I am sorry if this post causes any offence. It’s not at all my intention to shame women concerning their biology.
So, I’m a Man in my mid-20s. To get things out of the way, I don’t identify as straight. I’m perhaps bisexual or heteroflexible. I’ve had sexual experiences with both men and women, mostly with women though. I’ve always mostly fantasised about and been sexually into women; whilst they’re an integral part of me and who I am, I’ve always treated my experiences with other men as ‘exploratory’, satisfying and confirming to myself some sort of curiosity about my sexuality. I think it’s safe to say part of me is still repressed with regard to my interest in men, but my instinctive sexual drive is towards women.
Honestly though, I have never really been visually attracted to vaginas. There’s something visually attractive about the mound on a fit woman, provided it’s not a bush down there. But the vagina itself? I feel really bad saying this but I feel a sense of indifference, of disgust, of repulsion. I get a bit of an ick from their appearance. This especially comes up when I’m faced with going down on them. In most scenarios, even when part of me has wanted to do it, there has been part of me which has felt reluctant about it all. Something about the sight, smell and taste can be off-putting. Sometimes I’m really into it, or the thought of it, but mostly when it comes to it I’m faced with this internal conflict. Due to lack of knowledge and experience, maybe I’ve always gone ‘too low’ when going down, I don’t know.
I suppose if I think about it my experience with sucking dick might be similar in ways. I’ve only done it twice, though. Provided it’s clean and well-trimmed, visually it’s not an issue. However, I can feel conflicted about hair, smell, taste and fluid – something is both arousing and off-putting about the thought of those.
I feel confused and out of place when I see and hear about guys literally worshipping vaginas and the act of going down on a woman. I can understand and relate, but not to the extent that I feel I ‘should’.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy playing with them. I enjoy feeling them. I enjoy PIV sex. I get aroused at “the thought” of how wet a woman might be – how that might look or feel, smell or taste. Provided I’m attracted to and intimate with her, I do enjoy pressing my face into her down there when she is clothed or just in underwear. I also enjoy the effect that going down on her can have – how powerful it can be, and how she can lose control of herself in her squirming and squealing. And I have no disgust regarding their menstruation and the blood involved in that (ngl, I’m actually curious about going down on one when she’s menstruating. Provided I’m sufficiently into her. Anyway…)
I do wonder whether I have some sort of trauma from my first sexual experience with a woman. I was drunk at the time and really wanted to go down on her as part of it. So I did, and from what I remember I think I enjoyed it. However, I don’t think I showered, washed or even got to clean my teeth afterwards. The next morning we headed back on the train and I found myself getting super self-conscious. I could still taste and smell it on me. I stank. I worried that others could smell it on me too.
She went on to be my girlfriend and I went down on her a number of times. Sometimes I was into it, but I generally remember feeling reluctant about the whole thing, including the second time I did it after that first experience.
Another partner I only went down on once, and again this was when I was drunk and really in the mood for it, wanting to provide that for her and have a strong effect on her pleasure. I think I enjoyed that (?) She was about 10 years older than me, and it wasn’t too messy, nor did it smell or taste too bad. It was subtle, not pungent.
In my most recent experience of going down on somebody, I wasn’t at all really physically attracted to her or herself down there. I went into it reluctantly, mostly just wanting to get some more experience of going down and actually learn to consciously target the clit for the first time. I guess I was doing something right though? It ended up being my first (known) experience with a woman squirting, a lot too, and I found that quite disgusting.
My last ex gf, on the other hand, I really liked her and was really attracted to her and her body. However, I’m ashamed to say that I only went down on her about 2-4 times, and kinda fear stuff like that led to our breakup. Anyway, I don’t remember being massively put off by her taste, smell or appearance down there; I think for the most part I actually liked and enjoyed it. HOWEVER, as a result of her IUD, so she claims, her vaginal fluid was quite…solidified? It was like…bitty? It wasn’t very liquified, or fluid-like. It came out in little soft, sticky clumps or bits. That probably makes it sound worse than it was, but anyway. With her it was that aspect which stuck out to me as being off-putting. It was something I could live with, but I felt a bit icky about it and so was probably the reason I didn’t go down on her as much as I would have liked to. I never told her about this, however, and we never properly spoke much about me going down on her.
I guess I have a lack of experience with going down on women. And I admit I probably have a lack of knowledge about the vagina, clit, menstrual cycle and female biology in general – my last ex kinda shamed me about that, which some might argue didn’t help our situation.
But anyway. What am I looking for from this post? Probably reassurance, support, advice, tips, likeminded people…part of me wants to improve at going down and learn to feel more comfortable and attracted to vaginas in this case, but I also wonder how much that is coming from a place of shame, insecurity and feeling inadequate.
Comments
I mean I’m acceptably bi but there’s a reason they call it bumpin uglies, neither of em look particularly attractive on their own
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Contrary to popular belief, genitals are not pretty.
Some of us are just a little shy being down there.
I mean, there are plenty of women without a vagina, i hope you like dicks tho
Its not for you. It’s for them. You think most girls enjoy shoving a banana down their throat. Probably not. But alas, the things we do for love.
I personally love it, sex is supposed to be a little messy and primal. Once you get good at it, it’s much more enjoyable once you see her pleasure and what you’re accomplishing.
Probably, you haven’t been madly in love with the women you’ve been intimate with. If you are truly crazy about a woman about her personality and who she is as a person you won’t care about the appearance of her pussy.
If you were with these girls mainly because they had pretty face but weren’t that intelligent, the conversations were more shallow than deep, and they weren’t very flirtatious, that’s probably why you felt repelled.
But if you are madly in love with a woman’s personality, if she impresses you to the point where you feel like the luckiest guy, your state of mind would be such that you’d even eat her shit if she asked you.
Cf. “The College Try,” Garfunkel & Oates.
“We choose to go to go down on woman we love even when we find vaginas to not be attactive and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because we want to give her an orgasm”
I love dick but don’t want to go down on one either……
Depends on the vagina. If it’s pretty and not hairy and trimmed and on a slim woman I could go down all day. If it looks like it was hit with a hatchet then no. Generally I haven’t come across many that I am crazy about. Mostly I’m indifferent or don’t fully enjoy it.
I don’t think this is a sexuality thing, but more about 1) how attracted you are to them, and 2) sensory issues.
You mention repeatedly about smell and taste and texture, so you’re very sensitive to those things. I don’t think I’d enjoy eating a chunky vagina either, it’s not supposed to be rice pudding down there. Likewise, squirting is not universally liked, just like not all women enjoy cum in their mouths.
I think you just need to find a woman you’re into who doesn’t squirt and has typical juices.
Idk genitals aren’t pretty doesn’t sound too concerning. I think penises are hideous but when I’m horny they’re awesome. I wouldn’t read to much into it
Turn the lights down or shut your eyes, and get your face in there
Taste smell and feel rather aroses me. Not that I found it tasty, I probably wouldn’t eat a food which tastes and smells like that, but I would never avoid the job. As for looks, I would say usually I don’t get to look straight on it. And yeah it’s not like it repulses me but it looks like a chaotic pileup of flesh which doesn’t cause any particularly good feelings.
sticky clumps are absolutely not ok, it’s not healthy and not supposed to be like that. No one should be going down on someone in this condition, she needs a doctor
A few things:
Of course when you’re in a loving relationship, you shouldn’t feel shamed. I’m sorry about that. However, just from your own side, it’s on you to learn that knowledge. I feel a little confused as to why you don’t understand menstrual cycles or the biological processes. The internet is at your disposal. No woman needs to teach you that, and if you’re saying that’s holding you back (it does for plenty of people), then you should look into it. Obviously the clit is a different story, but the truth is nothing is one size fits all — some techniques work on some people and not at all on others.
Plenty of men don’t enjoy the experience, you’re not alone. Plenty of women also don’t enjoy going down on men — the smell, hair, texture, precum, the pain in your throat afterwards, etc. So you have plenty of people who relate! Also, while plenty of men like being squirted on, that’s definitely more of a discussion thing. The same way you’d discuss, for example, coming on someone’s face. Some people don’t like it. The one thing you should make sure is that you’re not going in with oral sex on her being optional while oral sex on you is a given. I can understand a man being offput by stuff down there — it’s wet, soft, new textures and smells and tastes. But what tends to really get to us is when you don’t apply the same perspective on a woman going down on YOU.
One more thing — the area you’re describing is called the vulva, not the vagina. The vagina is the hole. But in either case, plenty of men don’t like the look of vaginas. Plenty of women don’t like the look of penises and balls.
Overall, it’s about wanting to please somebody and what you feel capable of doing in order to make them feel good. The experience is about enjoying making her moan, react, enjoying her pleasure. For a lot of guys, the actual sensation doesn’t do anything. Have you ever used toys? They’re not a replacement for oral sex of course, but lots of women enjoy clit-sucker toys while the man does some fingering and nipple play. Maybe you’d be more comfortable with that as a way to contribute to her orgasm without going down on her every time?
I will say women and their privates are like snowflakes. No two look alike, taste alike, or smell alike. Try going into your next encounter with the thought that this will be the one that you truly enjoy eating. Try several more, and if you still are disgusted, then maybe it’s not for you. I would be open about this with future partners as it could be a deal breaker, and there is no sense in wasting time.
You might be part Jamaican
Don’t ever expect a blowjob if that’s your attitude. We don’t need a double standard, one will do just fine.
Its silly that what is pleasing to the eye, and what is pleasing to the touch are seldom the same…
Very fair to want to be good at something that some people are into! But also, remember communication. I (m27) do not care for receiving bjs. I’m truly indifferent about it. Let my bf do it a few times because he wanted to! It was a kind gesture, I assume he wanted to repay me in a ways. But yeah, we communicate what we do or don’t want and that REALLY helps you relax and feel less worried about sex related things. I’m at least proof one person doesn’t care about or crave oral, so who knows, you could end up with a partner who doesn’t want it either and maybe you’d enjoy that, or find out you don’t. Best way to learn is to share and ask things!
I’m a lesbian and even i don’t get aroused just at the sight of a vagina, it’s about who it’s attached to and how it can make them feel depending on what i do with it
Okay…. Just going to drop some data.
Healthlink BC
Johns Hopkins Medicine
I don’t think vaginas are pretty. What makes them attractive is knowing what it can do
Genitals are ugly as f*ck, even my wife my expresses the same sentiment.
It’s like drinking coffee and beer. Takes a lil while to love it when you start out. Soon enough you can’t live without it.
Bro… they are not supposed to look good. Dicks either. They are made efficiency not cosmetics
Then just don’t. Nothing wrong with having sexual limits.
If my wife didn’t like giving blowjobs, I wouldn’t let her continue doing it just to make me happy. That’s not fair to anyone.
We are not all obliged to look or enjoy genitals, it’s my thing but it’s definitely not binary and that’s totally ok 🙂
You don’t have to have a staring contest with the vag. Just lick the clit, two fingers in hitting the g spot and look into her eyes. Pro tip, breathe in/out of your mouth.
Honestly, it’s not that weird. Attraction isn’t always about every single part of someone’s body. You can be into women overall without being obsessed with every detail. As long as you’re respectful with whoever you’re with, you’re good. Everyone has stuff they like more or less — it doesn’t make you a bad person or broken or anything
Fuck a trans girl then
Being attracted to the female form but not vagains is not uncommon. It’s also not a issue if you don’t want to have oral sex. Plenty of people don’t want to give or get it.
Edit to add: “The average guy will derive more arousal from a feminine form than from a vagina.
From our survey: 89% of men rate the female form at the highest level of arousal generation while only 71% rate the vagina the same way. We find it in amusingly ironic that the organs used explicitly for reproduction cause less arousal on average than secondary sex characteristics.“ – Pragmatist Guide to Sexuality
Be attracted to her reaction mate, the noises you get her to make are what you should be paying attention to / what you should train yourself to be addicted to. Everything else is means to an end.
Edit: unless she asks, then it is the best smelling, tasting thing in the world to you
Have you tried thailand? U get “ladies” with man parts
Because you’re young and inexperienced. With enough time and experience, you’ll enjoy eating them out
straight girl here. dicks alone are grim but the whole guy himself, pp included, is hot. like back when ppl used to send pics, dick pics alone didnt turn me on. i personally want a pic of it but also with ur face in the pic. this doesnt rlly answer ur question lol oops 😭
Coming from a person with mostly similar sexuality preferences to you , and even way less experiences with other men but a huge attraction to just beautiful cocks and cocks in general, i definitely get what you say about the vagina. They are like cocks very different and some will leave a better taste in your mouth haha there are some that i still craved, looked beautiful and actually tasted amazing not just tolerable.
What i can say though that with the right person, with trusting that they are always clean etc , and as a person that likes oral and pleasing my partner i found that i liked rim jobs better than cuni and everyone was happy after so maybe try that 🤷🏽♂️
I find vaginas very pleasing to look at, but I’m a straight male so….. 🤷
Dicks don’t bother me as much as the scrotum does. Fuck I don’t even like looking at my own ballsack. It’s wrinkly and has these little moles and hair everywhere – fuckin gross.