Title says it all. I’m a fat, short (5’6), Indian and facially unattractive 27 year old guy. I’ve been nerfed in pretty much every physical aspect relating to attractiveness for guys. My physical appearance has been bothering me since I was 15. I always thought it would get better with age and I will “mature” and stop thinking about such shallow things. It didn’t and in fact got worse.
These days, all I ever see on the internet is not only hate, but disgust towards short guys and Indian guys. Everyone is probably aware of all of the negative stereotypes that exist about Indians, especially Indian men.
For short guys, all I ever see is people (men and women, but mostly women) expressing disgust towards guys of below average height. Pretty much every time a woman mentions a short man, it’s always in a negative context. It’s disturbing to think that everyone hates me or thinks less of me. This probably explains why people in general give me dirty looks all the time.
My dating life has pretty much been nonexistent. I am still a virgin even at 27. Women pretty much treat me like I am subhuman in general anyways, so I gave up on dating a long time ago.
Every single friends group I have ever been in I have left because they would start constantly insulting me. I recently started distancing myself from some “friends” who were always talking about how unattractive I am, how I am the most likely to get cheated on and how I need to “improve myself”. All of this negativity just gets annoying quick. It’s worth noting that I have never been called attractive in my life. These talks about my ugliness are all I have to attain an idea on where I stand in terms of looks.
I have been told that physical appearance apparently doesn’t matter for men, but that is just not true. It does, but people look for different things (i.e. height). The last time I checked, being a short, fat, ugly Indian guy is probably one of the worst thing a man growing up in the west can be. I’m starting to realise that all of my failures (no job, no friends etc) can be attributed to my physical aspects.
I have tried to improve these features, sometimes using pretty extreme methods which left lasting impacts, but none of them worked. Everyone can seem to lose weight for instance, except me. Most of the stuff relating to my appearance is impossible to alter anyways. I have also been to therapy (4 different therapists) and none of them fixed anything. All of them just repeated the same stuff about how they think I will “have a good life” regardless.
No matter how much I try to improve myself, I will never be able to change my subpar physical features. I am stuck with myself for the rest of my life and I just have to accept all of the mistreatment everyone gives me. I find it hard to go outside or even look in the mirror because I hate myself and I am embarrassed to show myself to anyone. It doesn’t help that all the guys I know with similar appearances to me are depressed addicts. Everyone also keeps dismissing my problems and pushing me away whenever I open up, which is even worse. I really don’t know how to live the rest of my lonely, ugly and undesirable life.
Comments
I think you’re being too hard on yourself!
I wouldn’t say your features would mature or fix themselves, that’s more of a personal thing to do. Losing weight is different for everyone. Just consistency and effort will get you through. Also 5’6 isn’t bad at all. I’m 5’7 and loving it, short kings for life! 😀
Your internal dialogue and belief system is the problem. Possibly your social circle too. You need to do yourself some favors and change the lens you see the world through. You’re only 27, young with perfect timing to make positive life long changes.
It’s ok to feel let down by life, but you can’t let it drag you to your grave. That’s not the point of struggle. Let it become fuel for you.
Check it out, real friends don’t give a fuck if you’re not extremely handsome and they should never insult you in ways that hurt you. Fuck those friends. I suggest getting into local mutual aid groups, people in those spaces tend to be less focused on appearance and more on character (experiences may vary but in my experience this is mostly true). It’s also fulfilling to work in and with your community and a great way to meet people.
As for the relationship stuff, confidence and humor helps alot if you’re not considered conventionally attractive. What do you have to offer a partner? Are you passionate about things, a hobby, politics, etc? Are you knowledgable about specific things?
Practically, I would recommend working out if you can. Not for aesthetic purposes but because it’s good for your brain and body! I’ve seen it said that once out bodies gain weight, they try hard to keep that weight on due to evolutionary measures of survival. If you’re dieting and exercising strictly to look a specific way it makes it much harder to stick with it. Diets truly have to be lifelong to work long term unfortunately.
And, if all else fails I’d focus on getting a job, stacking your money, and saving up for some cosmetic surgeries. I’d love to tell you that if you love yourself, everything will be cool. But honestly, if you do the work to love yourself and still want to look different then that’s what plastic surgeons are partially for! Plenty of people enhance their features, no shame.
Lastly, racism fucking sucks and that seems to have a lot to do with the shit you’re dealing with. I’m sorry I can’t give any practicaly advice on that besides finding people who don’t fucking suck. Obviously this is hard if you live in a pkace with conservative values. I’ll shout out the mutual aid groups again, they tend to (and fucking should) try and be actively against racism and stereotypes.
Good luck dude
There are things we can change, improve and work on, and there are things we can’t.
You can’t change your facial features, but a barber can make absolute magic with a good cut. Working out can also help with the weight, you don’t have to be buff to be physically attractive. The right clothes and shoes can also make wonders. Can’t tell you the amount of time I looked at a guy and didn’t think he had the most handsome face, but had a killer style.
Your height is given. You can’t change that. But trust me, not all of us women have a problem with short guys. I, for one, love short guys. I’m only 5’0. I wouldn’t want to date someone who is a lot taller than me. I want to be able to hold hands, hug and kiss comfortably and that’s pretty hard when you have a penguin and a giraffe together. 🙂
But most importantly.. looks do matter, but they aren’t everything. At the end of the day, you can’t fall in love with physical features only. You can find them attractive, but if someone’s personality doesn’t click with you, it doesn’t matter how hot or handsome they are, that relationship will not work.
Go to the gym, work on your confidence, change up your fashion and your outlook on life and most importantly how you feel about yourself.
I personally do feel sympathy for you. Unfortunately, people are generally dishonest about what they do and don’t find attractive, especially women. It would’ve probably been better if people were honest about it so lots of guys are not made to suffer with all this hope. This is where the other people commenting either don’t understand or are being dishonest.
Of course, eventually with enough hard work, you can be a much better version of yourself. But unfortunately, you will be considered less attractive than lots of people (maybe the majority) no matter what you do. Maybe you will feel better around other indians and around an indian community but of course, I don’t know.