I am sorry, mom.

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I am sorry for wasting the life you gave me. I am sorry for wasting the opportunities you gave me. I am sorry for wasting your efforts. I am sorry for hindering you. I am sorry for making you feel alone. That which you worked so hard for, that which gave you meaning. I’m so sorry.
I am sorry throwing it all away.
I’m sorry, mom. I just hate myself so much. Too much. I despise who I am, every single aspect of myself, and I just believe that I should die. I want to die, mom. I’m sorry.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for all your hard work. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for doing your best. Thank you.
I’m sorry I can’t pay it back. I’m sorry I am the way I am. I am sorry for making you sad.

Comments

  1. Thin_Rip8995 Avatar

    you don’t owe your mom perfection—you owe her your breath, your survival, your next chance to try again
    and you’re still here
    so that debt is still being paid, even if it doesn’t feel like it

    you’re not a waste
    you’re wounded
    and that voice telling you to die isn’t truth—it’s exhaustion with a megaphone

    don’t answer it
    don’t believe it

    tell someone what you just wrote
    not Reddit
    a real voice
    a crisis line
    a friend
    a therapist
    anyone who can remind you this is a low point—not the end

    you’re not alone
    you’re not past saving
    you’re just buried right now—and even buried things can grow

    please, reach out
    you matter more than you think