To give a little context on why I don’t make that much money and 8 years ago my husband and his father kicked us out and left us with no money so I moved to a very small apartment with 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom connected to the bedroom. We don’t share a bed but the room we share it not big so the place between the two beds isn’t more than a few inches and when it is cold he does snuggle up to me and we cuddle and I never thought anything of it until I saw him going to puberty and my best friend who also has a son of his age said that it is weird now and that my son is getting urges and that we should get separate rooms but I really don’t know how to I can try and sleep on the couch but I don’t know if I can make that work longterm. Please help me.
I 37F share a room with my teenage son
r/Advice
Comments
For the mental health of both of you, one needs to move to couch.
Not everything should be sexualized. And I feel that people who do sexualize everything have been abused in some form or fashion. Just a take, but there’s nothing wrong with it. This really shouldn’t even be a discussion
I’m sorry but your friend is right, you need to sleep on the couch. Maybe invest in a nice futon?? Or look for a second-hand nice one for cheap??
So long as he’s being raised in a healthy environment he’ll be fine. Sleeping in the same bed doesn’t mean in a sexual way
Hard to live down sleeping in the same bed as the mom, but due to circumstances, what can you do?
You’re good for considering what you wrote down. You’ll figure it out. You have a roof over your heads so congratulations, Ma’am.
Maybe a sheet hung between the beds to separate the spaces? Would give you both a tiny bit of privacy
You definitely have to separate whether that means you sleep on the couch or he sleeps on the couch is entirely up to you, but since he’s going through that time in his life, his hormones are gonna be off the chain and you don’t wanna have him thinking ill thoughts of you
Wildly inappropriate. I don’t care how uncomfortable the couch is. Sleep out there.
Either get a pull out couch or move your bed to the living room. My bed was in the living room for years because I knew my daughter needed her own space. (Lots to the back story) Didn’t care what any one thought when they would visit because it’s about my child not my decor.
One of you needs to sleep in the other room and you need to get dressed in separate spaces too.
Read about the theory behind the oedipus complex to help make up your mind.
Good for you providing for yourself and your son , this is the next sacrifice you need to make. Maybe ask your son to find work too while he’s in school to help contribute to the house. Seek child support from his father if you’re in a country that allows and supports you in this regard
You have a couch but not enough room to push the beds apart? Solution. Go to the local goodwill/St Vinny’s/church/FB marketplace and exchange couch for a futon
It’s difficult in your situation but as guys grow to adulthood they definately need privacy and it’s good for both of you to have some privacy maybe the temporary solution would be to have bunker bed one above the another so with that atleast the closeness could be avoided and Lil privacy can be added as both of you would be sleeping at different levels.
There are some pretty affordable pull out couches that will make it more comfortable for you. Some pretty affordable/compact Murphy beds too. I’ve been furniture shopping for a studio apartment, and I’ve been looking for options to give myself more floorspace when I need. Those options would give you a much more comfortable space to sleep, and can be hidden away quickly.
I would strongly advise for one to sleep on the couch or maybe put something between both of you. puberty teenage boy hormones are smth else, it’s def the best for him and yourself.
I think the reason you are in the situation is significant context, so I wouldn’t be overly concerned or beat yourself up about having to have done it. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice to get by. Even if it’s just privacy.
It’s not like you guys have a four bedroom house and are just cuddling up each night out of choice. I also feel like some folks are overly sexualizing this like someone else said.
That said, if this is going to be a longer term living situation it’s still probably not a bad idea to work out some other sleeping arrangements. If anything just for a little balance and privacy to each other, especially living in such a small space overall. Just some private time for each of you is important, even if that just means you freely pick your nose and fart or other mundane things one only does alone.
I’m sure money is a factor given your situation, but maybe a goal to work towards is getting a sofa that has a hideaway bed.
Unwanted advice. It might help if you change your user name to single mom instead of single mommy. I feel like these names have different vibes. I could be wrong 🤷🏻♂️
Hey nothing wrong with sleeping on the couch and it sounds like you’ll both benefit from having that distance between you at night.
If you’re not currently in the position to buy a sofabed, just put a sheet and a couple of blankets on the couch (& a pillow). It’s the next best thing to both of you having your own rooms.
I started sleeping on the couch occasionally because husband snores while I talk (& sometimes walk) in my sleep. We both get a good night’s sleep now… and I’m still sleeping on the couch.
My opinion isn’t important here but I think you might find it works better than expected.
Bro is gonna be jacking off soon you need to get your own room
Why do you have a living room if your child doesn’t have their own room? Personal I would give the kid the bedroom and the living room would be my new bedroom. Get rid of the couch and get a bed. Work on a two bedroom apartment.
This is not just weird, it’s inappropriate. One of you should move to the couch.
And you should seek out child support for your son from your ex.
Your son is a teenager, you don’t say how old but hopefully not much older than 13. It’s time you both had a little privacy in life. He needs the bedroom to himself and you need to get a sleep sofa or futon for yourself. I’ve had a futon sofa I slept on regularly, fold it up during the day and used as a sofa, it was comfortable. If you’re cold, buy a couple duvet blankets or electric blankets.
What country are you in?
If you’re in the UK apply to housing association. Your son especially needs his own space.
Maybe replace the couch with a daybed or a couch that has a pull out bed?
Move one bed to the living room. Boom. Two bedroom apartment!