My entire life, I’ve had an incredibly bad procrastination habit when it comes to academics. My job? No issue at all. But for some reason, my studies and my personal development goals are huge challenges for me to actually accomplish. Until the pressure of an impending deadline hits me, I can’t seem to start the task. The stress of it makes me feel awful, but it’s the only way I can push myself to do it. Every new assignment, I tell myself I will start it on time, but I never do.
I’m almost at the end of my first year of college, and every assignment still wants to make me give up completely. I’ve somehow managed to do them as they pop up though, and my gpa is great(idk how but I’m not complaining).
But this weekend, for the first time ever, I met my goal. I told myself I needed to finish two assignments, and I did. It was miserable and difficult and felt painfully slow, but I did it. I’m still mildly shocked that I actually did what I told myself to do, despite knowing there is still plenty of time before the deadline.
No one in my life quite understands just what a feat this is for me, because they just look at my grades and figure I’m doing fine. They have no idea how close I am every single time to just failing and quitting all of it.
The weirdest part is I’m not even proud or relieved, I’m just disappointed in myself for finding it so hard to do once what others do every time. This shouldn’t be an accomplishment, it should be normal.
Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. Brains are weird.