Before I start I want to clarify that I am not looking for compliments or something like that, I’m just looking for a place to express my feelings about myself. Some things are too embarassing to share with friends and family and most think I am just fishing for compliments. Might be tmi about my body, but I need to get everything off my chest.
I have extremely low self-esteem. I am F25 and extremely obese. I am 5’5 and weigh 284 lbs due to a condition. I’ve been trying to accept my body in a way of body positivity while also trying to lose weight, but everytime I feel good I look in the mirror and feel worse than before. I can’t wear cute clothes, since they don’t fit or look good on me, I can’t wear summer clothes because of my mass and I strongly believe that even if I was thin, I would just look weird anyway.
I have a very weird body structure and my face, while cute according to others, has weird proportions. My chin looks very masculine, my nose is very wide, my forehead looks like I’m a Neanderthal, my eyes are too small, my teeth are yellow and slightly crooked, my lips are always chapped and it just looks like someone took my features and photoshopped them slightly too much on the left of my face.
Like mentioned before, I wouldn’t even look good if I was thin as I have really broad shoulders, ugly spots in my skin, huge hands, scars, stretch marks everywhere (not only from being fat but from puberty as I grew a lot in a short time), I have weird looking feet (flatfoot), my boobs are too big and the areolae is gigantic, which genuinely just looks gross. Even my parts down there are just weird and ugly. So just looks wise I feel completely horrendous.
But unfortunately it doesn’t stop with looks. Somehow I stink. It’s not like people tell me, they are probably too “nice”, but I smell it. No matter how often and thorough I shower or wash myself, I still smell so disgusting. Even if I can finally get rid of the stank, I sweat easily and the smell comes back pretty fast. I get sick pretty easily so I’m always this sniffing, coughing mess.
I just feel so weird and gross and I can’t live like that. I am still a virgin, not even because no one ever wanted to, but because I didn’t want to. I am scared that the other person will find me gross, too. How can they not? I am always so sweaty and smelly and grossly fat (not that I think all fat people are gross, just me). And it seems like no matter what I do, nothing works. I just want to be normal and I want to not hate my existence. It’s especially bad when I meet people that are seemingly perfect. I would never harm myself, but I also question why I’m even here, just to suffer? I wish I wasn’t disgusting.
If you made it this far, thank you for hearing me out, I just really needed to share that.
Anyways, have a nice day đ
Comments
Hey, I’ve been where you are. I struggled with my weight and self image too. The thing about our bodies is we notice every tiny “flaw” that most people don’t even see. Have you considered talking to a therapist? They can help work through these feelings – it helped me a lot when I was at my lowest. You’re being really hard on yourself. Our brains can be mean sometimes and make us focus on the negative stuff. Take it one day at a time, and remember you deserve to be kind to yourself.
First off for the emotional you might find therapy to be helpful. So maybe try that first.
For the rest
There are small changes you can make to help improve things and they are not necessarily what you think they should be.
For skin Drink more water – work up to 64 oz through a whole day no more that a liter in an hour (what healthy kidneys can handle). Also work up to getting 8 hours of sleep – you would be shocked how much these two things help.
Add whole fruits and veggies to your diet (fiber,fiber,fiber)- berries are excellent for fiber without spiking your blood sugar too much. Protein, fiber and healthy fat are what help up feel full longest
Work up to walking 30 minutes a day.
Try bodyweight exercises check out hybrid calisthenics site which has a free bodyweight workout but also breaks down the exercises to a modified versions
As for the smell. First turn off the cloud account on your phone. Then use your phone to take pictures of any creases in the groin, belly, back pulling the skin apart. You are looking for anything that looks like a rash, cysts, pimples, seeping skin. If you find any the smell might be coming from an infection. If the sores are still at seeping level you can use maximum strength diaper rash cream to treat. Wash the area with a gentle soap like castile soap rinse the area well. Pat dry gently. Then sit in front of a fan for 20 minutes to completely air dry the area. Put the diaper rash cream on the area once dry then repeat daily until the rash disappears.
Make sure you use antiperspirant not deodorant as one treats the sweat the other just perfumes the area.
Honestly, a lot of these things you find imperfect about you, I have the same issues. Actually, my teeth look like I’m a recovering meth addict and always have. I have wide shoulders too and A LOT of scars. The amount of looks I get, especially at my left arm are astounding.
I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to embrace the things you can’t change. What’s even more important is if there is anything you can change, you give it time. Don’t force it. I’ve been working towards a weight goal for over a month I haven’t hit.
>Â I am 5’5 and weigh 284 lbs due to a condition.
At this point many insurance companies would cover weight loss surgery or treatments such as Ozempic. Just pointing out your options. As a GERD sufferer I have spent much time in the bariatric clinic.
Can I ask what the condition is that is a contributor to your weight gain? Remember, you can always lose weight regardless of whatever condition that you have. It just might mean that it will be slower and thatâs not a bad thing.
Iâm also overweight and I donât particularly like my face, I have PCOS so I have hirsutism and all that jazz too, and sometimes itâs really difficult to exist without feeling like absolute crap, so I get it, truly.
Re the smell – Iâm not a medical person so take this with a grain of salt, but if you get sick a lot too could it maybe be an immune system thing? Maybe some kind of fungal/bacterial infection that you just canât shake?
You arenât disgusting though, no matter what those negative thoughts are telling you. Would you say that about a strangerâs appearance? A friendâs? Society has unfortunately conditioned us to see fat as equalling bad, and anyone who doesnât fit the conventionally attractive mould is ugly, which is just nonsense. You may not find yourself beautiful but all that means is that youâre just not your type!
Thereâs a line from a song Iâve always liked when it comes to thinking about your body.(Not Perfect by Tim Minchin)
âThis is my body and I live in it.
Itâs 29 and 12 month old.
It changed a lot since it was new,
Itâs done stuff it wasnât built to do;
I often try to fill it up with wine.
And the weirdest thing about it is:
I spend so much time hating it,
But it never says a bad word about meâ
I also saw a really good thing recently about body neutrality rather than positivity. You focus more on what your body can do rather than what it looks like, so instead of trying to force yourself to think positive about something youâre really not comfortable with, you concentrate more on accepting your body as a whole.
So like, if you have thick thighs or a big belly, rather than thinking that itâs automatically a negative, reframe it – youâve just got an extra big lap for a cat to snuggle down on. đ
Big arms? Best hugs.
I think you are so harsh on yourself.
No matter what the others say, we are always our biggest critics. We see things that no one else does. We judge ourselves like there’s no tomorrow. No one puts us down like we can.
And that is so incredibly sad.
Have you ever judged someone else like this?
Have you ever thought about someone else as disgusting as you see yourself?
If you would hear one stranger talking about themselves like you do what would be your reaction?
Why are we so empathetic with others, but not with ourselves?
Why don’t you think you deserve the same respect from you that you give to others?
Let me tell you something.
There are gorgeous girls out there with body issues as you.
There are women who hate their body, even if they have no reason. Women who have lost weight but still hate their body because they still see themselves as fat.
If we have big breasts, we want small ones. If we have curly hair, we want it straight. If we are too thin, we want to be fat. If we are too fat, we want to be skinny.
And this never ends. We always, always can find something to hate about ourselves.
Is it fair that there are beautiful people and not so beautiful ones? No, of course not. We all want to be beautiful. We all know that beautiful people are treated better and can have better opportunities. But…are we less deserving? No đ
What I’m trying to say….is that I understand your pain. As a teenager, I once told my mother that I will never be a beautiful woman. A pretty one maybe, but never beautiful.
As a grown up, my heart is crying for that girl.
But….as cheesy and stupid may it sound, your personality makes you beautiful. We always meet people that are not impressive at the first sight. But once you get to know them, if they have a beautiful soul, you start to see them as fucking beautiful. And no matter how they look, if their soul is compatible with yours, they are the most precious people.
And same goes the other way around. If one’s character is awful, you start to see them as ugly, no matter how perfect their looks are.
So stop talking this way about yourself and start working. On your soul, on your body, on your spirit. Instead of using this energy to put you down, use it to change your life.
Take baby steps, go to therapy, start walking every day, go see a doctor about the smell. There are solutions.
Just start you journey.
You have it in you. You just need a bit of courage.
I promise it gets better with each little victory.
There is an app I use called Lose It. It’s wonderful because I can eat anything I want as long as I don’t go over my calorie allowance for the day. If I want a cheeseburger I can have one.
I’ve lost weight with it 3 different times. You keep track of everything to eat, even condiments.
Honestly you would feel so much better if you could lose some weight. The smell would probably go since you wouldn’t sweat as much.
Try it. What do you have to lose? Willpower is the key. You need to learn to love yourself. What you don’t love, work on.
Oh sweetieđâŚthose damn mirrors and photosâŚwe pick ourselves apart based on flat non dynamic images. You are so much more than that, you are a glorious individual, the only one of you, I think if you could see yourself interacting, smiling and just being youâŚlet go of the hyper attenuation on what you see as ugly and focus on what others see in you would feel a bit better. Focus on being kind to yourself, be as kind to yourself as you are to othersâŚwe are so mean to ourselves.
OP, you keep finding an issue in all the solutions you’re given. I have to ask, do you want support, or do you want to be validated in your feelings about yourself because it’s easier than doing the hard work to change your thought process?
I am heavily echoing my reply that said therapists aren’t hard to find and stressing the importance of one.
I’ve been here and I mean it when I say you will not get better without therapy. You can wear makeup, different clothes, lose 200lbs, but until you silence the voices you’ve been conditioned to make your internal monolog, nothing will ever be enough.
It’s always easier to say “Well no that’s not accessible to me” because you’re scared of the daunting moving project that is unpacking lifelong traumas. OP, let me tell you, no arguments, it IS accessible. It’s VERY accessible. You have to find in you the part that is screaming to get better. You have to find that part, lift them up, hug them, support them, and make an effort every day. You have to tell yourself that you’re gonna get better no if ands or buts. The child in you doesn’t deserve these feelings and you know that. But now it’s on you to parent that child in you. The adults in your life failed you to allow you to feel this way with so much certainty.
I will end this with a quote I live by.
“It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day- and that’s the hard part. But it does get easier.” -The Running Monkey, Bojack Horseman.
When you said you were âgrossâ and that it would be TMIâŚ
I braced Myself for things likeâŚI wonât even go there..
So reading your actual post was a sigh of relief tbh
Everything youâve listed IS ABSOLUTELY FIXABLE.
YOU just need to put forth the effort to change it. You have to be open to working hard,
Pushing through and believing in yourself to an almost delusional level..but itâs all doable.
The weight especially.
If youâre not interested in trying a weight loss institution (look up local Bariatric specialists) or getting assistance with GLPâsâŚ.
Then starting with simple mathematics of calories in vs
Calories out..along with moderate exercise will be a great start.
High protein low/no carb diets with no snacking/lots of water and moderate exercise work wondersâŚ
Itâs an uphill battle but itâs not impossible and youâll need to kinds forget the rest of the world while YOU focus on YOU and believe in yourselfâŚ
YOU CAN DO IT.