Bit of a background first. born and brought up in Saudi, in upper/middleclass family, with parents as well born and brought up in Saudi, but ofcourse not saudi nationals, so we had to leave when my father retires, its like when we were in saudi we were not saudi, when we go to out country we dont realtes to anything there, so in search of better future i came to uk on internship visa, which is like sandwich so i have to finish my studies and finish my internship to be eligible to apply for ILR and citizenship. I am now 32 year old (female), living in different country working here to get my degree and to complete my 5 years internship. Its been 6 and half years. I only got too see my parents for 3 weeks in 2021 when my father retired and was planning himself to move somewhere else as he can not relate to anyone in our country and non of our relatives are in our country. My father got USA immigration and right at that time my mum, mum passed away whose wish was to be buried near her mum, so mum travelled to our country for the funeral dn dad had to travel to usa at the same time. so now from mid of 2023, my dad is in usa, and my mum is in our country, i am in uk, my brother is in uk but in different country, my elder sister is in usa.
Long story short, i miss my family sooo much to the point where i uncontrollably started crying in office or at work place or even in public, i miss my parent sooooo much,i feel like nothing i am doing is worth staying this far from my parents. I feel like i will die without seeing them and that would be my only regret in life. I know its stupid for someone my age to miss her parents this much, but i miss how my mum made the world a bit easy to live in just by being myside, I miss how my dad made me feel so secure tha ti can do whatever my desire and whatever i wanna achieve regardless of what society or the world feels. i dont know, Never wanting to get married because i cant imagine dividing the love i have for my parents with someone new. what to do at this point. any advise, or anything words or calmness and warmth would be appreciated.
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i really understand how you feel – i grew up in the Gulf too until i was 18 and when we left, it was like leaving everything behind, no right to stay, no right to a home, no right to a residence.. i have also lost a parent and i was very very very close to my family just like you…. anmd we talk everyday, we all lived in diff countries, and it was so hard after losing father to stay away from mum and siblings each scattered away…. but you love your parents so much as they are all you know, you need to live for yourself, this is life our loved ones they wont be here forever, the thouught it kills me.. as it does you.. but you have to live for you and find your own happiness and you will do that here in the UK. give yourself some more time, time does wonders, right now you feel like youre missing out on precious time with them but trust me your life is precious too… you deserve to find what makes you happy outside of what your parents can give you, and the right person for you will make you feel just as loved, just as safe…..
please dont give up, its temporary, you will get better soon, go out, make friends, experience life, do your best to enjoy this gift God has given you to come here and one day get a passport, this is the biggest gift you can ever give yourself.. you can have a great life here, and your mum and dad will be sooooo proud. YOU CAN DO IT GIRL, hang in there, INVEST IN YOURSELF. TOO <3 your amazing and supportvie family will love you just as much.
You need your support system. I know the culture you are from, it wasn’t necessary. But now in the UK, you need friends to rely on and support each other. You know the saying, parents are gone too soon, and you don’t meet your SO in the later part of your life… also, please go to therapy to learn why you have these attachment issues with your parents.
Get therapy. I come from an Eastern background as well, and being close to your family is something ingrained in our cultures It’s wonderful, but loving them is one thing and not being able to get married because you feel the love for them will be divided is not normal or healthy. You can still love your family and be close to them while also living your individual life. The type of love you have for a life partner an your own family will be different. Get help. It might help you figure out why you have this strong, almost toxic attachment and work towards feeling more balanced and secure on your own.
Why aren’t you writing your country? It’ll help people understand your culture and respond better to you