[!TRIGGER WARNING FOR EVERYTHING I GUESS!]
F17 here and I really don’t know how to say this but I guess I could say I’m the most fucked up person that I know and I don’t say this because I want pity from you but because I need to get this off my chest.
I have really fucked up sexual fantasies but not the “I want to be choked” kind. I mean the gross ones like p… And Inc…
I’ve been dealing with these thoughts since Nov 2024 and I always thought it could’ve been OCD but it really is not.
I have so many questions about this and I feel like I didn’t even get a chance to live a good life. I possibly can’t. People will hate me. I will always live a life filled with shame and disgust. I’ve considered offing myself many times and I think that’s what I’ll do sooner or later.
I’d really like to have normal fantasies or at least stop being attracted to these things. I’d like to fall in love with someone and have sex like everyone else but I was born broken and I can’t really do nothing about it.
Even if this is OCD I’ve been dealing with this shit for so long that now it feels like a part of me.
I wasn’t abused as a child or anything like that. Actually I feel like I might have done something myself to my family members. I don’t remember much about my childhood but so does my brother and I fear it’s because of me.
Please I need help
Comments
Reach out to someone, this sounds like severe intrusive thoughts, it’s a reactive ocd and this can be solved through therapy and medication. Everyone’s situations are different but I was graped as a minor (12yo) and ever since I had these intrusive thoughts saying I was the p.. even though obviously I wasn’t. I still struggle with these in my 20s, I have no attraction to children but when I think of elder men (40s+) I get intensely arroused and I learnt it was also because of these intrusive thoughts. You’re not alone and you can get through this. You have taken a step forward by understanding your own thoughts and feelings are wrong
Fantasies are entirely inside your head; they’re just cartoons you play for yourself, and no more real than that.
It really seems to bother you, though, so maybe see a psychiatrist and get some medication – it works!
P….? And Inc…?
Read the book “Tell Me What You Want” by Justin Lehmiller and then read “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” – By Dr David D Burns. See if that helps. Good luck.