Background:
Me and my wife are brazilian immigrants in the uk, we met at school (15) but we both decided to move back to brazil for personal and family reasons at the age of 19
at the beginning it was really hard for us, we struggled financially and we both had to take multiple jobs and small side hustles to keep us afloat, it took us 1.5 years to become relatively financially stable and that is only because some more well off family members offered us higher paying jobs in there businesses
We were 21 when my wife told me she was pregnant for the first time , we were both in shock as we didnt plan or want kids right now, but i decided i needed to be a man and take care of our family, our first son is turning 14 this year, and we have 3 other boys, turning 13,12 and 10
I found out they werent mine, when i did a ancestry test, both me and my wife have italian ancestry, but i wanted to know more about my ancestry, i also did one on my eldest son as i was curious about the ancestry on my wifes side
My test came back and me and my sons percentages didnt make sense,
, i was anxious and horrified at the results and was in a state of complete denial about it for 2 weeks, until i mustered up the courage to do dna on my eldest then on my other 3, i am not the father to any of them
I confronted my wife a couple days later, she told me everything, the father was a older english/british tourist , 53 according to her, she met at the beach and had a affair with him, it lasted the entire time he was traveling in brazil
she found out she was pregnant a couple weeks after he traveled back to the uk, she said she didnt know who the dad was but was so scared to loose me so she kept her mouth shut , she told me they exchanged numbers and a few times a year he would travel to brazil and she would meet up with him and continue there affair, she told me it lasted for 7 years until 2017, when i asked her why the affair ended she said she couldnt take the guilt anymore and ended it herself, i asked her the dirty details of her affair, which just made more angry tbh
She told me she understands, how much she betrayed me and is willing to do anything to reconcile, truthfully rn i just wanted some space, i am writing this from my hotel, i feel so many things, but i mainly feel like a fool and i feel so humilated abd angry, its like my whole life has been a lie and
My children who i loved and still do are not mine , everytime i look at older pics of us i getting thoughts saying” they arent yours” and that makes me feel guilty but also angry at my wife and her affair partner
My head is a mess rn
Needing advice
Comments
Apologies for any bad grammer i am in a mess rn
Get a counselor to help you process what’s happening. This is the only advice I can give you
Take some time. It may seem like you have to make a decision and take action immediately. Part of you wants to feel like you have some control over your life again after having it spin completely out of your control with this information. But, unless there are some weird laws about taking action within a certain time period after discovering this information, you can time some time and consider your options.
Family is more than blood. You’ve loved these kids for years. Whatever relationship you have with these kids is separate from whatever relationship you have with your wife going forward.
Frankly, the first thing you should do is speak to a lawyer in your juridiction and find out how divorce, custody, alimony, and child support would work out. Get the facts before making a decision about anything. Find out how things would turn out for you.
Forget about your wife. There is no marriage to salvage, but whether you get a divorce or not should be based on a rational decision, not an emotional one. The only question is what kind of relationship you want to have with your children.
By the way, I seriously doubt that she only cheated with one person. When you did a DNA test, were all your kids full siblings (same mother AND father)? Even if they are full siblings, that doesn’t mean she didn’t cheat with anyone else. It just means she didn’t get pregnant and/or keep any of the others.
Get yourself in therapy immediately.
I have no advice.
All I wanna say is she is one cold hearted bitch.
Your life has not been a lie. Think of it differently. You have stepped up and been the husband and father you have been with intention. The lie, the poison in your life if your wife. Cut her from your life and divorce her ASAP. What she has done is absolutely vile and she does not deserve another moment of your time. Now, those boys, they are YOUR children by action if not blood. File for custody if possible.