So I work nights 1800-0600 and I got off work Thursday to my wife being really sick. 102.8 degree fever and one point. Normally I help take care of some stuff around the house, let the dogs out, get our sons bottle ready ect. And then pass out myself. We’ll this time I stayed up to take care of everything so she could stay in bed and rest.
So around 8pm the baby monitor dies and my wife has an app on her phone pulled up so I just grab it off the charger and take it with me. At some point of the night I noticed she received a missed call and just looked to see who and when they called. No biggie it was a Dr. Office but I look down and see she called a guy she used to work with. I dont remember her taking having the call so i look to see when they talked and it was at 11pm for 1.75 hours and they also talked for another hour and a half before at 7pm. Now normally id have left it alone and just say id talk to her but I remember that night. We were talking on the phone while I was at work and she had told me she was tired and was going to go to bed but got off the phone with me to make time for him. That made my red flag radar go off and I look back to see in the call history that this has been going on for a while now. All the calls she told me she’s gotta go for whatever reason were cut short to call him. At least from my standpoint it seems that way.
Unfortunately I couldnt help myself I had to know more and I checked the texts they had together and it just sounds worse. There were texts about my work schedule and when he can call, there were texts about books she likes that are “romance” novels and she gave him a list of books that she was looking at and he bought them for her. She told him that she cant talk right now because im around. Shit like that right? So im sitting here freaking out because why would she be doing this if it was just friendly?
Well I confronted her about it pretty reasonably I think. In the end, all she’s given me for information is that, theyre just friends, that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to him when im around, that they have been talking because he has “life” stuff going on and she’s just being there for him. I expressed the pain and hurt I had from this because of how it looks and she’s blown it off telling me its nothing, that nothing is going on. Basically I told her that I need to protect myself in this situation, I gathered my belongings from the bedroom and moved them to the garage and now im choosing to sleep on the couch. I dont know what im going to do from here. I feel like there is much more going on than I found and she is telling me but she refuses to reach out and communicate about it.
I tried posting in AIO but got zero traction. Im at a loss at what i should do.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You dont sneak around to talk to a friend. She is slready lying to you about going to sleep to talk to him. Check if they’re any hidden folder or deleted messages. Maybe they also send pictures.
Call it off. Your body is telling you what your brain is trying to ignore. And even if that weren’t the case, for her to casually invalidate your feelings is a red flag. She’s your FIANCE not your WIFE. Stop it now before it becomes a problem later.
Are people really this gullible? I mean damn you found all the blatant clues and you’re still questioning?
Before you leave for work set up something that will record her talking so you know ehst thry are talking about..
Either another phone or a recording pen
What you’re describing sounds like classic emotional infidelity. In my opinion, you should communicate to her that she’s emotionally cheating on you. Furthermore, tell her firmly that what’s happening is hurting you deeply and that she should care since she’s in a relationship with you. Her dismissing the issue only makes things worse. Tell her that you’re losing trust in her. And without trust, there’s no relationship. And no, you’re not controlling. It’s setting your own boundaries. If that doesn’t work, contact a lawyer.
Nothing going on is a lie. She must be seeing him when your at work. DNA test kid and break off the marriage, you may also want to do an STD test because if they are sleeping together there is always a risk she caught an STD from him. Are you only renting? She has to be cheating you can’t trust her. Break it off.
Straight up, call the guy bluff him.
“How long has it been going on between you and my wife”?
Do you really need a detective to map this out on a whiteboard for you?
Oh my god for your own sake leave her, she’s a grown ass woman. The relationship is over the moment you don’t feel love and safe under the same roof. We don’t need another source of anxiety
Thank God you didn’t marry her
Honestly, you don’t talk twice in a day for 3 hours total with a ‘friend’. Especially not behind your spouse’s back. You don’t text a friend that you can’t talk right now because your spouse is here. You don’t send a friend your spouse’s work schedule so they know when you’re alone… D I V O R C E asap
There’s a country song by a fairly new artist that says if you’re sneaking around… it’s cheating. She talked to him when you were away because she knew it was wrong.
You say fiance in the title but call her your wife in the post. Are you already married? If you aren’t then DO NOT marry this woman. It sounds like you have a child and it’s better to just pay child support instead of alimony and also losing half your shit.
The whole situation is just fucked man. She shared your schedule with this guy so they can could sneak around you. She cut her phone call with you short to go talk for over an hour with him. Not only that, she has been talking to him a lot.
Sounds like she has the hots for this former coworker as evidenced by the effort and amount of time she makes for him. You are just there to pay the bills and provide with your nightshift job with a schedule that is hella convenient for her shadiness.
How would you say your relationship was before this discovery? How is your intimacy? Does she initiate and does she make you feel desired or do you feel like it’s average and she’s just doing the bare minimum. That will also give you an idea of where you stand in her world.