I love my boyfriend but I don’t trust him and it’s killing me. We’re in our early thirties and when we met just over a year ago, he was in a weird stage where he lived for going out, doing drugs and drinking. He was would go days without contacting me, then other women would contact me saying they’d slept with him during this time. I gave him an ultimatum and he seemed to take it seriously, telling me his mental health was bad, he asked if he move in with me and he’d prove to me that he was serious. Now I feel like I was manipulated with this and my mental health is rock bottom because I’m so paranoid but he doesn’t seem to understand. He still drinks heavily and says he ‘blacks out’ so he doesn’t know what he’s doing. A girl contacted me in December to say she’d met up with him on a night out, and in February he punched the walls in front of me and got me in a headlock so tight I thought he was trying to choke me. Every time I try and have a conversation about our relationship or my feelings he just shuts it down saying sorry and he would never do that again. Now I feel like I’m struggling to be nice and pretending everyday while my anxiety shoots through the roof with him simply being at work. I don’t want to hurt him by breaking up with him (and am scared to because of previous MH issues) but don’t know how to put myself first for once.
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Sounds like you need to get out of this shitshow asap. he’s a danger to you. you know there are helplines around this?
What the actual f***. Yeah no. A pos boyfriend is understandable. But the “put me in a chokehold” kind of person shouldn’t be in your life. You might love him, but it’s up to you to decide what you put up with.
I would hope you’d leave asap.