I am a 21 year old male and I have a very hard time understanding why anyone would be attracted to me and have feelings for me. In both of my past relationships it’s always felt like I’ve had to work really hard because if I stopped going above and beyond they would lose interest and forget about me. I have always felt like when people love me it’s conditional and I’m currently talking to a girl and I don’t think I have any redeeming qualities that make me likable but she clearly sees something in me, any tips to becoming more confident in who I am?
I can’t bring myself to accept that people can be attracted to me
r/Advice
Comments
So I think it’s okay to accept that your face isn’t your own preference, if ppl are attracted to you you’re doing something right. Questioning them is kinda disrespectful to them. They know what and who they like, you don’t gotta fully get it. The more they show you what they like about you the more it’ll help with the confidence but that takes time.
Something that helped me was looking in a mirror and telling myself I’m cool and hot. Usually as a joke but our brains can’t tell the difference between a joke and the truth (something I heard probably just a placebo). Everytime you think something bad about yourself do the opposite, laugh at it sure but think the opposite of what you’re feeling. That helped me tbh
First, look yourself in the mirror
Maybe people find you attractive physically
Then just think of who you really are.
Maybe you have soooo many good qualities that you don’t see in yourself. Or ask them if you really wanna know.
Make a pros and cons list for yourself. I do that sometimes. Introspection is important to know who you really are. Love yourself and tell yourself that you worth it. Maybe you’ll see what the others see in you.
It sounds like you have a kind heart and a lot of self awareness both are qualities people genuinely value. Sometimes it takes time to believe we’re enough just as we are be patient with yourself.
i dont think anyone can love another person unconditionally, as long as that person is autonomous and can form their own thoughts and participate in society. in general people hate a lot more easily than they love! return nasty deeds without hesitation but return affection as though it were an obligation!
well maybe you don’t need to hear this cynical view. the best advice for confidence is just to put on a display of it, because if you pretend for long enough you might just forget you’re pretending