I am having a hard time trying to put into words how I am feeling , when I was little I had one grandmother that was active in my life. She spent six months out of the year with us. This grandmother I was close to. The other I didn’t know till I was older. I didn’t realize my dad had parents who were still alive till I was in 3rd grade and
Moved to the state where they lived. when my oldest two brothers were Kids they referred to my dad’s parents as their cousin‘s grandparents. They were active in my cousin’s life. Spoiled them and spent time with them. My dad‘s parents did not pay any attention to me and my brothers. when I was in third grade I was introduce to them and it was not the best interaction, that was back in the 90s. I never got gifts, was told lies and forgotten a lot by them. Now my dad‘s mother is 100. She’s in hospice. She has a great relationship with my cousins, my cousins kids and my nieces, they get the grandmother I never had from her. I feel like I should feel something because she’s dying and I know I should be sad because she’s my dad‘s mother, but she was also really mean to my mom ( she never wanted my dad to marry my mom; who was married for 55 years before my mom died) she was never a grandmother to me so I really don’t know how I should be feeling. I also don’t know how to express the feeling of disappointment to this. Every time she send bday cards, Xmas gifts, calls and talk to my nieces. I love my nieces and my dad, I don’t blame them but I just want to scream in frustration of guilt and anger.
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Backup of the post’s body: I am having a hard time trying to put into words how I am feeling , when I was little I had one grandmother that was active in my life. She spent six months out of the year with us. This grandmother I was close to. The other I didn’t know till I was older. I didn’t realize my dad had parents who were still alive till I was in 3rd grade and
Moved to the state where they lived. when my oldest two brothers were Kids they referred to my dad’s parents as their cousin‘s grandparents. They were active in my cousin’s life. Spoiled them and spent time with them. My dad‘s parents did not pay any attention to me and my brothers. when I was in third grade I was introduce to them and it was not the best interaction, that was back in the 90s. I never got gifts, was told lies and forgotten a lot by them. Now my dad‘s mother is 100. She’s in hospice. She has a great relationship with my cousins, my cousins kids and my nieces, they get the grandmother I never had from her. I feel like I should feel something because she’s dying and I know I should be sad because she’s my dad‘s mother, but she was also really mean to my mom ( she never wanted my dad to marry my mom; who was married for 55 years before my mom died) she was never a grandmother to me so I really don’t know how I should be feeling. I also don’t know how to express the feeling of disappointment to this. Every time she send bday cards, Xmas gifts, calls and talk to my nieces. I love my nieces and my dad, I don’t blame them but I just want to scream in frustration of guilt and anger.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I was in a similar situation. My mom’s mom was an incredible part of my life, and devastating to lose. My dad’s mom, I felt…. empty… numb… nothing. She would favouritize my brothers, and had been cruel to both my mom and my dad in the past. Her neighbours kids was crying so much in the funeral, and I just sat there dry eyed. They had a completely different experience of her. You are allowed to feel whatever it is your feeling. I respected the sorrow of those around me, but I also respected me. It’s ok to not be sad. It’s ok to feel angry. It’s ok to feel whatever.
I don’t know what word, except maybe meh. I was tired of it, of her, of all the family drama and generational trauma she maintained. And that’s ok.
Do what you need to support your dad. Nothing more.