I don’t know where to start with this. I’ll just say, I’ve tried the hardest on my own to work on the problematic relationship with my mother (70F). I’ve also been to therapists by myself and with her. Nothing has worked so far longterm. So I decided to post here hoping I’ll get some insight or advice on what to do. I’ll try to spare the details because I can go really in depth and loose track.
Through therapy and introspection I’ve figured out a lot about our messed up relationship. She’s this helpless, needy little person who appears to be great to everyone but she’s just unbearable to me. She has no diagnosis but I’m sure she’s on the autism spectrum. Also she’s part of a nasty new age cult where they brainwash them about all sorts of crazy stuff.
She’s the type of person who gets things done by whining and giving a vibe of helplessness to others so they can do what she asks for. That’s the most annoying thing to me. Also whatever advice she’s gives me has been awful and certain ones, I diced to follow, I regret terribly. I guess I always knew she was a bad influence on me but I haven’t realized to what extent it affected me. Being in contact with her is just detrimental to my happiness and wellbeing.
The only times I managed to have some peace with her is when I had regular communication with her, mainly over the phone because in person it’s always been unbearable. At those times I realized I’m becoming a sad little person who relies on her emotionally. The other route I’ve gone is to have no contact whatsoever. I managed that for long periods of time. That was very helpful in evolving in being independent in my personal life but somehow I always ended up back in her web. Either I needed money, when I was younger or that time she had a health issue I felt bad for. The thing is I can’t find no middle ground.
I’ve tried to communicate and let her know how I feel many times. At times she gets it but she needs constant reminders which is emotionally exhausting for me. When we went to therapy I ended up doing all the talking so that was a waste of time and money. From what I gathered, the cult she’s in has very messed up objectives on personal relationships and not existence of boundaries. Now you take an unstable person like that and you can imagine what’s the outcome. So I’ve to work with that.I’ll just have to say, I do take responsibility for the fact I’m a big empath and feel bad about people in need. I’m way better than I used to be but I can’t just shut it down. Again I could write a whole list about more examples of things I can’t stand about her but I think I got the biggest issues here. I really don’t know what to do anymore. What can I do at this point?
**TL;DR;**