I am really young, I admit it. Since I entered pre-adolescence, those subtle tastes or strange signals from childhood became a dark part of my personality. It was obvious from the moment I thought “Nobody should know this about me” and reluctantly erased those twisted thoughts from my mind. I have always felt a great fascination with master-pet relationships, cannibalism, some topics related to the feederism community, vampirism, a small obsession with control in ways as twisted as you can imagine. In my mind, it is really attractive to maintain control and a certain sense of ownership over someone, to the point of perhaps depriving that person of their physical freedom (you know what I mean and it’s not pretty) and keeping them by my side as if they were an animal with no voice or vote in my decisions. It’s one of the reasons why it’s too difficult for me to form deep bonds or genuine connections; it’s understandable, even I know how creepy it can be. I know perfectly well that I am sane; social interactions are simple and I can keep my desires perfectly isolated for as long as necessary. They don’t harm my friendly or family relationships, as I would never let anyone find out about my twisted tastes. Deep down, I know I’m someone lacking human values with which I can identify, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a conventional relationship like that of a happy couple. Unfortunately, I have always rejected people who fall in love with me because I know how terrifying it could be to confess to my special person how much I like to drink my own blood or show them all my sadomasochistic fantasies. I wouldn’t want them to stop seeing me as “the intelligent boy in class, the responsible brother, the pretty boy without a sense of humor” to start seeing me as the next Jeffrey Dahmer. I can form genuine affection connections that exclude a part of my essence, but I know they will never fully satisfy me and that makes me somewhat sad… Very sad. I would never do anything to harm someone, but if I had the opportunity to make my most disgusting desires reality, I still wouldn’t do it; nobody should suffer because of the sick mind of a boy who received a late sexual education. I would like to meet someone with whom to share that part of me that I keep silenced daily, someone who instead of judging it takes the time to understand it and in a way, enjoy it (no, I don’t mean committing bloody acts; a simulation perhaps, nothing that involves causing real harm), but I understand that most people don’t find it pleasant to have a human pet and I know I’ll be perfectly fine without a double life in which I become a serial killer to satisfy my emotional voids of disgusting things. And by sharing I don’t mean anything explicit through images or anything sick, I’m talking about metaphors, writings, stories, and personal experiences. I love drinking my own blood, but I wouldn’t tolerate explicit visual content of that action. I don’t like seeing people harm themselves; as much as a certain part of me feels strangely good, my sane side never lets me frequent such content or promote it. I’m not justifying the fact that yes, my tastes are disgusting, I don’t recommend them as a healthy or wholesome practice and I am someone who genuinely enjoys these things because I probably have some kind of trauma that I’m unaware of, so I don’t romanticize the actual practice of such acts and I take full responsibility for all my actions, none directed with the purpose of harming someone else, only myself to a slight extent. I’ve preferred to live pretending that I’m aroace rather than facing my own reality and that doesn’t make me happy, but I think it’s the right thing to do. I am a pervert and I try to hide it from everyone who knows me.
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can i dm u?
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I am really young, I admit it. Since I entered pre-adolescence, those subtle tastes or strange signals from childhood became a dark part of my personality. It was obvious from the moment I thought, “Nobody should know this about me,” and reluctantly erased those twisted thoughts from my mind.
I have always felt a great fascination with master-pet relationships, cannibalism, some topics related to the feederism community, vampirism, and a small obsession with control in ways as twisted as you can imagine. In my mind, it is really attractive to maintain control and a certain sense of ownership over someone, to the point of perhaps depriving that person of their physical freedom (you know what I mean, and it’s not pretty) and keeping them by my side as if they were an animal with no voice or vote in my decisions.
It’s one of the reasons why it’s too difficult for me to form deep bonds or genuine connections; it’s understandable, even I know how creepy it can be. I know perfectly well that I am sane; social interactions are simple, and I can keep my desires perfectly isolated for as long as necessary. They don’t harm my friendly or family relationships, as I would never let anyone find out about my twisted tastes.
Deep down, I know I’m someone lacking human values with which I can identify, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want a conventional relationship like that of a happy couple. Unfortunately, I have always rejected people who fall in love with me because I know how terrifying it could be to confess to my special person how much I like to drink my own blood or show them all my sadomasochistic fantasies. I wouldn’t want them to stop seeing me as “the intelligent boy in class, the responsible brother, the pretty boy without a sense of humor” to start seeing me as the next Jeffrey Dahmer.
I can form genuine affection connections that exclude a part of my essence, but I know they will never fully satisfy me, and that makes me somewhat sad… Very sad. I would never do anything to harm someone, but if I had the opportunity to make my most disgusting desires reality, I still wouldn’t do it; nobody should suffer because of the sick mind of a boy who received a late sexual education.
I would like to meet someone with whom to share that part of me that I keep silenced daily, someone who, instead of judging, takes the time to understand it and, in a way, enjoy it (no, I don’t mean committing bloody acts; a simulation perhaps, nothing that involves causing real harm). But I understand that most people don’t find it pleasant to have a human pet, and I know I’ll be perfectly fine without a double life in which I become a serial killer to satisfy my emotional voids of disgusting things.
By sharing, I don’t mean anything explicit through images or anything sick. I’m talking about metaphors, writings, stories, and personal experiences. I love drinking my own blood, but I wouldn’t tolerate explicit visual content of that action. I don’t like seeing people harm themselves; as much as a certain part of me feels strangely good, my sane side never lets me frequent such content or promote it.
I’m not justifying the fact that yes, my tastes are disgusting. I don’t recommend them as a healthy or wholesome practice, and I am someone who genuinely enjoys these things because I probably have some kind of trauma that I’m unaware of. So, I don’t romanticize the actual practice of such acts, and I take full responsibility for all my actions, none directed with the purpose of harming someone else, only myself to a slight extent.
I’ve preferred to live pretending that I’m aroace rather than facing my own reality, and that doesn’t make me happy, but I think it’s the right thing to do. I am a pervert, and I try to hide it from everyone who knows me.
I wish to have a long conversation confess how I got addicted
How old are you?
You’re clearly very intelligent.
There are a couple of salient points in all of this… firstly, you say you wouldn’t hurt anyone. That is paramount.
It’s not that abnormal to have dark fantasies. Many people do. So long as you can differentiate between behaviour you can carry out and fantasies that must remain in your head, it’s not always problematic.
Also, there really are people who enjoy a slave-master relationship. It’s not impossible for you to find a soul-mate who can help you play out some of these fantasies in a safe and healthy way.
Get help, mental health isn’t your fault but it’s your responsibility.
Looks like it’s just kinks. I don’t see anything weird or extraordinary at all. Seems quite normal.
I have no idea how old you are but through my skimming of this I think you should definitely look at the wikis of the BDSMAdvice subreddit and begin some education on how to build healthy and strong relationships that also include power dynamics or kinks you’re into. There are people who engage in consensual relationships at least some of your levels, even blood play. It doesn’t have to be a shameful secret, I’ve seen plenty of slave or pet dynamics talked about but the communities are big on communication, consent, negotiation and safety to name a few. Everyone starts somewhere! Though jumping into kinks before you explore the vanilla process of sex and relationships isnt the smartest choice (we need to learn at least our limits before we can negotiate them safely), you can at least start to understand what skills to build in areas like communication (which will also help in all relationships).
I would also encourage you to also find a kink aware therapist/sex informed therapist that you can work out some of that internal struggle with the shame and to learning how to cope with fantasy vs reality. It can definitely be done! You aren’t doomed forever!
First off, you’re not alone! The master-slave dynamic exists in the hardcore BDSM world, with people fantasizing about being in the slave position. Other people share your desire, and its complementary desire. Second, you clearly have a moral conscious. The desire alone does not put you in deranged serial killer territory. For your reassurance, there are practices where you can explore power dynamics like that in physically and emotionally safe environments, with a consensual partner. This is called kink education/BDSM education, and you can find many resources online way before trying any of it out.
Last, yes, you are young. You are still forming your own identity, at a time in life where it’s hard to figure out who you are. Sometimes these desires reflect our struggle in understanding who we are. Maybe you are looking for a space where you can feel in control and dominant, because you don’t always feel that way in regard to your life. Maybe you want a space where the fear of being rejected doesn’t exist for a while, so having a pet is appealing. Kinks can play on our insecurities and our needs. It’s not about enforcing that onto others, but more so a fantasy where those fears evaporate for a bit. That is why BDSM communities exist, to offer a place with a structure and rules for people to explore that.
People mistakenly assume that all s&m are 24/7 practices. Some couples have a relatively normal life, and play out a scene in those fantasies every now and then. Finding out all the different configurations, and how they fit into an otherwise conventional couple is helpful too.
You may want to explore these fantasies for real, you may prefer keeping them a private desire, you may outgrow them entirely. Either way, I think you learning about those communities will help you reflect on these desires and the ways you can approach them. Usually, the solitude and the taboo is what is particularly difficult. I personally found learning more about BDSM very helpful in how to not feel shame/guilt around my own interests in power.
And yes, I mostly answered for the master-pet/slave narrative as I know that one the best out of OP’s examples. Don’t have much info on the feederism kink or how people go about that kink safely.
You should learn about BDSM and the concept of consent (there is more to it than just yes/no). None of this is all too unusual, really.
Just be careful, in BDSM communities there are sometimes older predatory people lurking, who will seek out young and naive newcomers. If someone older and more experienced approaches you in private, leave and tell everyone else nearby about it. This applies both online and in real life.
You’ll most likely need to wait until you’re 18 before joining any BDSM communities and looking for likeminded peers. But you can start learning now ^^
There’s tons of people who have kinks like this. Here’s some keywords: pet play, M/S or master/slave kink, safe sane consensual, D/S or dom/sub kink, impact play, bondage, kidnapping roleplay, cnc or consensual non-consent roleplay, aftercare, kink scene, planning a BDSM scene.
The most important part is learning how to plan with the people you play with so that everyone feels safe and has fully consented to what will happen, as well as being good at communicating boundaries and knowing when to stop.
There’s a learning curve, no one does a 48 hour long kidnapping roleplay involving bondage and sex on their first try at BDSM. That’s unsafe and insane. At first, it’s gonna be one type of kink at a time, short sessions, simple plans. Like using hand cuffs while cuddling and wearing clothes, for only half an hour. It’s a learning curve and the safe way to do it is practicing one thing at a time, before combining them carefully later.
Consent and safety is key. And you’re definitely not alone.
Dam spilttin this into a couple paragraphs would go a long way.
First off, these are kinks and as long as you’re doing no harm you’re fine. Secondly, there are people out there who enjoy relationships like this. So you will find someone to love, who is into the same things.
Knowing that you’d never do harm is important, and it seems like you know where to lay the line to not cross it.
Like someone said above, you could take a whack at writing stories to help get that energy out.
Bottom line, as long as you’re doing no harm to yourself or others, you’re doing nothing wrong.
Power to you, for reflecting on everything you do. It’s a good practice, as much as it’s not well to say it out, but you know so many sociopaths have had a fulfilled life.
You lost me at cannibalism
Bdsm isn’t something to be ashamed of.
At 17 it may be difficult to wrap your head around but it’s actually rather common for most people to engage is some sort of power play even if they don’t fully realize it’s a dynamic of control.
Your other fetishes may be more rare yet there is always a shoe for any foot. You can find someone to enjoy these things with if you have an open and honest relationship that builds serious trust.
Also, I would very much point out that not all fetishist bare fruit. Meaning: fetishes which are great fantasies often end up being extremely shortsighted in a real scene.
I suggest you start out by reading books on basic bdsm principles such as one is liked called The Loving Dominant.
The bdsm community is vast and varied with a ton of fetishes. It’s all very supportive as well. Find your support group
Concept of consent, safe words, likeminded communities who I guess practice BDSM and who have kinks and can vibrate with those frequencies in sync in particular with A predominant Dom with fetishes in feederism. Plenty of communities are online and though fees might apply sometimes they don’t really make bad and if careful with how you represent your theme so to speak you won’t have too much trouble thriving and being incorporated into that part of that global village we inhabit. Good luck m8 seriously and have fun and stay safe funding with the jams