So I made a mistake and I assumed that all girls get hit on a little, especially if they are good looking which I think my GF is.
We had a conversation and she said to me she doesn’t get hit on and I basically said I don’t believe you and your probably ignore it or not noticing it.
I basically said all attractive girls get hit on, even girls who are not conveniently attractive still get approached by guys. I thought it would just my GF not noticing her surrounds but I was wrong, she just didn’t get hit on at all. Not even from random dudes on instagram and I have accidentally made her feel ugly. I said sorry to her and that, and that my logic was flawed etc and not to take it serious but she is now and I feel really bad about it.
I still sort of am in disbelief a bit because my GF is really attractive. We went out to a club a few times and not once and I got approached by a girl which I think set her off making her feel insecure.
I’m not really too sure what to do here to correct my mistake, any advice please?
Comments
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I think flowers and chocolates go a long way.
Unfortunately there’s not much you can do to calm someone else’s insecurities. You think she is beautiful. Treat her like you think she is beautiful. Don’t make big sudden changes or it’ll feel like you’re just compensating. But give her affection, find excuses to compliment her appearance, show extra appreciation for the kind things she says and does. Just make her feel like the apple of your eye. You’re right, she will recover.
Get off Reddit and go love your girl bro
You basically have gotta make her feel gorgeous as much as you can but not over the top so she thinks your doing it on purpose.
I find this works best. I’ve said some dumb things to my wife and she sticks around lol.
Change your phone background to her, call her beautiful alot. Things like that. basically “suck up” to her for a long time lol
Your job is to listen.
People don’t want help/insight nearly as much as they want to be heard.
…just listen.
Do you know anyone that she would not know to have them hit on her idk if they still do that stuff I was told they use to do that to help with self esteem back in the day
Don’t apologize for hypothetical discussions. Women who get hit on will often say they never get hit on, in the same way a woman with dozens of shoes will say she has no shoes.
You accidentally made it sound like her worth is tied to how much attention she gets from random men. Just drop the whole “I still can’t believe it” mindset and focus on making her feel seen and wanted by you
Just take her in a date and show how much you love her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you said.
It’s such an interesting time to be alive. We’ve done so much work to stop men from giving women unwanted attention, to the point that young people are not dating or having sex (in part because they’re probably terrified of how to navigate it.) As a result, even some women are now confused about why they’re not approached more often and feel insecure about it. I’m not advocating for allowing men more freedom to be creepy, or catcall, but it is interesting how neither men or women seem to know how to navigate any of this anymore and how it reflects on their worth.
You need to make friends with a jeweler ASAP. You’re going to need it.
Maybe she’s too beautiful, and guys are intimidated by her looks. Try that one on for size.
Tell her she’s so pretty guys are probably afraid to approach her.
As a certified insecure girly, I’d suggest making an extra effort to compliment her. If she enjoys physical touch give her affection and let her know you think she’s beautiful through your actions. Flowers, dinners, surprise snacks, literally any acts of service will help her feel loved and secure in your attraction to her and your relationship as a whole. It is also important for you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong; you think she’s beautiful, so of course you were surprised that she doesn’t get attention from other men. She took your words hard, and that’s ultimately not your fault. All you can do is listen to her, ask her how you can help her feel more confident, and give her support when she needs it. And of course making sure she knows you didn’t mean it that way. It’ll all be okay!
I thought it was strange for a second she was bothered other guys don’t hit on her, why should that matter if she has you. Then i saw a girl had hit on you, and now it made sense. It made her insecure, and she likely reflected and wondered if the roles will ever reverse, and since it doesn’t happen to her, she’s projecting that insecurity to the situation and assuming it has something to do with her looks. She likely just wants the validation of “hey, im attractive too, we’ll both get hit on”. If you’re attractive yourself, other guys are probably insecure to approach her, or she’s likely so beautiful it intimidates other guys.
I don’t think you did anything wrong per say, but maybe things could have been worded differently since she’s in a vulnerable state and likely only seeing the negatives. I probably wouldn’t have added the “even girls who aren’t conveniently attractive get hit on” at her state, she’ll likely think shes the ‘not conveniently attractive’ one your referring to. So in this case, I would have said something like;
“Of course you’re attractive, I don’t think it’s your attraction I think it’s your aura. It’s intimidating, some people are so beautiful they get hit on left and right, but others are so beautiful in not just the way they look but how they carry themselves, it intimidates others bc they don’t feel worthy…and that’s you. You’re attractive in the most beautiful sense, and I feel lucky every day because of it. Don’t think otherwise because you deserve to know how amazing you are inside and out, it’s not your fault your attraction carries that much weight, it just makes you all the more worthy and attractive.”
She will melt lol
Ask your friends if they would hit on her, and if not, why? Understanding that might provide things you can tell her.
Want us to swing by and hit on your girl to pump her up?
I’m pretty sure its a fact that men tend to be intimidated buy attractive women. I didnt actually get hit on until I moved to a major city.
Hey OP!
I genuinely understand your confusion. But their is one variable that has not been mentioned yet: Even when a woman – in this case your girlfriend – is beautiful, if she has her guard up and seems “too tough”, she would not get approached easily. If I were in your shoes, I would plan a night out for sure, but when I apologise, I would put the emphasis on the fact that she is too strong and tough and therefore seems to not be approachable easily. That way it could be a compliment in disguise.
All the best xx
I figured it out! His GF is 12yo.
Just apologize and tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s intimidating and when she’s with you obviously not available.
Flowers for sure.
Also, for what it’s worth in case it makes her feel better, sometimes people don’t get hit on for sake of their presence.
I’m an attractive person. I’ve had plenty of people who had a conversation already going start to flirt with me or had dudes catcall me when I used to live downtown. But I don’t get “hit on” very often, because I’ve been told I carry myself in a very no-nonsense way. I’m also not quiet about having a partner, because I like him and talk about him often. I also don’t hang out in stores for very long or go places where being hit on is normal.
So it really has nothing to do with her attractiveness. It’s just that the people who walk up and hit on others may not be looking for her type or in the places she’s going. It might mean she seems too confident to fall for quick tricks. She may seem too mature to be easily swayed. She may not be lingering or seeming open to conversation. Or she might be in the right places at the right times, because being hit on isn’t actually super fun if it’s unwanted attention. These are good things. Being respected is better than being thirsted after nearly any day of the week.
I’m sure she’s gorgeous. Just leave what you said in the past, don’t try to argue against yourself, and start hyping her up. If you make her feel beautiful, she won’t care anymore.
All girls do not get hit on.
Don’t do anything. It sounds like you meant it as a compliment. You did nothing wrong. Do your best not to let her emotional state affect yours. She depends on you for that. Let her feel the way she feels without trying to fix it.
Tough one. And now, do you hope someone hits on her? Lol. I don’t want anyone hitting on my girl. But would boost her confidence.
You’re totally correct in thinking she probably just doesn’t notice the fact that she’s being checked oot daily… I’m guessing she’s just too young and/or sheltered to understand how being sexually harassed by random idiots on the street isn’t a compliment – it’s annoying at best, and terrifying at worst. I don’t know if or how there’s a way for you to tell her she should be thankful for not having to deal with that – but she is.
Your with her , do why would she think your with an ugly woman. She needs to see that as she is gorgeous , inside and out. She might give the vibe off to men to stay away from me , or she’s to gorgeous and that intimidates some people.
Im attractive and more so when i was younger. I was never hit on 😂
The funniest part is, getting hit on/approached has more to do with how approachable you are than how attractive you are.
I know one or two people who very noticeably turn heads, but very rarely get hit on because they look so out of reach.
Look up “love language “. Treat it like a to-do list. Also, remember actions are better than words. Less talking..
I’ve been with the same lady for 25 years. I said a lot of dumb things. Here’s what you do.
Tell her you’re sorry that you made her feel bad. That wasn’t your intention. If you love her, tell her so, and not only promise to never say/do it again, NEVER say or do it again.
Pretty easy. This was a minor error, but don’t treat it like it was minor. I agree, don’t give her flowers when you’re apologizing. They will always associate those with apologizing.
After you promise to never say, or do it again, just tell her I want to take you out for a good time tonight and we’ll go anyplace you want to go, and do anything you want to do.
This too shall pass. Good luck 👍🏻
Bake something for her
Obviously it’s because your GF is so pretty that people feel intimidated OP, just tell her that next time
Easy solution. Accident make feel pretty
Why your girlfriend feel that? 🥺 I’m hug her 🤗
Start taking pictures of her when you catch her looking beautiful to you. Show her what you see.
If you wanna fix it, you should show that by your standards, you think she’s pretty. Right now you’ve said “when you’re pretty, you get hit on” and she doesn’t get hit on so she doesn’t think she’s pretty. When she comes home from work, hit on her, like she’s your crush. When you go out, approach her like you don’t know her, ask her to dance, get her a drink. Write her a poem about how her beauty is a physical symbol of how beautiful her personality is and mean every word. Do something really silly that makes you nervous with her and tell her pretty girls make you nervous. When she’s wearing something, ask her if you can take pictures of her; ask her to spin and compliment her and hype her up by telling her that she’s stunning and pretend fainting. Just act like she’s your crush and you’re trying to pursue her. If you’re genuine, it will show
Being hit on is not a measure of beauty. Lots of gorgeous women don’t get approached because people assume they’re taken or feel intimidated. Own the mistake, apologize plainly, and start affirming her with specific compliments and actions. Stop comparing club attention or DMs. Show her she’s desired by you and let consistency do the repair.
Post a her pic and we will all like it so she feels better
Tell her you bet she’s just so beautiful she’s intimidating to most guys! Try to flip the script to make it alright
Quite frankly you’re a bit wrong.
Really attractive women often don’t get hit on by men. They are too intimidating.
Women do not have the same level of self-confidence as men. Even beautiful / very attractive women can still think of themselves as ugly or grossly imperfect. I attribute our propensity for self-confidence to our higher levels of testoterone but I doubt there is any scientific basis for that assertion.
My general advice is to talk to her with “I am a god damn idiot” mindset. You do not need to plead dumb but rather ignorant.
If you can share a moment in your life when everyone around you thought things were great for you but you felt totally insecure on the inside, that may help to convey empathy towards her. Don’t make anything up or share some fabricated Reddit story – speak with truth and conviction.
lol @ her actually making you believe her. Downvote me all you want. Look at you… making an entire post about you “making her feel ugly”. You’re being gaslit my dude lmao. She’s probably getting hit on left and right, in very explicit manners, and wasn’t ready for the convo to steer in that direction. NO Instagram traffic whatsoever? You know there’s the ability to delete messages right? Just some common sense you know, if your GF is really attractive and she’s telling you she gets complete RADIO SILENCE I’d be a little sus. Like I said, downvote me all you want, hell ban me from the subreddit if you please, but all I’m saying is things are not always as they seem.
Some don’t know they’re getting hit on when they are 🤷🏾♂️
Well, Im a female & my boyfriend has said many times things like (I don’t see how man approach you, what do they see in you) or things like (well you are not my ideal type), here is how he acted to fix it, “Simply didnt do anything” why ? Those words are just true, doesn’t mean Im not the girl he choosed to be with, I just don’t overthink, you could also tell her that it’s beyond the beauty, it fades anyway.
Convince her that she is the most beautiful girl for you, say things like “my beautiful girl” when you tell her goodnight or something, make her feel better about herself and tell her everything you like about her
Yeah… tried and tested young man. Flowers and some chocolate goes a long way.
Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just cause you find someone attractive doesn’t mean other men do
You are over-thinking this!
Tell her youre a dumbass and don’t say stupid shit like that in the future. You had to really try to shove your foot that far down your throat.
Own the mistake, make it up to her. You feel she’s beautiful and that’s what matters in the long run. I’m
Sorry or i apologize is different than making amends.
My guess is your gf might present a confident aura. May put some guys off, especially the ones who just hit on everything
awh man, you weren’t intending to hurt her feelings – I’d take her out somewhere she likes and make sure at some point during the night tell her how you honestly feel
Stop framing her beauty through male attention this wasn’t about whether or not she gets hit on it’s about feeling seen and valued by you. remind her that your love and attraction for her don’t need outside validation. they’re solid. You see her. You choose her.
You fucked up. Buy her a shiny rock or some jewelry. Flowers die you need something that will remind her how much YOU LOVE HER.
Starting flirting with her alot, hyping up her looks. Ask for selfies and give her compliments, random FaceTimes