I’m 16m, and I asked a girl out (17f), and it didn’t go well, at least in my opinion.
I slipped a note in her locker, because I couldn’t say it to her in person. I froze up, even when I had attempted to ask her. I almost fainted, thank god I didn’t.
She saw it, I heard from my friend who had another class with her (I have none with her), and she was showing the note to people. I put in the note 3 times I wanted her to not show it to anyone, and she shows it to anyone humanly possible who will listen.
I got told she showed everyone by one of her best friends, as well as that she was going to reject me. I thought that her friend was lying, because of how much she lies already (yk, the kinda bigger ‘protective’ friend). She wasn’t.
The girl texted me saying that she “doesn’t like me like that” and that she wanted to stay friends.
I asked her how many people she showed the note to, and she said 3 people. I proceeded to name about 5 people she showed, and she just went kinda silent.
I later then, when we saw each other in person, I told her more people that she showed the note to, and she just looked at me like a deer with headlights.
Her showing the note to people was a big thing to me. It was being private, in a more intimate moment, and she showed it to everyone.
So I texted her, and I told her that if she wants to stay friends she can, but I’m not going to put any effort in. She burned every bridge when she showed the note to people, and then lied through her teeth to me too.
Was a big loss for me, but I’m glad I managed to dodge a bullet in the end
Edit: Removed T’was, I realize how stupid it looked, and fixed deer in headlights.
Edit 2: Wow, this post really blew up. I wrote this out for me to write it out, and I really appreciate everyone’s words and advice that I will most definitely follow in the future. Thanks everyone!
Comments
She’ll probably end up liking you now
Good for you.
If you ask in person, there’s no note to show
Look mate, few rejections will be this bad in the future. If ever again.
Not to dismiss you’re feelings but this stuff will feel so meaningless when you’re an adult. I don’t mean 18-21 I mean 27+
You’ll look back, think she sucks, and understand relationships much deeper than you could ever imagine right now.
Keep having a crack, big props for taking that well, I wouldn’t have at 17.
Man, you could not payyyy me to go back to high school. NO thanks.
play teenage dirtbag on repeat. when that gets boring play Puddle Of Mud’s ‘She fucking hates me’ and you will realise many of us here celebrated this phenomenon 20 years ago.
Holy fking cringe dude.
I get the feeling and it sucks so I wanna validate you on that, but I also wanna say that I got rejected so many times I stopped caring and then I no longer feared it.
Asking a teen girl not to do something is basically asking her to do it. Reverse psychology! Next note write “please show this to everyone” to ensure she burns the note and not any bridges. 🔥
Is this real?
The only time I’ve seen anyone use "T’was" is from a Christmas story by Charles Dickens
Proud of you bruv!
I know it’s hard to see now, but if you can laugh at yourself for her showing the note off to other people, you’ll be emotionally stronger for it and give you confidence going forward!
Keep taking swings
If you don’t want someone to share something don’t put it in writing.
But if it makes you feel better I had a girl in HS laugh at me for asking her out and then talk shit about me to her friends.
It’s was a tough lesson for you buy not a loss. It’s her loss. Here what you aren’t seeing right now:
1) you gathered the courage to do something that was hard. That alone is a win for you. (I speak from experience with anxiety on self esteem issues of the past) do more of this. Maybe even intentionally seek rejection by jokingly asking out chick’s you are almost certain would say no if they thought you were serious. Eventually romantic rejection gets easier with this method. At least it did for me.
2)her showing people shows you who she really is. Not a friend. Cut out the cancer from your life.
3)keep an eye out for chick’s talking about how mean she was. If they express this to you directly, that is a chick you should befriend and hope something blossoms with.
Whatever you do, don’t let this pain change you into her or worse. The next chick isn’t the last chick. This is something I feel males and females struggle with. "Hurt people, hurt people. "
Honestly, as bad as you might think this is, at least you took the chance. Don’t be afraid to shoot your shot and go for the things/people you want in life. If you never take the chance you’ll never get it.
Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
One thing I have learned is never commit to writing something that you do not want other people to see.
Ok I’m really sorry this happened to you but it warms my heart that teens are still asking each other out via notes in lockers!!
> I put in the note 3 times I wanted her to not show it to anyone
That was a mistake since
>and she shows it to anyone humanly possible who will listen.
This ALWAYS follows.
Also that girl is conceited, which is why she wants to show thr note to everyone, as she’s trying to flex that someone liked her enough to leave a note.
In the future try to talk to people in person, and remember two or three days from now to a week no one’s going to remember the fucking note/everyone was on to something else.
Sorry this happened to you but persevere op as it will pass
I do not miss high school. Don’t worry mate, someday you won’t lose sleep over this.
Be proud to ask someone out, never hide it even when rejection is a possibility. Put on your big boy pants. Jeez, young people!?!
Not sure what was in the note, but that sucks dude. Sorry for you.
Always ask in person though in HS. Notes or texts will be passed around. Hell, that shit happens to adults too. Asking in person shows confidence, and you’re way more likely to get a yes. Pouring your heart out in a note like 10 Things I hate about you only works in the movies. Not to mention the “don’t show it to anyone”. Really not what girls look for.
Keep at it! You’ve learned lessons today, and you’ll be better able to execute next time.
Well, first of all you can’t control what other people do. All you can control is your own actions. It’s kinda weird that you asked her how many people she showed. And specifically asked her not to show anyone. It just comes off as super self conscious and insecure. Next time either just write your name and number and hand it over or gather the courage to approach.
Several things- Good that you called her out on her shit. 2nd you don’t need to rope yourself into someone that is frankly disrespectful. 3rd Do not leave a paper trail ever that will incriminate you, that goes for future jobs too unless it’s in your favor then get that paper trail. This will be one of many rejections in your life, it’s going to be ok.
So did you not want her to show the note, i couldn’t quite tell.
Once you put it in writing, you have absolutely no control over it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a note, text, picture. If you don’t want anyone else to see don’t put it out there. Always assume it’s going to be seen by others.
Don’t write letters. Take it from me! Talk to a girl first. If you can’t talk to the hot girl, find someone you can talk and flirt with. Act as if you don’t care how things will go one way or the other. Practice talking to any girl you can. Show interest in their lives. People like to talk about themselves. Then when you get some experience you can work your way up the ladder. Rejection sucks but it is part of life. Congrats on at least taking the shot. You’ll do better the next time.
Here’s a little advice: never put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want to be read aloud in front of everyone.
I’m very sorry this didn’t go the way you hoped it would.
Think of the amount of guys that wish they would have written a note to a girl they liked and regretted not doing it. At least you tried!
Did you say “ ‘Twas” in your letter?
Over reacting. Feel proud that people know you asked her out. That took a lot of balls. Own that shit! You rock and other people would think so too after seeing you shoot your shot!
4 years of high-school, It’s rough kiddo but it will be over before you know it. Don’t let it get you down. She clearly isn’t worth it. She also clearly can’t be trusted. You will meet a nice girl and forget all about this. Focus on school, that’s what is important. Everything else will fall into place.
Important to note, her showing people the note that says “Hey I don’t want this shown to people” 3 seperate times arguably more accomplishes making look more like a jackass than it does embarrassing you. Yeah, this sucks, but honestly do you really want to date someone that would do that to anyone? She saved you some trouble, and things can only really go up from here with other people. Please don’t let this dissuade you from making moves in the future or let it hurt your confidence. However, you could take it as a lesson to do things face to face in the future.
Some people, their entire lives would never even take such a risk as you did. Regardless of the outcome please think about this as a positive experience something you will be able to look back on as you’re older and know the reason why that you can handle anything in your life is because of moments like those. You’re a brave man, likely braver than I and good for you for trying. Stay on that course of being a badass and the world is your oyster.
So you were too scared to ask but brave enough to confront her? 😐
I asked “A Girl” out
Congratulations! That’s where it starts, ask out 100 more and watch what happens! #SeeTheMagic
Basically exactly the same thing happened to me in school. At my age now it is such an irrelevant memory that I had totally forgotten about it until I read your post. You will soon get over it mate
Why do you fools always do the note/letter no no no, literally just go up to her and talk to her like a man
If you can’t ask a girl out in person then you shouldn’t ask a girl out.
i hope u understand its the same with sending nudes
“Deer with headlights” 😂
You learned a valuable lesson today. Ask verbally, damn the torpedoes!
She’s a girl not a goddess…she’s human. If she says no, move on. Don’t overthink it. The reason a woman rejects you could have nothing to do with you in particular…it could be a thousand other reasons you cannot forecast.
Chive on!
Yeah buddy, at least you had the confidence to shoot your shot respectfully, and that’s all you can do. You gotta know when you do it you stand a chance of rejection, but honestly, she showed what a crummy person she is by making a big deal out of it. Keep your head up.
Thank fucking god I’m 27. I forgot how exhausting high school is
This was a learning experience. Never pass a note you wouldn’t be ok with everyone reading 😊
So now you know. Better luck next time.
I’m honestly troubled that you expected anything other than her showing it around. I’d have seen that coming in 1988.
High school moments like this can feel magnified, but the way you handle it can shift the narrative in your favor. Stay composed, mature, and confident while subtly highlighting her breach of trust.
First and foremost, remain unflustered. Avoid showing visible embarrassment or anger. The more unbothered you seem, the less power the situation has over you.
Keep walking into class and conversations as though nothing has changed. People admire those who are unaffected by adversity.
Show Kindness, Not Pettiness and avoid retaliating or saying mean things about her. If the topic comes up you can subtly make a statement like, "I believe personal things are better kept private, but it’s all good." This implies she lacked integrity without making you seem bitter or accusatory.
Let people’s impression of you be defined by your character rather than the drama.
Handling it this way not only makes you look mature, but also sets an example of grace under pressure.
Don’t fret. Shit happens. People are petty. Many of us have been there. I know I have.
That’s pretty shitty. Also not to sound like a prick, but as you’re young you probably misheard it, but it’s “deer in headlights”
"It was an intimate moment".. lil bro it’s highschool, and you dropped a note in her locker asking her out… that’s not intimate, it was something that made you feel uncomfortable for you to do, but took courage.
You’ll be fine. In a week, no one will remember this and life will be as it was before. It’s embarrassing to be turned down, but believe me, many adults have had our school love notes get out. Wait until it’s confiscated by a teacher and read aloud to the class. You’ll wanna die, but it’ll be alright.
Also, stop harassing her about it, it’s over and you’re just beating a dead horse over a moment that you won’t remember in a decade
Girls are into guys who are brave enough to say hard things. Good on you for actually going for it, but you’re going to need to build that confidence.
Hey OP most dates won’t go well because most people won’t vibe with most people and that’s okay. Dating requires practice to get good at like everything else in life!
No worries dude you’re young and this will be no big deal real soon. A couple takeaways:
childish children, passing notes, getting pissy with rejection. you are not ready to date.
First of all never say T’was again.
Secondly, you gotta be confident with the ladies. Desperation is a massive turn off, even if you check all the other boxes.
If you’re so nervous you literally can’t get words out to ask this girl out, DO NOT ASK THE GIRL OUT. She’s showing everyone because a note like that is weird (I did this exact same thing numerous times so don’t worry, you’ll grow out of it). If you went up and asked her on a date then you wouldn’t be humiliated like you are now.
Live and learn, we all do. And seriously don’t say twas
Gotta learn how to ask in person, my man. She can’t show her friends a note if you aren’t giving her one.
Look her in her eyes, give her a wide smile and put your best foot forward next time.
And truthfully, this just reflects poorly on her and NOT you. Other guys are going to see her reaction and not want to ask her out because of how she treated you. Other girls are going to see you being sweet and they are going to think "wow I’d love to get a note like that…"
You didn’t get the result you wanted, but you have the chance to turn this into an overall positive experience for yourself. Reflect on what went well with this girl, reflect on what you could do better. You can use this as a launching pad to improve your dating skills and find a girl that you really want and will treat you the way you want to be treated.
Next time don’t be such a coward and ask her on person.
Bud, you’re having a quintessential high school experience. It’s not unique nor will it sting forever. I promise.
Do your best “whatever, idc” act until it blows over.
Learn to accept rejection lil homie. It brings character and helps you mature to handle said rejection. Life isn’t always pretty, but the more you can handle such situations, the more attractive you will be with the confidence you gain.
I believe in you.
I know this isnt going to make sense to you right now. You gotta trust me on this…..so, she’s not interested in you right now. There are bigger tragedies. The thing you gotta do now is pretend it doesn’t bother you. It doesn’t bother you that she showed anyone. It means nothing now and if anyone brings it up and laughs, you laugh right along with them. Show people that you’re unphased by her reaction. Show people you can laugh at yourself and they will soon forget.
Remember, you’re both young and making mistakes along the way. I’m trying to help you save face here. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. It goes a long way in life.
Deer in headlights.
Man, I miss the days when being mildly betrayed and rejected by a girl felt like the end of the world.
This is a learning opportunity. You are forbidden from ever noting a girl again. It was mega cringe, it happens. Learn from it. If you lack the confidence to ask in person, you lack the confidence to date.
Also she owes you nothing and you had no basis for thinking she would honor your request to keep your cringe letter private. Absolute zero. You threw yourself under that bus.
And if you ever use ‘twas’ again in any context that a woman could perceive how cringe you are, some grown man better find you and slap the shit out of you. It’s as much a guaranteed fail as a locker letter.
But hey, willingness to fail is 80% of the battle. Now be willing to fail by speaking in person. Fail a hundred times. You’ll get good at it, you’ll stop nearly fainting, you’ll understand that there are no stakes to any of these interactions, and eventually you’ll succeed. You shit the bed here because you weren’t willing to fail, so you half-assed it and tried to get laid without getting uncomfortable. Discomfort is growth, you will never be rewarded for not taking risks.
You didn’t dodge the bullet she did lol
Dude she didn’t owe you shit. Just because you said not to show it…doesn’t mean she can’t do whatever the fuck she wants.
Bssed on how you describe your actions in your post…I’m willing to bet the note was creepy as fuck
You sound obsessive. That’s a personality trait you’ll want to work on.
You wrote a love letter to a person who had no idea you were romantically interested in them…and had a flawed and unrealistic expectation of the note being kept to themselves.
What you’ll need to learn from this is dignity and proper relationship conduct. If you ask a girl out, expect them to share this info with anyone they want to…you don’t control this, nor should you feel an expectation of privacy. Also, don’t be bitter after rejection. Rejection is a part of relationships. What you did was choose to be ugly and try to get back at her by pointing out a breach in your assumed privacy…which was not owed to you at all.
Live and learn youngin’. You’ll have much more luck with girls/women if you develop thicker skin and accept rejection with class.
""You miss 100% of the shots you dont take."
-Wayne Gretzky"
-Michael Scott
This will be a story you tell around the fire laughing about one day, not anytime soon, but one day.
Youre going to be thinking about this in a shower in ten years
Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.
Holy shit this screams neckbeard in training.
Also, just something to think about… chicks dig confidence. Good on you for taking the leap and asking her out, but I think it will go much better next time if you can muster the courage to ask her to her face. It’s a bit of a meek look to do it with a note and then be insecure about who else might know about it. Don’t let this experience deter you, but rather it should embolden you with what you can do better next time to project that confidence that chicks will be looking for.
For future reference champ, never write down or take a picture of something that you would be embarrassed if a girl showed to everyone. That includes your dick
Don’t sweat it. It wasn’t a "friends" move of her to show other people, but your request to not show wasn’t binding in any way, even just socially. She didn’t owe you anything, but it was kinda rude and I’d leave it at that with her. Just try again with someone else you have a connection with 🤷♂️ you’ll get better at it.
And it could have gone worse! I’m so old that I had to call a girl from my landline to her landline, and talk to her mom and then dad (who I had never met) for several minutes about myself, my church attendance, my future plans at 16, while she was finishing in the shower.
I heard the word "shower" and that was all I could think about. Trying to formulate words into sentences to answer her parents’ questions was physically painful, I was so distracted. Plus then she just flat-out rejected me with no hope of reconsidering.
If you’re curious why it went so badly, the note made you look like a creepy coward, then you confronting her with exact numbers made you look like a stalker.
I’m reading a lack of confidence here. You’re in high school, that’s to be expected. However, confidence is attractive. next time, try asking the person out in person. It looks better, and there’s nothing to be shown off if the feelings aren’t returned. Good luck, you’re gonna be ok
No girl ever is going to keep it a secret from her friends when a guy asks her out/shows interest. Ever. Ever. If you want to date someone, her friends will know everything. But also yeah, don’t put stuff in writing. Hard lesson, but it’s good to learn it early.
Dating in high school is just weird. At that stage of my life, I didn’t have any hobbies or anything going on that was particularly interesting. The same with all the girls I dated. Most of my dates started and ended in silence. Most young couples are blank slates, and relationships only happen because we are all compelled to be in one at that age.
Reading posts like this remind me of why I absolutely hated high school.
Everyone talks behind each other’s backs and the vast majority of people are snakes.
I’m sorry that happened to you and it’ll feel embarrassing now but trust me, in a couple of weeks it’ll be like it didn’t happen.
She does not owe you ‘intimacy’ as in not showing it to anyone. Asking to keep secrets feels a little off, it is not up to you to decide what she or anyone shares about her life to their friends. I completely understand why you’d feel that way though, it took a lot of courage!
my guy you are 16 believe it is 1. not an intimate moment at all and 2. really not that serious none of these idiots opinions will mater in not even 5 years 99% of your classmates will be kia as far as you know
legitimately i only kept in contact/saw about 5 people from my highschool by the time i was a year out. that number only gets smaller as time passes and peoples lives change.
You sound extremely neck beardy here. Especially when you use “T’was” at the end there. Stop with the notes and the neck beard behavior. Next time, get the confidence to talk to girls in person and be respectful. No one owes you a date or indebted to like you romantically. Keep it casual and see what sparks are mutual with others.
Women tell their friends everything! Any expectation of privacy is foolish. Also she didn’t agree to keep your note private. You gave it to her unsolicited and of your own free will. She was under NO obligation to keep it secret. Your somewhat creepy followup behavior will also be reported to the group.
You did this thing the wrong way. Hopefully you’ll learn.
I think we all went through our own version of this same thing.
It’s a canon event in coming of age. You’ll be fine.
“Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.”
Thanks pops 🙏
I’m afraid you don’t get to demand privacy in an unsolicited note.
Bro, this is going to be some hard advice to follow, but I WISH someone would have given it to me earlier in life.
At 16, you are not dating to find a life partner. If you are not dating to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, then you are dating for the sake of heartbreak. Think about that a bit.
Have friends who are girls, get really good at talking to them, being playful/teasing, so that when you’re a bit older and start to want to find that person to (potentially) spend your life with, you’ll be able to chat her up and not be awkward/nearly faint.
You will still likely encounter some heartbreak, but minimize it as much as you can. Your older self will thank you.
Take this from somebody who is more than twice your age and easily old enough to be your dad:
This is something you will learn with age…
Women thrive off attention. She didn’t show the note to anyone else to hurt you. It was so she could get attention and increase her social standing by showing off that she is worthy of somebody asking her out. It doesn’t matter who.
For her, it was about her, not you.
You shot your shot, and it didn’t land. It’s not that deep, so don’t dwell on it. She’s not the last.
Also, don’t waste any energy on either being friends with her or making an enemy of her. Move on with your life and put energy into things that will benefit you and people who will benefit you.
In the same way it was about her to her, understand that it should be about you for you.
Bro if you can’t even ask her out in person., just…..don’t.
Don’t write notes for exactly this reason, its funny, its embarrassing, this is life.
Take it on the chin and move on
man up and talk to girls directly, they cant eat you
If anyone says shit just act like it doesn’t phase you and say at least you have the balls to shoot your shot
Take this as a valuable life lesson.
These "sneaky/coy/subtle" ways are never the way to express interest in someone.
Best straight forward and respectful, and shoot your shot.
As you get older, you will realise it is really not that big of a deal.
Bruh be a man and ask her in person what if she said yes would u freeze up again lol
If you ask a lady (yes, lady) out, do it in person, confidently, and with a smile. And don’t assume that just because you do it in person with a smile and put your best self forward it will be accepted. Dating sucks and it’s a numbers game. But you have to put yourself out there.
Dodged a bullet, my friend. She is not the one, and did you a huge favor by showing her true colors.
You mentioned that your said on the note THREE times not to show it? How long was the note? This is coming from an autistic person, but are YOU autistic? Place yourself in her shoes and think about what she’d want to hear