My husband is a man who I’ve posted and then deleted things about on here before but he’s got a temper. But for months on end, things are perfectly fine. We are loving, things are funny, everything is great.
But as with most posts on here, today was not great. Today was awful, in fact.
For clarity, he has a habit of running away from me in places when he gets upset. He left me at a concert because it got too loud, the vet because it was a waste of time, and in the middle of New Orleans because I made him angry. He also has the tendency to go from 0 to 100 VERY quickly and screams when he gets angry.
So I’m pregnant, and today was our first appointment. I was looking forward to it all day, and he seemed to be rather meh about the whole thing.
When we got there, he started quibbling about when I told him the appointment was. I am 99% certain I had always told him 2pm, but he showed me in his phone that he had written 3pm. I felt like he was getting weirdly stubborn about it to make me feel stupid, and I whispered, so frustrated, “I will start screaming if you keep saying this.” He was visibly angry at my response and got up and left the waiting room JUST as the lady called my name.
I had to chase him down. I didn’t want him to miss the first appointment. I yelled his name just as he was walking out and, pregnancy brain here, was almost crying. He threw up his hands and started walking back outside saying “cancel it! We can go some other time! I’m not doing this right now.”
I went back to the nurse and told her my husband walked out and I had to call him and coax him back in. He was yelling, “you’re not allowed to treat me like this just because you’re pregnant.”
He eventually came back in, but only after I begged him to.
Anyway, fast forward to the car ride home. I refused to apologize. I told him I was sick of feeling abandoned and like the things I want him to do are just wastes of time. I’m sick of feeling infantilized.
He get SO RED and started screaming so hard he was spitting everywhere. I just got out of the car.
When I got home, I told him to pack his bags and go home and he just laughed at me. I guess my question is….what are my next steps?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Your next step should be to consult a lawyer as this will only get worse.
This seems very serious. If you’re sure you want him to pack up and leave then maybe call the non-emergency police number and ask for someone to come and escort him off the property. Do you have someone that could come over and stay with you for the weekend? It might help to have a friend who could talk this out with you. You are at a crossroads. You didn’t mention how far along you are, and you should also be soul-searching if this is someone you want to co-parent with for life.
Your husband is not a good person. He is picking fights to put you in vulnerable situations where you will feel the need to apologize for his anger and making you responsible for monitoring and controlling his emotions. This is not a healthy situation. This is an emotionally abusive situation.
His emotions are his responsibility not yours. You need to tread carefully here.
I wish you caught the signs of his abuse a lot sooner before bringing a baby into the world with this man….
If you’re kicking him out then it seems you might be ready to move on with your child without him. So yes lawyer up and find a safe space. Family or close friends you can live with.
Best of luck. Also you should read this book. It was recommended to me countless times and eventually I got the courage to finally read it because I thought i would never relate to it. Please consider it
why does he do that book
…. Leave him and get an abortion. You don’t want to be tied to this piece of sh!+ forever.
This is not a healthy situation for you especially being pregnant. You have to think about what’s best for you and your unborn child.
I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I too was pregnant. My husband at that time probably needed mental help.
He is doing this on purpose when you feel the most vulnerable and when you want him beside you the most. He’s going to do it when you are in labor or right after the baby is born. He’s going to do it on your first outing as a family with the new baby. He’s going to it right before your child’s first school performance. Only you can decide if you are willing to experience that.
You might still have time to terminate if this was your first appointment, otherwise you’re stuck with an abusive asshole for the rest of your life. Read that carefully – HE’S ABUSIVE
This is a serious issue, seems he feels everything must go his way. To leave you stranded red flags. To want to set a different appointment at the time of said appointment is concerning. Reevaluate this relationship, be safe always.
You talk to a divorce attorney. He is a grown ass man who has no control over his emotions. That iisn’t “just how he is”. He choses every single time to explode because he hasn’t learned how to control his emotions. On top of being a hot head, he is manipulative and cruel. He does things, like walking out of the appt, knowing it will hurt you to your core and then he expects you to apologize. That is jacked up.
You are carrying an innocent tiny human. They didn’t ask to be created and they didn’t ask for him to be their Dad. Imagine your husband exploding in anger at the baby or while you are holding the baby? You can’t trust him to be a safe person. Your role is protect that baby and to protect yourself. Don’t you dare put that man’s sensitive feelings over the safey of you and the baby.
Please contact your local domestic violence service and tell them about your situation. Abusive men, which he is, tend to escalate during pregnancies, therefore placing women at greater risk during this vulnerable period. The service should be able to advise you on injunctions and court orders to keep him out of the home. Psychological abuse and coercive control are against the law in many countries so don’t hesitate to get support or think this isn’t serious enough. You should also tell your midwife or GP about the abuse so they can support you properly. You have options and you can do this <3
Why in the world did you get pregnant when you knew he was like this? Get out now before he starts abusing your child. He’s already shown his true personality. Stop ignoring all of the red flags and do something about it!
The words “great guy” and “temper” don’t belong in the same sentence. He’s 100% asshole that manages to hide it 50% of the time. You should contact friends, family a dv hotline, whatever you need to do to exit this relationship safely and consult an attorney.
Move out, divorce him, get full custody. But get some recordings of his screaming. He will be a terrible father. But none of this is your fault. Abusive people can be very good at just giving you enough to keep you. He is a man-child who makes everything about him. Sorry you are going through this i hope you and your child have a great life.
You need to talk to a lawyer and honestly I would consider a termination.
Do you really want this man around a small child?
Leave. At least in the US, if you haven’t given birth yet you can move away, hell, move across the country, and he can’t stop you. Do you have out of state family? Friends? A portable job skill? Go. If he has location access on your phone, turn it off.
You can then consider a conversation — text, email, or phone — about why you’re gone. But first get counseling for yourself to decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you are not.