Preface: I’m 27M & very obviously Gay. Not into women at all (love y’all though). The term “hottie” that I use is like, when someone helps you out with a favor or does something really nice for you & you say “omg you’re such a hottie for that thank you so much” even if you don’t find them attractive whatsoever.
Well yesterday I was at the beach alone just having some quality me time & also had a few drinks so feeling a little buzzed. I was standing in line at a food stand but didn’t see they sold alcohol, so I asked these group of girls in front of me if they knew somewhere that sold margaritas. They looked like teens, maybe just graduated high school so after that clicked in my head I’m like.. “why did I just ask these children where alcohol is?” Mind you I was tipsy. They looked like locals so I figured they’d know of at least a restaurant or something (I’m not originally from here)
They were super sweet & helpful & gave off great vibes so after the interaction I was like “thank you so much y’all are such hotties” & immediately walked off to do my thing.
As soon as I said it though, I cringed. I was like oh my fucking god… I genuinely hope they did not think I was actually calling them hot, because I definitely was not. And like I said, I’m very obviously gay; how I dress, the way I talk, mannerisms, etc etc. so I felt like they understood the vibe.
Anyway, I’m thinking about this the day after & feeling kinda bad about it 🙁 I call allll my friends “hotties” even my family lmao. It’s not a term I view in my head as a sexual compliment. It’s like the equivalent to “sweetheart” or “honey” or something. But yeah just wanted to get that off my chest
Comments
Just don’t say it to toddlers next. Might cause more than an eyebrow to be raised.
Look, being a teenage girl at one point, as long as a guy wasn’t creepy and was nice, we were fine. Add on being obviously gay, I doubt they even thought about it like that. I even remember one girl talking about how she wished she had a gbf to talk fashion and stuff with (stereotype ik, but you get it). You probably made them feel good in a not creepy way and boosted their teenage egos a bit.
I’m going to go against the grain I’m seeing so far. Being gay doesn’t automatically exempt you from being creepy or objectifying women, even if it may not have been the case here. I wouldn’t be cool with any grown ass adult calling my teen daughter a “hottie”, and wouldn’t assume it was an innocent term. Those girls had no reason to immediately know you’re safe, they don’t know you. It’s good you’ve learned from the mistake, just say someone is nice next time.
i’m sure they had a laugh!
There are a million versions of ourselves out there from the briefest of impressions people have.
Maybe you’re a creep to them, maybe not! But everyone has moments where they go “aaahhhh, shit, I did not think those words through.”
At the end of the day, I think the big thing is that you truly meant nothing by it, but still had the self-awareness and reflection to go “oops, hmm,” instead of disengaging from it entirely!
Put it to you this way, you seem to be the guy who says sorry and means it, rather than the guy who says sorry just to get the lecturing to stop, lol.
If you’re obviously gay then they were probably like “awww he was cute!” It’s fine lol!!
Gosh, I really can’t believe you’re still sweating this. It’s like… those girls were probably just smiling and thinking you were a nice guy who called them hotties because that’s what friends do! Like, I get it, you might’ve said it in a weird context but come on, put yourself in their shoes for a sec
I mean sure, if they got offended or anything, that’d be a whole different story. But from the way you’re going on about this, I doubt that’s what happened at all. Maybe try asking them directly? “Hey, did you guys think I meant that weirdly when I called ya hotties?” If they say yes, then yeah, apologize and move on. But if they’re like “huh, no we just thought you were being friendly” then maybe take their word for it, ya know?