She really just talks about how much she drinks. Oop: I can’t do x because I drank too much yesterday; they: you drink too much; oop: I want to have fun so I drink when I go out every weekend, they: we are worried about your drinking; op: I drink wine every Wednesday. Etc
Sounds like your behavior is serious problematic.
Borrowing money but never paying it back?
Complaining about being broke but going out drinking and planning to get another tattoo before you’ve paid any of your debts?
It sounds like your drinking really is a problem and you sure are fighting for your life in those comments, rather than try to see where they’re coming from.
You’ve got friends who care so much about you that they’d stage an intervention, rather than just ditch you for not being a good friend and being so messy. It’s your choice to stop being friends with them, but their giving you a chance to change and do better. You should probably at least try.
Damn. This person is still sick, suffering and in denial. Their friends are looking out. Hope this person gets some help. Rehab 3x and Vivitrol shots got me sorted 😍
How lucky to have friends that care so much. Someone might want to take their drinking too much into consideration. When everyone is saying the same thing, it might be this drinker in the text who really does have the problem!
I know this isn’t the point but you can’t be an alcoholic “at one point” you either have alcoholism or you do not. It is a disease, people that have drank hard for periods of their life but can stop for good reason (puts them in the hospital, starting a family, DUI, etc) are just hard drinkers. Alcoholism is different.
OOP has more than a drinking problem, they have a problem controlling their impulses. Impulsive people always have an alcohol and/or drug problem, don’t manage their money well, and a whole cabinet full of excuses as to why their behavior isn’t problematic.
Might be an alcoholic. Might not be. Either way, friend of 8 years is no longer comfortable and seems to be establishing a boundary and telling OP why. Friend of 8 years has every right to advocate for their emotional and physical safety. Alcoholic or not, this is OP’s journey.
Unfortunately, when your friends that love you and care about you start to notice that you’re drinking has increased and they believe that they can be open enough to have that conversation with you that your behavior is scaring them or worrying them, You need to take it seriously. Don’t get defensive and get introspective. I had a lot of friends do that exact same conversation with me and I got defensive and burned quite a few bridges. Here I am seven years sober on Wednesday and I am so grateful for those people that at least attempted to bring their concerns about my alcoholism to my attention. True friends will have the hard conversations with you because they love you. If they didn’t they wouldn’t bring it up to you.
Save for a tatt but can’t pay their friends back what they owe? Friends that are saying outright that they mind how much alcohol they have around op? Yikes.
Op not paying them back and their excuse in a reply saying its because they had forgotten. Im sorry but if you owe someone money its absolutely your responsibility to make sure you remember and pay them back, you dont ask someone for money if youre not gonna pay them back when its agreed that you will pay them back.💀💀
Time is money. The three times a week this person went out to drink “for free” as they say, they could have been walking dogs, babysitting, door dashing, whatever to pay their friends back when they lent money. OP is overreacting. These are good friends.
Two things. The term “alcoholic” isn’t always useful since for most people alcoholic is always going to mean something worse than whatever they are doing. The other is that there’s more objective guidance about “lower risk” and “higher risk” drinking, where you can count what you are drinking over a week or over on a single occasion and see if in those categories.
Those objective measures are more useful because we tend to judge by what the people around us are doing, and if you never drink then you see a lot less people drinking, and if you are always drinking, well you tend to be around other people who drink a lot. So whatever you are doing can seem normal, but the real question is if it’s healthy.
OP, they are giving you tough love. Granted, maybe texting wasn’t the greatest format, but it says a lot that they care enough about you to share these concerns and have a tough conversation instead of just dropping you for lacking self awareness and accountability. True friends help each other grow.
If drinking 1-2 times a week as someone in their early 20s is considered alcoholism then myself, my wife, most of my friends and family and 95% of all British (where I’m from) students are deeply in need of help.
The friends don’t seem to be disputing the frequency of OPs drinking but do seem to acknowledge a personal history of their own trauma associated with family member’s alcoholism which makes me think that they may be a little oversensitive to the issue, especially if they’re not drinkers themselves. That being said, interventions, if they are genuine, should be done sensitively and with compassion – never over text in a group setting where it appears not everyone in that chat is aware or participating. This has the tone of a group chat airing a grievance with one member for some (possibly justified) reason and dressing up their annoyance with OP as concern.
OP, pay your friends back and be a better friend but if the frequency of drinking you have stated here is true it sounds really unlikely you’re an alcoholic. But keep an eye on it and maybe go a week or two without drinking to show yourself you aren’t dependent.
Yeah…yeah they are overreacting. They also gave the same defensive responses I might have given if my friends had ever voiced their concerns about my drinking. Drinking looks different for anyone, and honestly drinking 3 times a week is not on its own an issue – it’s about how much OP drinks during that time and what value they place on alcohol. Both parties unreliable in terms of that amount, but the vibe is that the friends care about OP
As a recovering alcoholic with 6 years of sobriety, you may want to evaluate your drinking habits a little more thoroughly. If your drinking is causing tension between good friends, there might be something there
as an alcoholic, i was called an alcoholic by friends long before it even ~got bad~ … they’re doing her a huge favor by having this conversation with her in her early 20s. i wish i’d listened! idk if i’d have an intervention in a group chat though
OOP needs to get their shit together and take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror. If they’re getting this upset over their friends’ attempt at an intervention, they’ve got some pretty deep issues going on.
Comments
OOP is the one that’s toxic. Yikes. Their friends are just concerned.
So why are you posting it? Check out r/ stopdrinking
“We think you might be an alcoholic”
“I’m an adult and can do what I like” is not the winning response OOP seems to think it is.
Good grief. OP is victiming so hard. “You guys think I’m Frank Gallagher or something.” Because that’s exactly who they sound like
She really just talks about how much she drinks. Oop: I can’t do x because I drank too much yesterday; they: you drink too much; oop: I want to have fun so I drink when I go out every weekend, they: we are worried about your drinking; op: I drink wine every Wednesday. Etc
Not only do you have an alcohol problem you have a money problem, work on yourself before saying others are the problem
Sounds like your behavior is serious problematic.
Borrowing money but never paying it back?
Complaining about being broke but going out drinking and planning to get another tattoo before you’ve paid any of your debts?
It sounds like your drinking really is a problem and you sure are fighting for your life in those comments, rather than try to see where they’re coming from.
You’ve got friends who care so much about you that they’d stage an intervention, rather than just ditch you for not being a good friend and being so messy. It’s your choice to stop being friends with them, but their giving you a chance to change and do better. You should probably at least try.
Damn. This person is still sick, suffering and in denial. Their friends are looking out. Hope this person gets some help. Rehab 3x and Vivitrol shots got me sorted 😍
OOP is that one toxic friend. Also who is paying for OPs drinking?
Honestly OP sounds incredibly exhausting and annoying
How lucky to have friends that care so much. Someone might want to take their drinking too much into consideration. When everyone is saying the same thing, it might be this drinker in the text who really does have the problem!
I know this isn’t the point but you can’t be an alcoholic “at one point” you either have alcoholism or you do not. It is a disease, people that have drank hard for periods of their life but can stop for good reason (puts them in the hospital, starting a family, DUI, etc) are just hard drinkers. Alcoholism is different.
Yup. OOP
Jo may not be an alcoholic yet, but certainly a binge drinker. That is a slippery slope into alcoholism.
Coming from somebody who often overindulged to the point of getting sick. There’s always an excuse…..
•” I’ve been sick. That’s why it hit me so hard”
•”Oh it’s probably just because I mixed alcohol.”
•”I probably shouldn’t have drank so much without eating.”
•”I’m throwing up because of my acid reflux”
Dude Op is just a bad person.
OOP has more than a drinking problem, they have a problem controlling their impulses. Impulsive people always have an alcohol and/or drug problem, don’t manage their money well, and a whole cabinet full of excuses as to why their behavior isn’t problematic.
Might be an alcoholic. Might not be. Either way, friend of 8 years is no longer comfortable and seems to be establishing a boundary and telling OP why. Friend of 8 years has every right to advocate for their emotional and physical safety. Alcoholic or not, this is OP’s journey.
The classic talk of an alcoholic 😂
as someone who drank heavily for years with zero long term issues, I’m sticking up for OP !
alcohol has been used as a ‘social lubricant’ forever and this girl is just young and having fun
and jesus close friends of 8 years are real fucking tightwads if they’re bitching about $20
OP – as you get older you start ditching the friends that aren’t actually friends….
Oopp OP you might need some help
Unfortunately, when your friends that love you and care about you start to notice that you’re drinking has increased and they believe that they can be open enough to have that conversation with you that your behavior is scaring them or worrying them, You need to take it seriously. Don’t get defensive and get introspective. I had a lot of friends do that exact same conversation with me and I got defensive and burned quite a few bridges. Here I am seven years sober on Wednesday and I am so grateful for those people that at least attempted to bring their concerns about my alcoholism to my attention. True friends will have the hard conversations with you because they love you. If they didn’t they wouldn’t bring it up to you.
Save for a tatt but can’t pay their friends back what they owe? Friends that are saying outright that they mind how much alcohol they have around op? Yikes.
Her therapist wouldn’t tell her it’s fine her therapist would question her as to why she’s asking those questions.
I get the feeling her therapist isn’t real.
Op not paying them back and their excuse in a reply saying its because they had forgotten. Im sorry but if you owe someone money its absolutely your responsibility to make sure you remember and pay them back, you dont ask someone for money if youre not gonna pay them back when its agreed that you will pay them back.💀💀
You’re the problem.
Time is money. The three times a week this person went out to drink “for free” as they say, they could have been walking dogs, babysitting, door dashing, whatever to pay their friends back when they lent money. OP is overreacting. These are good friends.
Two things. The term “alcoholic” isn’t always useful since for most people alcoholic is always going to mean something worse than whatever they are doing. The other is that there’s more objective guidance about “lower risk” and “higher risk” drinking, where you can count what you are drinking over a week or over on a single occasion and see if in those categories.
Those objective measures are more useful because we tend to judge by what the people around us are doing, and if you never drink then you see a lot less people drinking, and if you are always drinking, well you tend to be around other people who drink a lot. So whatever you are doing can seem normal, but the real question is if it’s healthy.
OP, they are giving you tough love. Granted, maybe texting wasn’t the greatest format, but it says a lot that they care enough about you to share these concerns and have a tough conversation instead of just dropping you for lacking self awareness and accountability. True friends help each other grow.
I wish my friends had talked to me about this before I pushed them all away.
OOP may not be an alcoholic, who knows, but a message like this definitely invites an evaluation of their relationship with alcohol
As a recovering addict , girl your in denial
In my experience, anyone who gets super defensive and won’t even consider they might have a problem… usually has a problem.
Phrases like “always dimming my light” = DEFINITELY has a problem, not always with substances, but ALWAYS with accountability.
Friends for 8 whole years. And u cant sit f2f n discuss thiss. U probably not that close.
Yes i think u overeacting
OP has a drinking problem
Nah, drink as much as you want. Fuck it.
OOP sounds like a petulant child.
If drinking 1-2 times a week as someone in their early 20s is considered alcoholism then myself, my wife, most of my friends and family and 95% of all British (where I’m from) students are deeply in need of help.
The friends don’t seem to be disputing the frequency of OPs drinking but do seem to acknowledge a personal history of their own trauma associated with family member’s alcoholism which makes me think that they may be a little oversensitive to the issue, especially if they’re not drinkers themselves. That being said, interventions, if they are genuine, should be done sensitively and with compassion – never over text in a group setting where it appears not everyone in that chat is aware or participating. This has the tone of a group chat airing a grievance with one member for some (possibly justified) reason and dressing up their annoyance with OP as concern.
OP, pay your friends back and be a better friend but if the frequency of drinking you have stated here is true it sounds really unlikely you’re an alcoholic. But keep an eye on it and maybe go a week or two without drinking to show yourself you aren’t dependent.
That’s a yikes from me dawg
Kind of felt like they were blowing the drinking out of proportion, but started to sympathize with them when the money issues were being discussed.
If a whole group of your friends thinks you’re an alcoholic… You’re probably an alcoholic
Yeah…yeah they are overreacting. They also gave the same defensive responses I might have given if my friends had ever voiced their concerns about my drinking. Drinking looks different for anyone, and honestly drinking 3 times a week is not on its own an issue – it’s about how much OP drinks during that time and what value they place on alcohol. Both parties unreliable in terms of that amount, but the vibe is that the friends care about OP
These people are bullying OP. The care scold is the worst 🤮
As a recovering alcoholic with 6 years of sobriety, you may want to evaluate your drinking habits a little more thoroughly. If your drinking is causing tension between good friends, there might be something there
Oop sounds ANNOYING
These are friends being candid with you. At least they care enough to say something. Your defensiveness is classic addict response.
Only addicts are in this much denial.
Yikes.
This is another level of victimizing.
Just an alcoholic being an alcoholic
OOP definitely has a drinking problem.
Ask me how I know.
When you’re the odd one out you’re usually either right or wrong.
In this instance, everyone at the table is concerned about your drinking and you are refusing to see it via denialism.
If you are not an alcoholic, you will be.
Listen to your friends. The fact that you reacted so strongly suggests they hit a nerve. Think about what makes them think you are addicted.
as an alcoholic, i was called an alcoholic by friends long before it even ~got bad~ … they’re doing her a huge favor by having this conversation with her in her early 20s. i wish i’d listened! idk if i’d have an intervention in a group chat though
OOP needs to get their shit together and take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror. If they’re getting this upset over their friends’ attempt at an intervention, they’ve got some pretty deep issues going on.