This happened about two weeks ago, and I haven’t told a single soul. I (25F) was applying for a new job that required a DNA test for some health clearance (long story, complicated job). When the results came back, there were “inconsistencies” flagged basically, it suggested my listed family members might not be biologically related.
Confused, I talked to a genetic counselor, and after some digging, it became pretty clear: the man I’ve called “dad” my whole life isn’t my biological father.
I confronted my mom, and she broke down instantly. She confessed that during a “rough patch” early in my parents’ marriage, she had a one-night stand… and apparently never told anyone, not even the guy. She said she “hoped” I was Dad’s kid and just… moved on with life pretending.
I haven’t told my dad. I can’t even look at either of them the same way. Every family memory feels fake now. I feel like I’m mourning a life that never really existed.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should tell my dad or just let it die with me. Either way, it’s eating me alive.
I needed to get this off my chest.
Comments
As someone bought up by my step Dad, take it from me that being a parent is about being there when you need them.. providing for you.. constantly showing up. He’s done all that, so he is your Dad. Some test might say different and I understand you need to process it all but pls pls see your Dad exactly as you did before.
You need to reassure your dad that no matter what happens your always gonna support him, but also make sure you tell him because he is unfortunately a victim of paternity fraud as your mom is the reason why there needs to be a mandatory paternity test done at every birth.
She already gave off the whole cheaters excuse of saying that it was a rough patch and decided to cheat on your dad instead of talking about her issues with him like an adult. Tell him because he might get the wrong idea if he finds out that you knew, your mother could also spin the narrative that you knew about the cheating and decided to keep quiet about it. It would hurt him even more.
Your father deserves the truth.
You neeed to seek therapist to help you break the news to him.
Meanwhile you need to go low or no contact with your mother.
Also be prepared for financial or inheritance implications.
You aren’t mourning life that ever existed, because it did.
He is your dad. He showed up. He took care of you. He loves you. Please don’t see him or your childhood and growing up with him as “fake” or “not real”