I [20] have been in a relationship with my partner [30] for about a year, and they are the best person I have ever met. No one makes me as happy as they do. However every time I go online I see so much disapproval for this age gap and a list of reasons why it will go bad, and my friends also tell me it’s not a good idea to date someone that much older. I feel like the concept of separation is too painful to even consider but at the same time all of these horror stories about age gap relationships are scaring me. What should I do?
TL;DR Í am unsure of the future of my 10 year age gap relationship and don’t know whether to stay or leave.
Comments
Well, if you’re looking so often at the discourse surrounding this topic then think: have there been red flags brought up that remind you of his behavior?
Can’t do much to help you here, except to say that when you are 29, ask yourself “would I date a 19 year old?”
From the older person’s point of view, they are in such a different place with life experience and cultural touchstones. To go to a party as a 29 year old and hang out with a bunch of 19 year olds is so awkward and weird. The two friend groups generally don’t mesh well, which means the younger person will likely become isolated from their peer group and the people who could help them identify problems in the relationship.
There’s such a power imbalance with an age gap of 19-29, too. If there’s a disagreement, the older person will always win because they can simply say “that’s the way these things are; you wouldn’t know because you are too young.”
If you two were 45 and 55, it wouldn’t be a problem because the life experience is a lot more equitable. But at 20 and 30, especially since you got together when you were 19, it’s really dangerous.
First of all, you are happy. Don’t listen to people telling you it’s bad. Can it be bad? Yes it can of course but is it in your case? If not just be happy in your relationship. And worse come to worst and it fails 2 years down the line you’ll still be young and you’ll have the experience.
Don’t just end your relationship because people online think it might be bad just because the age gap.