We been together for over 15 years and she’s always been more of a spender then me, I am pretty cheap actually.
We have 3 kids
I earn more money then she does and I’m okay with sharing all of it for family.
Im in charge of planning budget and paying bills so I get to share whats coming of how we do so far with spending categories. Always been a struggle because its seems abstract for her.
She limits herself when shopping now, but still spend not knowing or asking if “its okay” fof budget.
I think it hurts my feeling, cause it makes me feel like she dont care that money she spends is part of my harf work
For example, she was put on sick leave and is off for at least 2 months, waiting for a little surgery.
2 days after she went off, she went shopping for 400$ of clothing for the kids and her. Some of these were needed but most of it werent.
I said” Oh maybe, we should sit down and adjust our budget while you are off”.
Her answer ” im sorry, I had forgotten I would miss some salary for a while”.
I just can’t understand how she doesnt even see that.
Her mum is really impulsive spender so I know it impact how she do spend money.
Its not about the amount, but it really ennoys me cause it feels she doesnt care about it, about me.
I told her, and she just go into apologize. And it goes okay for a while then spending goes wrong after.
Am I too controlling?
Am I beeing tricked?
Can someone just be unaware on anything related on money?
PS Most of the money spent as to do with kids stuff , and some spoiling stuff for her.
BUT, kids dont need 6 pair of shoes, a full cupboard of clothing, so much toys that they don’t play with some for months
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It’s totally understandable that since you like to save and she likes to spend, it will cause conflict. I would say just lay out some ground rules to help limit the spending
Some people just have an addiction to spending unfortunately.
Money is an incredibly important thing to be on the same page about in a marriage.
I dont think this either of yalls fault necessarily, you just need to sit together to figure it out. Her role model growing up wasn’t very good, but she does need to do some work on herself. You’re not too controlling from what i read here but you also need to put in some more effort to show limits on spending. Maybe sit together with a third party to figure out expenses will make more of an impact on her.
“It’s not about the amount, but it really ennoys me cause it feels she doesnt care about it, about me.”
Read this again to yourself.
You think her spending habits are a personal reflection of her feelings for you. That’s childish.
You both have different habits. If you want to be in charge of the finances, create clearer boundaries. Stop making it all about you. It’s weird.
And this is why I don’t share finances with my husband. Separate bank accounts work for married people. Been with my husband for 18 years and married 15. Never have shared finances, and ya know what. My husband has never said buying ____ for our kids isn’t in the budget. Cause if he did, we would be divorced.
Ask her to learn how to budget with you. Sit down together to do the monthly budget, so it’s not solely on you. Why? What happens if you die? She needs to learn this life skill. If she protests, ask her why she would bother to do something that is meaningful to you and essential for the family. If she continues to protest or not want to be involved in budgeting, then there are bigger issues. Everyone can learn budgeting. But ensure that if she’s having difficulty grasping concepts, seek a good teacher because the way you do it may not resonate with her. It’s worth the investment of having her learn budgeting in a way that makes sense for her in order to save the family finances long term.
Reevaluate your contributions to running the household and how emotionally in tune you are with your wife and kids. This may seem “out of the blue”, but it’s easy for cheap people to say that “people are fine with 5 pairs of pants”… because that’s how cheap people think. It’s a hard mentality to budge from. It’s not about having the minimal necessities to survive, but how people feel about living. Maybe she notices small things that the kids like because it’ll bring them some extra joy (I’m not saying spoil them, but kids don’t have to be raised cheerless).
You may be okay with foregoing buying stuff for yourself, but has this preference for “being cheap” now manifested into your wife not thinking of buying stuff for you? Do you feel as though you are being left out when your wife shops? It’s okay if you feel a bit upset at being left out, but you also need to communicate that with her. It would be healthy to set aside some budget after savings for you to have some money for leisure or fun. That may also help with the idea of spending money while also responsibly saving it.