I came out to my dad last night. I’m 23. I should’ve done it sooner, but I grew up in a house where the word “gay” was only ever said like it was something dirty. Like it was shameful.
But I couldn’t keep hiding. Not from everyone. Not from him. I thought maybe, just maybe, time had softened him.
So I told him.
He didn’t yell. He didn’t cry. He didn’t throw anything or curse or slam the door.
He just looked at me, shook his head once, and walked away. No words. Just silence.
And somehow… that hurt more than if he’d screamed.
Because that silence was full of everything I was afraid of—disappointment, disgust, rejection. I sat there alone at the kitchen table for almost an hour, staring at the empty chair he left behind, wondering if I’d just lost my father for good.
He hasn’t talked to me since.
But here’s the thing: as painful as that silence was, I still feel lighter. For the first time in my life, I told the truth. And if he can’t love me for that… I’ll learn to live without his love.
Because I finally have my own.
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the silence really does say everything sometimes, and i’m so sorry he couldn’t show up for you the way you deserved. but the fact that you still chose truth, chose you—that’s powerful as hell. you did something brave and honest, and that matters more than his reaction ever will. you’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it right now.
Big internet sister here. I AM PROUD OF YOU!
Can you join a local group or move to an area more accepting? I’ve always said that some close friendships are way better than family who isn’t supportive.
You are worthy of love. You are beautiful just as you are. You are exactly who you are meant to be. You are deserving. You are enough.
Be safe.
he will realize youre still who you are and maybe he already had an idea. but im proud of you! its an immense confidence boost when you embrace who you are
Your dad sucks but that doesn’t mean you are anything lesser.
Good job confronting it.
Maybe he’s gotta digest it. His world is really affected in this Moment.. hopefully he says something soon
I feel every bit of this cause I slowly started to make peace with never telling my family and just leaving them in their own play—super religious super strict holier than thou vibe from as far back as I can remember using anyone different from them as an insult and measure to just how superior they are but this has made me rethink things in a way I’d be relieved to disappoint them for the sake of my freedom.
This was BOLD and I love what you just did you should be proud of yourself 🫶🏽You stood by your own side and that type of advocacy can never be taken away from you. You’ll probably need some time to adjust and step into this reality where you’re no longer hiding parts of you and I hope you have the real time support you’ll need.
If he can’t reflect on his mindset and revise his position then it was all conditional love to start with. Take care of yourself we are proud of you and you are loved by so many others. It’s not a crime you cannot change who you are and thank you for nolonger suffocating yourself so others can breathe.
Look, sometimes they just need time. Especially since being “gay” was so taboo in your house. My mother was silent when I came out and refused to accept it til I brought someone home. I know that the silence hurts you, just give him time and he might surprise you. Everybody processes things differently don’t count him out just yet. Good luck.
I’m proud of you for having the courage to come out. As hard as it maybe, take the silence as his loss. He lost out on getting to know you a great individual and forming a close bond. People who share the views as your dad are ignorant.
Focus on people that support you and care about you I hope you have good friends and other family in your life. Keep that head high and don’t let people like your dad bring you down.
I am here for you!
Silence can be deafening, especially when you are hoping for a response.
I hope your happiness of feeling free and open will continue to lessen the sting of his reaction. I hope he will come around and realize his mistake. I think it’s wonderful you were able to be honest and do what’s best for you and not him.
I’m sorry he did that. He will surely regret it. My daughter is gay and we love her to death and we support her and let her know that. Maybe he just needs time to sit with it?
As a dad I love you son. Love how/who you want, just don’t hurt anyone and don’t let anyone hurt you.
Just wait til you’re in a relationship. I bet your dad will have something to say then, and it’ll be a lot fkin worse than the silence.
Look at it this way: If you are stuck on one page you can’t move to the next one. It hurts, but for how long and how intensely is really up to you. At 23 you have an entire, amazing life ahead. Don’t get stuck on this page for too long.
Give him time, he’s been confronted with something that’s taken you a long time to come to terms with.
Thank you for sharing something so personal and vulnerable. That took a lot of courage, and I’m genuinely sorry your dad responded with silence that kind of reaction can cut deeper than anger. But I hope you know how powerful it is that you chose to be honest and true to yourself. That weight you’ve carried for so long? Letting go of it is a huge step forward. Whether or not your dad comes around, you deserve love and acceptance exactly as you are. You’re not alone.
I hope he comes around. Know that we’re proud of you. You have this life to live. Make it a happy one!
I’m sorry your dad is like he is. I’m sure, though, that you will have a big happy life full of adventure and love, with or without him.
At least the bandaid is ripped off.
Most fathers want a son, someone to pass on the family genetics and name. I’m my dad’s only child, and he’s rarely if ever told me he loves me. I can have children sure, but I took someone else’s last name. By being gay, you won’t have a child to give him grandchildren unless you adopt or have a surrogate situation. Give him time, and if he doesn’t come around at least you stopped hiding who you are.
Congratulations on having the strength and courage to come out. It is so liberating to live in ypur truth and be your authentic self. I’m proud of you. Now get out there and make good choices, do good things, be a great human.
Considering in his eyes it’s not normal, you’ll have to give him time to adjust and “compute” your decision. I highly doubt he’s stopped caring about you. He just doesn’t know where to go from here. If anything, I’d say he did a great job by not letting his emotions take control and possibly react in a negative way.
I’m sorry you didn’t get the support and acceptance you deserved. I’d give you a Mom hug if I could. I have two wonderful gay kids, and I wouldn’t change anything about them if I could. Your dad needs to wake up and be grateful for the great kid he has.
Maybe he just needs time to process this. As a parent, especially a father, you want your children to be better and do better than you. You have this ultimate plan of their lives written in your head which over time is rewritten as your child grows and things change. I imagine this was not in any of the scripts in his head and he needs time to process and write another script.
my dad did this initially when i told him. to be fair, i had just gotten married (long story), my parents were separating after 20+ years and my mom is now with a woman. so it wasn’t the best timing on my part, but he eventually came around and he’s the most supportive. it took him a while to digest it and the other events happening, but the silence initially really wrecked me. it was about 3.5 weeks before we actually talked after i told him.
That took some guts for you to do that, so be proud of yourself! It must feel like such a weight off your shoulders.
Perhaps your Dad may need some time to sit with this info & process things. He may yet come around.
Give him time. People don’t understand things on your time. He’s a flawed human being, just like the rest of us. Lean IN rather than judging him as intolerant and unloving. He will come back to you. Not everyone can process things immediately. Give him room to be a flawed human being just like you would expect.
FTR, I literally had this discussion with my ex wife BEFORE our children were born. Also, IMHO- it’s creepy for parents to have any input on their children’s sexuality. Sexuality belongs to the person, not the family.
Congratulations! That must’ve have been so difficult for you but you did it. Your father is straight up wrong for his reaction. I hope you continue to find out who you are and have a beautiful life!
I’m so sorry. You are worthy of love and acceptance. I could never trust a person that can create a child, watch them take their first steps, clean their skinned elbows and knees, tuck them in every night, worry over them running a fever, watch their little chubby cheeks slim into maturity…then just …cut them off because they’re attracted to the same sex. Hopefully he is just taking time to absorb the conversation. I wish you all the best OP.
Glad to read that you feel lighter. Obviously you know your dad best, but I hope he’s being silent just to process the information. And i hope he accepts it.
It’s hearing peoples stories like this, especially the ones who get disowned by their parents, that breaks my heart. How could they abandon their child? Its crazy to me. When I heard that happening to a friend back in high school (late 90s), I said to myself I would never ever do such thing. I did have a boy later on who came out when he was an adult. Sometimes I like to think his little soul heard me and he chose me as his mom.
Proud of you. That’s one of the toughest things to do. I will never be able to comprehend how brave you are to do it. Take it one day at a time.👍👍