Throw away, on phone excuse the typos. I am just typing this out to get this off my chest so I don’t ever have to say it out loud.
I have labeled myself as bi for pretty much all my life. Normally I’d be with men because I felt the relationship was easier things were more upfront.
I love my husband we’ve been together 6 years and I could never imagine myself with another person. He’s an attractive man as well, there is nothing unattractive about him. He’s a wonderful partner and short of the unthinkable I would never leave him and will do the best to show him he’s attractive and loved everyday.
I’ve come to realize though I am not attracted to men in particular. They don’t arouse me, I enjoy having sex with him I enjoy that he is feeling good but he doesn’t make me climax (to no fault of his own) I realize when I was looking for overalls on a cheap app that has pretty much discounted everything. It popped up lingerie with women in sexual positions and I immediately got aroused, I’ve not been aroused in many years.
I would never blow up my life or hurt my husband. I don’t know what to do with this secret so I thought throwing it into the ether might get it out and make it digestible.
TL;DR: lesbian realization now, voluntarily stuck in the closet by perfect loving relationship.
Comments
Sounds like your husband deserves better.
You could still explore with your husbands concent.
If he’s into that.
tell your husband. he deserves someone who is truly attracted to him and is not just staying in a relationship because it is safe and comfortable. it’s not right to lie to him and to yourself. part of him will always feel it, the fact that his wife isn’t all there in the relationship. tell him. let him move on.
What you’re describing doesn’t sound like love to me.
Tell him about what you’ve been feeling.
So what are you needing advice on exactly?
You’ve had the realisation, or at least what you assume to be the realisation. But you are happy continuing to love and have sex with a guy even though he doesn’t arouse you? As nice as your post was worded, I fear you are still living a lie and both you and him deserve to be at your happiest.
Don’t you want to fulfill your bisexuality and actually explore that part of yourself? Or are you happy living your days, holding your husbands hands on his death bed knowing you were never truly aroused by him? Potentially if you opened up about it, he’d be happy to open the marriage or let you have that exploration guilt free – you never know.
As a 25/F who’s labelled herself as bicurious all her life.. I also have HOCD which means I get obsessive (and false) thoughts about being a lesbian. I find plenty of women attractive but never know if I want to BE them or sleep with them. I’m content with the idea I may not ever sleep with one, and often have moments where I question why I ever liked women because my male partner arouses me immensely. Sexuality is very fluid and can biologically change overtime.
There’s option here. But I feel continuing to live your life sitting on this truth will either eventually destroy you, blindside him or deprive him of the love he deserves.. of all of them.
Did you need advice on anything?
Commenting because I disagree with the people here. It needs no labels, no coming out, no outburst. You can realize that you like women and also you like your husband. Those can both be true at the same time! Nothing has really changed and he loves you for who you are 💛
It sounds like you are a terrible spouse.
Your husband deserves someone willing and capable of honesty.
My heart breaks for your husband. He won’t ever know what it really feels like to have a full physical and emotional connection with his wife. Hopefully he never knows what he’s missing.