourself about your reaction to the last time it happened and if it was moderate to severe enough towards him to warrant a trauma response.
Another big reason is that some people were raised in authoritarian households or in authoritarian religions or social systems, where hiding and lying, even about things people not raised that way would think of as benign, becomes second nature as a form of self protection.
If he is deleting things he is hiding something IMO. I mean honestly you shouldn’t do anything behind your SO back that you wouldn’t do in front of them.I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking for advice.Sometimes we get hit with things & in the moment don’t where to turn. I don’t think you sound insecure especially since it has happened in the past. Especially when your married phones should be opened to one another so don’t feel guilty or insecure.I would just confront him in a calm manner & set boundaries. I would also ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed. If he acts defensively then something isn’t right.I’m so sorry you are going through this, also messaging with other women many consider an emotional affair depending on content but still . I also don’t agree with gaming with other women.Would he want you to be gaming with other men,sending pics, & messaging? I’m not trying to harsh just be honest before your 20 + years in finding even worse things.It’s better to know now.Lots of luck sweetie.
He’s cheating. Run
You found messages between hubby and another gal, huh? That’s a whammy alright. Been there, done that, it ain’t fun, sister!