So, I am 43 year old kissless virgin. I never had a woman show interest in me. Those who I approached rejected me. My friend group are all people I know from my youth. They all know that I never had a partner. The reason is I tell them that I wait for right person. I approached few women in my life, they all rejected me one way or another. No women ever approached me(happened to three of my friends). I think I might doing something wrong. They tell me that I need either forget about sex/partnership or try find women with children. I don’t want children and I kinda still want love and relationship. Am I doing something wrong? Or should I still wait for right person?
I am 43 year old kissless virgin. I am waiting for the right person. My friends tell me I am either an idiot or delusional. Are they right?
r/Advice
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If you’ve been consistently looking for the right person and still haven’t found them at 43, it’s possible your standards/expectations are too high.
I think you need to recognize that if you try and fail to get a date, you aren’t waiting for the right person. It’s just unable to get a date
You don’t provide any details about what you’re doing or how you’re being rejected, so nobody can really give you advice on what to change. It does sound a bit like you could be putting women or relationships on a pedestal.
> I approached few women in my life, they all rejected me one way or another.
Most cases are going to be turned down, and if you’re approaching few women then you’re less likely to get a date. Why are you approaching few? Have you tried online dating?
Dating is casual. You talk to someone, ask them out to dinner or coffee, and get to know them better. You don’t worry about a relationship immediately, you just get to know them and see if you like them. As you date, you talk about shared values and see if you’re both compatible. That said, if you have showstoppers like they have to be a certain religion then you may want to try and meet them through places that pre-filter for that.
If you provide details about what you’re doing then you can get more advice, but so far it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything, which is understandable if the rejection makes you pull away.
Wait. Let me read this finish đ âŚ
at 43 everyone is either married or divorced with kids, it’s gonna be hard to find someone who doesn’t have children and is also interested in you. Maybe its in the way you dress yourself or look? Are you going to mixers, online dating, or anything like that?
I think youâre the problem at this point. I donât
even understand how this is possible .
Yes they are right
Maybe post yourself in one of those glow up threads and see if you can change your aesthetic. Appearance draws a person in. But character and personality keeps them around. Itâs ok to try something new.
Your friends are probably just frustrated because from their POV, waiting for the right person sounds like sitting on your couch hoping a rom-com moment happens.
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Itâs hard to know how to help you when none of us know you or your personality. My only advice would be making sure youâre well groomed. Itâs shallow, but no one likes someone who dresses poorly, is overweight, has bad acne/facial hair, or who looks like they donât know how to take care of themselves.
Working out, getting skin care treatments, routine haircuts and shaves from a (woman) barber, wearing clothes that arenât just a t-shirt and jeans will all make you more approachable.
Damn, Iâve only encountered one wizard like yourself in the wild, youâre doing fine. You do need to put yourself out there more, and lower your expectations. They will have kids or the kids will be out of the house or about to be out of the house.
Questions ?
What do you do for work?
How often do you go out to mingle?
Please donât tell me you ask women on a date after getting their name.
As far as rejection goes, it happens the famous quote is âyou miss a 100% of the shots you donât takeâ have confidence in yourself, youâre not gonna win them all but getting yourself out there and talking will help, donât even look at it as Iâm talking to the opposite gender, that can throw you off sometimes make it awkward. Talk to her as you would getting to know a man.
Hey, how are you? What do you do for work? Into sports?
Literally any open ended question just to get them talking, Iâll be honest this doesnât work all the time but most times gets your foot in the door to have her talk about her self and want to get to know you.
If you feel youâre more into reading to get an understanding I highly suggest the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, it wonât make you a womanizer but will give you an understanding of what you might be doing wrong
Yes
You keep shooting your shot and getting rejected. You’re not “waiting for the right person.” You’re actively seeking a willing person.
based on your responses to everyone it seems as though you may feel like you’re doing everything right. not trying to be rude but what do you feel like is the problem?
You’re probably delusional. You’re a 43 years old man. You not having found someone to kiss much less to fuck is 100% on you. You’re either too scared to approach or have no way how to have a conversation with a woman outside of platonic or professional setting. I considered myself a late bloomer for not having had sex till I was 24 but even I had kissed girls in high school. Get it together man.
Where do you approach women? At bars, the gym, on the street?
Do you work out regularly and have a good physique?
How many women have you approached? You will get rejected more times than you wonât so if youâre approaching few women you are shooting yourself in the foot.
Hows your style? I used to think I was dressing OK. I upped my style and it makes a difference in life.
I dont spend a lot of cash either.
What do you look like, height, weight etc, what’s your face like?
Yep, they are. The longer you wait, the less likely you are to find the right person. Maybe there is no right person.
Have you ever had therapy? I feel like there are deep-seated underlying issues going on here.
Itâs ok to simply give up.
At this point you have nothing to lose. Talk to everyone you meet.
Ok let’s tackle the elephant in the room. How do you look? Because let’s face it a stranger will judge a book by its cover. So unless you live in a dating pool where everyone knows you, you are going to be judged by your looks before they even want to get to know you. Assuming you aren’t elephant man, you need to see if you need a make over. Then ask yourself if you come off as needy or desperate. That’s not going to win with anyone. You need to get in the door before worrying if they’re the right person.
At this point you just need 2 call girls or so. Just let a friend know so they dont rob you.
It sounds like you have exceeded all expectations of a virgin. If you don’t do this you’ll have a sit at God’s table one day and that’s where all the virgins are. Yore better off at the devil’s table because the entertainment is better.
Its hard to say if you’re doing something wrong with so little information. Its likely that either your expectations are too high or you actually aren’t trying to put yourself out there in different ways that will gain you new friends and potential dating opportunities. Its like that saying
“the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results”
if whatever youre doing is ALL you’ve ever tried to do to meet women and it hasn’t worked for 43 years. Then it never will. How much do you venture out and try new things? Bettering yourself attracts different people into your life. New hobbies and interests, working on self mind body and soul, Getting into communities of people with like minded interests. Even just making new friends in general will open up a new wheel house of people They may know for you.
I would start by Ask yourslef what your interests are and how we can expand on those things to meet like minded people.
Then ask yourself what are 3 things you could get into hobby wise that you’ve never done before and start doing them and see what connections those bring up.
Then ask yourself how we can improve self esteem and overall health. Even if you’re a totally heathy fit person. there’s always something new we can do to open up a new pathway of how we do this journey of life. Maybe you love bike riding but never been hiking? or vice versa. Join a group!
Start with yourself. Its never to late. Look within and make little changes and see what that ends up attracting into your life. If you are always looking outside yourself and just wondering why women aren’t coming. It’ll never happen. Now this doesnt mean you aren’t worthy of love unconditionally now as you are. You are. But also self love by doing the above helps radiate that out. I swear it works. Its why people say ” as soon as I stopped looking and worked on myself BAM my person found me” lol Good luck.