My friend (soon-to-be flatmate) and I were out eating street food, just having a good time, when his sister and her boyfriend invited us over. I wasn’t feeling 100%—probably mild food poisoning—but I figured, why not? We hadn’t properly hung out with them before.
What I didn’t know was that it wasn’t just them. It was a family reunion in their 20 square meter living room. And of course, I had to formally greet everyone I didn’t already know. Great.
About 30 minutes in, I had my hands in my pockets, casually glanced down… and saw the monstrous work of God. My bulk was fully sticking out of my completely opened fly. Internally, my shit was on fire. No one had said anything, but I had sensed some weird vibes, and there was no way they hadn’t seen it. I immediately shuffled into a corner, turned around, and zipped up like my life depended on it.
The worst part? I had to stay there for another hour, making eye contact and conversation with people who had definitely been subjected to my criminal package unboxing. When we finally left, I asked my friend why he hadn’t told me about my junk sticking out. The fly had to have been zipped open from all the way back at the street food, hundreds of people could’ve seen it. His response? “Bro, I’m not gay. Why would I be staring at your crotch?” Fair enough.
We ended up joking about how his sister had been sitting directly across from my John Dillinger, and how now his whole family probably thinks I got a brojob from him and we’re moving in together as a couple or something. Mind you, we’re both single men, early twenties.
Honestly, if I couldn’t laugh at this, I’d probably just drop dead from embarrassment and never look his family in the eyes again.
TL;DR: Went to my friend’s family reunion, spent half an hour greeting people with my fly completely open. Realized too late, panicked, and now his whole family probably thinks something fruity is going on as we’re moving in together.
Comments
I’m sure no one had the proper equipment to get a real good look.