So I can see the look on her face when she realises we’ve moved house and she has absolutely no idea where on earth we are.
Been NC with JN family-in-law for about 6 years now.
From time to time they text DH – first of all it was on birthdays and Mother’s Day etc – usually his father berating him about what he was doing to JNMIL and how he was killing her and he should be grateful because she gave him life, then the guilt trips about one of them being in hospital or a distant relative dying or whatever.
DH has been so disciplined in never, ever responding. So as time has gone by, their attempts to emotionally blackmail him into contact have ebbed away.
The one thing they have had is the fact they know where we live. We know they have driven past and stopped out the front from time to time. Probably a handful of times a year.
Have seen them occasionally in our neighbourhood supermarket even though they live 45mins drive away.
Well, we’re now moving house. So the last thing they have as ‘current’ knowledge about our lives will be gone!
So I really wish I could be a fly on the wall when they realise they have no idea where we and the kids have gone!!
(actually just a few blocks away, but as far as she’s concerned it could be anywhere!)
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Other posts from /u/Proud_Apricot316:
Pass on gift from JNMIL to child?, 3 years ago
NC with JNMIL – what to expect?, 3 years ago
Ex MIL is abusive and toxic. How to go NC? What to say to kids?, 4 years ago
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Make sure you tell your neighbors and work places not to tell them or anyone!
I know what you mean by wishing you could see their face one last time when they realise all of you have moved. It’s too bad you won’t see it bc it would probably be very satisfying. Have you thought about changing numbers, too?
Where I live, you can check the county assessor by name and find the new location.
[deleted]
Beat hopes for an hate filled relations cannot find you.
Always keep all the doors locked
Be careful. They can send a letter to your old address with “Address Service Requested”. For the first 12 months after the address has changed, the Post Office will forward the envelope to the customer AND send a notice of the correct address to the mailer for a small charge. For months 13 through 18, the mailer will receive the envelope back with the correct address noted at no charge. For anything after month 18 after the address changed, the mailer will receive the envelope back with a notice of non-delivery but no indication of new address.
So annoying that they have no boundaries. Hopefully you get peace
CONGRATULATIONS on the win! 👏👏👏 Do enjoy the peace that this will bring for your family!
It’s been nearly 3 years since we’ve had any contact whatsoever with anyone from my husbands family and since then, my first son has celebrated 3 birthdays, we’ve had another baby, and we’ve moved an hour away from where we used to last time we were speaking. I have to say, I get a lot of satisfaction from the fact that they, particularly my MIL who is the ring leader, have no idea where we live and couldn’t pick our sons out of a line up.
Just a few blocks is iffy though. If they like driving around your area, they’ll eventually find you again.
Thanks all!
For those expressing concern, I appreciate it. However in the country I live in, organisations can’t share your address with others without consent. This includes the post office, employers, estate agents etc.
And the only person who we interact with who knows her, is one of DH’s siblings who is also NC (has been for longer than DH) with the whole family too.
Yes, there’s ways to find out if you really want to, but if she does and then started harassing us, we can quite easily get an intervention order. She knows DH would too, which is why the attempts of contact have been limited to what they consider ‘reasonable’, because the idea of some sort of police or legal involvement would pierce her carefully curated appearance of being a decent human being and (aka martyr), which is part of their MO.
Because no one could possibly accuse them of being abusers! Not such upstanding church-going members of the community, who are just a lovely, elderly couple and can’t possibly imagine why half of their children have completely cut all contact with them. Must be because their DIL has profound evil powers she used to turn their children and grandchildren against them!
Which doesn’t actually have a shred of truth to it – quite the contrary – as initially I was the one saying stupid things like ‘but they’re getting older’ and ‘what about when they die and you haven’t made peace with them’ etc. We know that’s the narrative she would be spinning to everyone. There’s no way she’d do anything to allow that lie to be exposed, or risk her children actually speaking out about their abuse, because then her reputation house of cards would come tumbling down.
The new place is in a cul-de-sac, in among a series of streets which snake around and only residents would have a reason to drive into them. It’s private, lots of trees making it and has a garage. So it’s not a street that’s a thoroughfare to anywhere else if that makes sense?
I’m just so happy because this is really going to make her seeth!!
That’s not petty, that’s peace. Moving without giving them the new address is the ultimate power move, they lose their last bit of control, and you gain actual freedom. Let them stew in the mystery while you live your life unbothered.
Honestly, that’s pure satisfaction. NC victories like that, when they’re left clueless and powerless are sweet. Enjoy knowing your peace is finally untouchable.