Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and I’ve known him for a little over two years now. Recently we’ve been fighting constantly and I feel like he’s neglecting me and quiet quitting the relationship.
His parents are also visiting, who I never met but told him I’d like to meet them but he hasn’t initiated anything yet and they leave mid July. Recently during a conversation I asked if he sees a future with me and he says “I want to”.
We’re also from two different religious backgrounds and a couple months earlier he made a comment saying “I’m not a good muslim girl” when talking about how his parents are okay with him and his ex (she’s muslim) going on trips but they wouldn’t be okay with me and him going on trips. This comment alone has been weighing me down for some time now because I feel like I was sl** shamed by my own boyfriend who isn’t even religious.
I’d also ask him to hang out with me and he’d always make excuses even though he knows I’m going through a depressive phase. I recently got the courage and asked for a break from the help of my friends because they saw how much this relationship is weighing me down.
My friends have been an amazing support system and they’ve been hearing me out and letting me vent about all of this and they all feel the two comments about the future and the “good muslim girl” implies he doesn’t see a future with me. If someone were to say those things to you would you be taken aback? Should I even try to save the relationship or is it just pointless and I’m wasting my time?
TL;DR: My emotionally distant boyfriend and says he “wants to” see a future with me and my friends think it means he doesn’t see a future with me. What/how would you react if your partner said that?
Comments
I don’t want to be rude but you’re almost 30 and you’re dating a Muslim man in his 30s who regrets that you’re not Muslim, tells you straight up his parents won’t approve, and whose parents are visiting and he’s not introducing you AFTER 2 YEARS. What else is there to say? He’s not going to marry you and the second his parents name drop an approved Muslim girl from their hometown, you’re toast. Sorry. Move on.
first comment was removed due to language, so i cleaned it up:
i’m from a muslim family and i’ll be honest with you: it’s common for muslim guys to date and fuck around, then after they’ve had their fun they’ll dump their nonmuslim gf and then marry some virgin muslim girl that their parents approve of. it’s very unfortunate and fucked up, however it’s super common. this is especially the case if his family is religious and traditional. if he has siblings and they’ve married nonmuslims and the family was fine with it, it increases the likelihood that it could work for you. however it already sounds like he’s checked out of the relationship at this point. also, it takes two to tango—it’s absolutely rich that he’s sl*t shaming you while he’s the one having sex with you. he’s disrespectful and sexist, and i think you deserve better.
you have two choices: you can offer to “convert” to islam for appearances and make his family approve of you, or you can make a clean break and date someone else who will treat you better. if i were you, i would tell him that you want the “break” to be permanent and go see other people. you’re still in your 20’s so i would try to get back out there ASAP before the dating pool begins to dry up. thankfully you have a good support system that you can lean on during this period—so make sure you spend more time with your friends and family now and focus on doing things that make you happy. good luck!