Im a woman- for context. I’ve been married to my husband for a little over a year now. We dated for a while before getting married. While we were dating we had a lot of amazing sex. My husband back then initiated sex a lot with me. He couldn’t keep his hands off me. He does still compliment me all the time.. but years down the line i feel like our sex life has become kind of.. dull. Ive mentioned to him that most of the time I don’t even climax anymore. My husband doesn’t last long anymore either. Only a few minutes. When he finishes he tells me he’s sorry and that we will go again but we never do after as life gets busy and by the time we get back to laying in bed he doesn’t make a move or seem interested in sex. We used to have a lot of foreplay.. kissing..passion.. Usually I ask for sex or occasionally he gets a boner and asks me to take care of it. I’m feeling really unsatisfied in our sex life. There’s been a few times where I bring up using a toy so that I can get off too but he seems upset when I bring that up and I just don’t want to finish at that point. This has been going on for months. It hasn’t really changed at all. I told him that I would like to have sex a few times a week..maybe 2-3 times a week. He said okay.. then he will initiate with me the day I say something then it goes right back to how it was. He blames his shift in sexual desire on the fact he’s tired from work, and said to me on many occasions “I don’t just want you for sex.” Which if that were true wouldn’t he be screwing me all the time..? He worked more than he does now back then and we still had more sex. We do have kids now so I understand we have to wait till kiddos go to bed to have sex and I don’t mind that but I wish we could have sex consistently.. I feel so frustrated and disconnected from him… I don’t know what to do anymore.. communicating doesn’t work and I’m kind of depressed. I just had our son almost 6 months ago and my body is a little different.. but I’ve been taking care of myself and have lost all my baby weight already.. I thought that maybe my weight gain from being pregnant turned him off but that can’t be it because it’s gone.. right..?
I barely have sex with my husband anymore.. help
r/Advice
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Why does he always have to be the one to initiate sex? If
you want sex, ask for it.
You guys should see a couples counselor and I’d also recommend seeing someone individually too. It’s tough after having a child, and often times it’s tough on both parents (not just the mother). You sound like you are having self confidence doubts after having your baby which is completely understandable – but your husband may truly be exhausted from work and helping around the house etc. As a man who had an insatiable drive, I can tell you that your libido (both for men and for women) can fluctuate a great deal from month to month or year to year. So long as you guys are communicating in a healthy way – and you guys have trust – you are doing a lot lot lot better than a lot of other couples out there who have toxic relationships but may have sex more often. It sounds like your love language is physical touch whereas your husband’s may be more acts of service- and that’s OK!
Hello dear friend. Communication is first and foremost. How have your conversations started and ended when broaching the subject. How do you word to him you want to use one? He might interpret that as he is not doing his best for you and is intimidated by it. He might just need gentle reassurance its a tool to help initiate and stimulate you (and/or him), not that you’re “replacing him”. If he is tired from work and you feel disconnected, make it a fun game or experiment. Little ways you both can try intimacy. You can start with kisses in the small moments and spaces, a hug or rub before work, tease each other via text build anticipation. Leave him naughty notes or cute ones just so he knows he is on your mind. On the grander scale, you mentioned work – he might be dealing with secret stress or pressures from work that is affecting his mental and physical health. Maybe he would benefit from closeness and companionship currently before jumping to intimacy. Remind him you’re a safe space and person for him to talk to and that this affects you and your relationship. You observed that your desires are not on the same page and worried. Be honest and explain you miss him and its hurting your confidence. Assurance is important, and you need (words of affirmation with perhaps physical affection).
Don’t just spring this on him. Make a date night, find a babysitter or trusted person to help supervise the kiddos. Build it up. Or perhaps schedule an “appointment” to specifically talk about what is missing or how you feel
Sounds pretty normal to me. I think it has to be a spontaneous thing. If you sit around and think about it happening, you’ll just drive yourself crazy. Let it happen when it happens, don’t think about it and before you know it’ll start happening more often and you’ll be more content and satisfied.
I’d tell him how much you need this. Maybe talk to a counselor if nothing changes? Not sure if there’s some reason he doesn’t want sex that he’s not telling you? If he’s ashamed or something, often men won’t tell their wife, they’re just quiet and ashamed alone and don’t talk about it. Anyway hope you get help and he is what you need again
It was the opposite for me (28m) and my (25f) fiancé, after she had our baby, her sex drive was non existent. And mine was at an all time high, I thought her body looked amazing after she had our baby. I would try to initiate and she would say “not tonight” I would ask her what’s going on, if she was okay. And she would say the same thing of being tired from her day.
He needs blue pills. Online pharmacy will ship in 2 days
Boners will be hard and last longer.
May be it is men’s post martum
First of all I applaud you for wanting it with the person you love. I (55M) experienced this as well but later learned it could be the beginning of rough waters ahead. Many couples significantly drop sex life and we always try to compare to the early days of the relationship. Lots of things medically including low T contribute. Look into that as an option. If he is interested in the root cause you are good ….if he’s not interested in trying to find out why then yellow flag.
If he won’t finish you off his with hands or tongue then use the toys.
He sounds a little bit selfish. If he knows he isn’t going to last long then he should concentrate on your pleasure first.
Lack of sex could be because of performance anxiety, he is embarrassed about finishing quickly, low libido due to low testosterone, but could also be a lot of other reasons. Have you asked him why? He needs to speak up and be honest.
Do you currently have any toys.
You can tell him that it’s not him and that your hormones are all over the place that your body needs a bit help to orgasm. Tell him that you know it can take a while and that’s why you want to use the toys. If he still doesn’t want to use them just ask him, so you don’t care about me enjoying it? It doesn’t actually bother you if I don’t finish?
He can try a ring, sleeve or pills to help.
Wow… your husband is nuts dear.. u r a keeper
Gets his testosterone levels checks. Maybe just has low test
If you would like him to last longer, make sure you keep his balls Drained !! Foreplay to climax before u even have sex can help him last longer,
Gotta plan specific date nights where you do something special and get the wine going.
Are you initiating at all? Or just saying “I’d like sex 2-3 times a week” and then leaving the actual initiation to him?
And if so, how are you initiating?
Where are you guys located? It is most definitely normal. But it does tell its tale. It is clear signs on his end. Especially if your the main communicator. No difference from my wife and I. Not legally married, separated now, left for another man, lol, had my only child with her, she’s not happy btw
. Not that really any of that was important just self security in guess I’m sorry. But I can help. Dm me honestly. It’s not your fault.
His testosterone could be low, or just give him a few doses and he’d been having no sec with you 3 times a day
Be happy you are married and with someone who loves you no matter what… Is sex really THAT important? You get to fall asleep with the man you love and wake up with him. As someone who just lost the love of his life because I was too stubborn to tell her I had to take out a loan to pay for my car repair, and I used the rest to buy her engagement ring (which I never got the chance to propose with)…. So she found out I lied and now we are no longer together… Be happy you have the one that was made for you… Sex is meaningless in comparison to having support and love.