TL;DR: wife has a horrible temper and I don’t know how to handle it.
Been married 14 years and have 2 youngish children. My wife has an horrific temper, which includes throwing things, crying, screaming. She will also have bouts of excessive crying / sobbing when she is angry; it’s as if someone has died- I have no way to explain it the sheer emotion.
I have to try my best to not upset her in anyway, otherwise I fear she will have a meltdown down. Her anger can last for days, if not weeks weeks at a time.
I don’t know what to do.
She has never ever admitted to being wrong: as an example, she took an afternoon off to visit a solicitor and at the last minute he cancelled the appointment. She became very upset that she had wasted her annual leave and took the anger out on me.
Outside, she is perfect. Always super polite and friend but at home she is very different. What should I do?
Comments
Login here to leave a comment
She needs therapy and a psychiatrist.
This is not something your kids should have to deal with. I’m sure it’s terrible for you too, but they have no choice and no agency. She needs to get help, and you need to consider an exit plan that puts your kids first.
Anger issues. If she doesn’t accept that things are going to stay the same, and probably get worse. She needs to start working on herself, and hard. What do you do? If you see no real commitment to change, your life with her will be hell.
Take her to a vacation like mountains so she can chill the fuck down from all the office work and pressure and things she’s going through you both need a break from citylife
Is this a new development or has she always been like that?
She sounds like a narcissist. They can control their abusive behaviour outside the house because they don’t want to look bad and reputation is everything to them. At home however they just unleash their real personality and use their family as emotional / physical punching bags.
You need to document every instance of abuse and prepare your exit. Protect your children. You deserve better.
Could she possibly have an undiagnosed neurodivergence? She should not be taking the aggression out on her family but can relate to being angry due to insignificant events.
This is abuse, OP. Screaming, crying, throwing things, and taking her anger out on you – esp where the kids are exposed to it, is abuse. She can and does behave everywhere else, but behind closed doors, she’s angry, unpredictable, and forcing you to walk on eggshells in your home.
This is not a good life for you or the kids.
I can’t tell you how to proceed, but I can say if it were me, and if recording things there is legal, I’d be getting some evidence of her behaviour and getting me and the kids out – and finding a lawyer to handle going for full custody.
OP, this IS a form of abuse, and you don’t deserve to live this way, nor do your kids. Be safe, protect yourself and the children.
You’re describing an abusive relationship OP, start keeping a journal of each and every occasion she overreacts like this – what sets her off, what her response is, stick to the facts. Consult a divorce attorney and push for full custody of the kids – as bad as this is for you, it’ll be worse for them.
She’s not perfect, time to admit that.