Well, this is my throwaway acc. I’m ashamed to ask this honestly.
I’m a man, I’m 28 years old, a few months ago I met a girl, who at the time was working as a waitress in a pub where I go out with friends.
After a while, I started to like the girl, I really liked her. And I gathered the courage and asked her out on a date. We clicked right away, we have the same interests, taste in movies, music. Same views on some social and political issues. Basically, we get along very well.
Well, the problem is that I didn’t know how old she was, she’s 20 years old. I only remembered to ask when we were already a couple.
She says that she doesn’t mind the age difference, she knew how old I was, since we have a mutual friend, so I guess she figured it out through him.
I’ve been feeling like a pedophile all this time, even though I love her and she’s a pretty serious, mature person. That same mutual friend even asked me how I was, why I was with her. He told me that he saw it as wrong, because she was a child in his words.
What should I do now? Should I tell her and leave her? Or?
TL;DR
I am 28 and my gf is 20, and people around me make me look like I am a creep.
Comments
If you two are happy then thats all that matters you are both adults
Don’t leave her. You’ll regret that forever. If she is good for you, age is just a number.
If your friends don’t support your decisions….. are they really your friends?
Don’t worry what others think. She’s a legal adult and its only an 8 year age gap, yeah it would be better in terms of mindset and place in life if she was 25 and you were 33. But if you like her and have a good thing together just enjoy it. Don’t let her younger age deter you from having a nice time, just enjoy it and don’t stress on the age gap. Again she’s still an adult and capable of making her own decisions, you aren’t a groomer.
That is ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with your age gap. The hysteria over minimal age gaps between two adults is a new phenomenon
That’s not a huge age difference and she is fully an adult. As long as you’re communicating as co-equals in the relationship and showing each-other respect, and she’s not super emotionally immature, then you’re in the clear. Just follow the normal rules of relationships, don’t be a dick, and I wish you both the best of luck.
There is a 10 year age gap between myself and my wife’s youngest work friends. It’s not a big deal. Actually, it’s not an issue at all. We’re all adults.
This really isn’t an issue at all. Congrats on finding a match!
I dont see that gap as such a big deal myself. If you guys get along and match up well thats the more important issue. You’re both adults. If it works, it works! Congratulations 🥂
I met and became serious with my boyfriend of 4 years when I was 22 and he was 28, we’ve worked because despite being different in age, we’re similar in ‘life stages’. I’d say be aware of ensuring equal power dynamics and the potential temporary gap in emotional maturity and you’ll be fine!
As long as you’re not using your age and additional life experience to place yourself in a position of dominance in the relationship, it’s probably all good.
I am not passing judgement one way or the other. It sounds like this happened naturally. On the flip side, let’s be honest, I remember what me and my male friends were like at 20 (immature assholes). If she genuinely enjoys the same things as you and you two share similar opinions, there is a good chance the early 20s guys are possibly too immature to her.
I mean, there is a lot to be said here but you are both adults. If both of you are comfortable with the age gap then so be it.
Talk to her. Clearly you feel uncomfortable in some sense, so talk to her and discuss if the relationship is healthy to pursue.
The age gap is a personal preference. Everyone will have a different opinion on it. My preference is no more than 3 years younger or older, while someone else’s might be 10 years younger or older.
Personally I don’t like the idea of an 8 year gap. The way i see it, you were 8 years old when she was born, and conversely, you were 25 years old when she was a minor. It feels weird to me in that sense.
Talk to her. Best of luck
Stop mathing. It doesn’t matter as long as you both are happy with what you’re having together.
Your not necessarily a pedo because it’s legal but your comment of “ I didn’t know how old she was, she’s 20 years old. I only remembered to ask when we were already a couple.” Is very alarming.
Does this mean if she was 15 you wouldn’t ever have considered to ask before going so far as to already be a couple?
My wife and I met 15 years ago when I was 29 and she was 18. She was my private language tutor. After a couple months, we started dating casually. We both thought it was a casual thing, but as we got to know each other, it developed into more.
It was a bit awkward in the beginning at times, but we ultimately started a company together and traveled extensively before we got married. It keeps getting better, even after a child and 11 years of marriage.
Sometimes I wonder what I worried about. The life experience gap was solved with time, and almost every other “problem” was from external sources. If you are happy, give it a try. You can always break up, but you can’t go back and try to recreate the experience.
At this point you might as well see it through but frankly you’re probably going to run into a lot of obstacles due to the age gap. She’s young and going to change a lot over the years, every year. What she wants at 20 will not match what she wants at 25 and 30. You’ve already gone through that process. I’m 30 and feel absolutely no attraction to people in their early 20s because I sense that major maturity gap and want to be with someone who’s lived through the primary growth years and experiences that I’ve gone through.
My mom was 23 and my dad was 30 when they met. It only really truly matters if you’re at too different stages of life to be compatible. Like you want to settle down and she doesn’t type of thing.
I think the important question is whether you view her as a woman (ie, an adult peer), not as a “girl”/someone who is at a different (earlier) place in life than you.
Because it goes without saying you shouldn’t be with someone who “makes you feel like a pedophile.”
So, be honest with yourself. Is she a peer? Or does she, like her age suggests, have 2/3 the life experience you have?
Her brain isn’t done developing yet. She’s a kid. She can’t even drink. Date women your own age, loser.
You’ve been reading too many comments from the age gap police on Reddit. Relax and enjoy.
Your “friends” seem the ones not mature. Listen to your hearts and feelings.
If as you said you didn’t ask her age until you were already a couple then the age difference should not be that visible.
If it was that obvious and you didn’t ask, then you may need therapy.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you’re lucky enough stay together for the long term it’ll mean less and less every year.