I(19F) used to be in a 4 month situationship with someone for the first time. It was a hurtful experience. I experienced my first heartbreak and got really traumatised. I have never been in a relationship and after that experience I was like I wanna stay single forever. Because it ruined my life in every aspect. It hasn’t been a long time since I ended things with that situationship guy and I didn’t intend to meet someone new. One day I had a question from a guy in our college (19M) and we eventually became friends. The connection is amazing. We are so alike in every aspect. We just get each other so much. And slowly I feel like I am starting to like him. And I feel like he does like me too. And I am not afraid this time. After that heartbreak some guys approached me but I didn’t let them get closer because i was so traumatised and afraid. But with him, things happened so naturally. I feel so safe.
But the problem is, that situationship guy texted me last night and it triggered my pain. I was feeling so well before that. Would never even think about him and never missed him.I thought I had moved on but when he texted i felt horrible. I told him that I didn’t love him anymore (even if I did i didn’t want to risk everything. I really don’t want to experience all those pain he caused me again) but since I remember how I liked him back then, how i tried for things to work, I am feeling wired. I know I made the best decisions by not letting him come to my life. But at the same time I feel bad that I like this new guy. I don’t want the situationship guy be in my mind while I like him. He is in my mind but I don’t mean I love him and want him back. I just have this bad nostalgic feeling which is so painful. Memories of loving him and stuff.
I actually like this new guy so much. He knows about my situationship. And even i told him that he texted and what we said. Am I a bad person that I am not fully heald? He also knows I am not because I told him that I am not feeling really good after my conversation with him.
TL;DR: should I continue talking to someone I like even if the memories of that situationship i used to have still bothers me? ( I don’t like my situationship anymore, but thinking about it causes me pain)