I am writing this merely to get it out of my system.

I am writing this merely to get it out of my system. I have spoken to some family members about it, but they didn’t really listen to the hurt I truly feel for this person. I am on the verge of tears as I write this, but I met this woman in 2014 on a bus. I saw her on Facebook one Friday night and thanked her for letting me get off the bus with a joke I can’t remember, but she laughed and said it wasn’t a problem for a few hours. We got to know one another slowly because she had recently ended a relationship, but only for a few months.

We would say good morning five times a week and chat until we fell asleep, still getting to know one another. At this point, we were supporting one another. I wasn’t the type to talk, and not too long ago, I had an incident where I was still dealing with an ex who had cheated. To put it briefly, I tried to kill myself and couldn’t trust anyone, so I told her my secret after she told me hers. She cheated on her ex while intoxicated, and it was a lengthy paragraph about it. We both managed to pull ourselves out of the deep depression we were in.

We were very close, and she wanted me to speak with a friend of hers who could help me. After that, she thanked me for helping her trust people again, told her there was no problem, and thanked her for the same. For a few months, we would talk all day because I had never been this eager to talk to someone before, until I did something foolish and remembered her secret. I told her because I was toxic, and she was furious and told me, “she can’t believe I went behind her back and told her secret.” We continued to talk until I apologized, and she said she would “forgive me.”

She would write me at night during the summer, saying, “I tried to forgive you but I just can’t forgive you for what you did,” and she would say she wanted to quit communicating to me, but you could see she wasn’t truly forgiving me even though we would continue communicate. I apologize again; she didn’t write back, and it broke my heart. A few days later, I started crying.

A few years later, I realized my mistake and talked to other women, but they weren’t successful because I didn’t commit to them. I changed my ways, fixed my anger issues, and became more talkative and trusting because she helped me become that way. I tried talking to her again, but I did it on another account, and let’s say it didn’t work out. She was upset and told me to move on. That’s all I remember from that conversation, and I still regret everything I did wrong to her..