I’ve done things in my life that still haunt me. Years ago, I hit someone with my car. It was partly their fault, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t care enough at the time to take responsibility. Later, I found out that person lost a leg because of the accident. I’ve carried that guilt ever since.
Another time, I got into an argument over politics with someone. Things got out of hand, and I hurt them badly … badly enough that it could have been serious like he might have lost his life. For some reason, they never pressed charges, but I’ve never forgotten it.
I’ve changed since then. I focus on my business, keep to myself, and try not to hurt anyone. But the guilt never goes away. I replay those moments constantly and wonder if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. I don’t talk about this with anyone, and it feels like something I’ll carry forever.
Does anyone else struggle with guilt for things they did in the past, even if no one ever found out or held them accountable?
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Hey man, ain’t gonna pretend I know exactly how you feel, but yeah, guilt from past mistakes can hit hard. Thing is, the past is past, y’know? Nothing can change it. If you’ve truly changed and are doing your best now, that’s what matters. All you can do is learn from it, make amends where you can, and strive to be a better person going forward. We’re all human, we all f up sometimes. Carrying guilt ain’t productive, turning it into change is. Stay strong, bro.
dude go redeem yourself. Find the guy with the missing leg, pay for damages. Find the guy you almost killed over a political argument. Pay for damages. The guilt isn’t going to magically disappear with yoga or meditation or therapy or some shit. Find redemption.
Edit: If you can’t find them or they don’t want anything to do with you, put your energy/money/time towards people who got hurt by car accidents, or by gun violence or something. Just do good things to make up for the bad.
I wish i could have the right words for you but I don’t –
Guilt is a horrible feeling that no one should carry around-
My boyfriend has a similar situation, and I have no idea how to navigate it with him-
You must find therapy so they teach you how to find forgiveness to yourself-
The most important thing here is that you’re not that person anymore and you won’t do anything like that again-
But the only 2 things I can say for you is therapy and forgiveness!
I wish you the best!
Damn man… that’s heavy. I think the fact that you feel guilt shows you’re not the same person you were back then. A lot of people would just bury it and not care. The fact you’re reflecting means you’ve grown
Maybe find a way to redeem yourself.
I’ve never done anything along those lines, but if I did something pretty bad and I was blessed, not to suffer some serious consequences… I would probably do as much as I could to make up for it.
In fact, redemption would probably take over my life. I would probably make everything I do revolve around redeeming myself or just being a better person.
And therapy would probably be a good place to start .
I imagine it would require some amount of therapeutics/healing for you to actually move from this.
Bro, I’m 48, 3 adult children that dont speak to me, an ex-wife that I thought was my one and done. Currently, I am in a mostly 11-year relationship with a really cool woman who is right in the sweet spot for crazy. I love her.
I have done, instigated, or have been party to some really messed up stuff. It was always violence. If you can, get therapy and learn how to forgive yourself sooner rather than later. That’s a pro life tip. I wish I had learned it earlier.
The guilt has caused me many drug/alcohol fueled nights and many sleepless nights. It can destroy your life, bro.
You don’t have to accept your mistakes, but you have to acknowledge them and learn a lesson. Sometimes, it’s extremely difficult, and I do fail. But I learn, and learn exit strategies to prevent shit from reoccurring.
The fact that you carry this guilt means you’re not the same person who made those choices. That weight you feel is proof of your humanity, and proof that redemption is possible, even if forgiveness feels far away.
I definitely struggle with some things I’ve done.
I think we all do.
Jesus forgives you. Then in time you can forgive your self.
Moving on is always hard but at the same time u should learn to control urself more and keep to urself, making peace with the people u hurt is the only way u can find peace
Grief, shame, guilt never passes but the intensity varies and it comes and goes. I recommend living ethically from now on and help others where the opportunity arises. Also, find your special talent and try to use it to make the world a better place. If things get really dark it might help to do a deep dive into history, philosophy and esoterics etc. Although maybe no one has figured it out it can help to find authors who you are able to relate to because they are coming from a similar place. You are definitely not alone. Press on and be well.
Absolutely I am unfortunately made a choice that normally only cost me my entire family but the last living a time with my family while they were on this earth still, it haunts me every day I sleep in the room where they both died and now I’m not even with the person anymore and I deeply regret this decision I made being with that person four kids and both parents those are an infant children even the older children don’t wanna come around so I’m so embarrassed and. It’s not like my partner ever changed every year cycle, rehab pregnant rehab pregnant and even though she’s a model, she’s gorgeous this last child numbing cell phone with my mom and my dad now that I’m here in the room by myself and it’s been quite some time the reflection is clearly let meet you you conclusion that I need to cut that out of my life. Everybody else is dead.
25 years ago I was driving in the rain on a road in the country and the car coming towards me put on his left turn signal and I didn’t think they would try to turn before I passed by but they did. There was nothing I could do. I managed to jerk my wheel to the left and swerve enough to hit the back door instead of the front because I saw a woman looking right at me in the passenger seat. So I hit them going 55 approximately and sent both cars spinning. Then the car from behind them hit me n the next one hit both of us. All of our airbags went off and my car was filled with whatever that airbag dust is and I thought I was on fire. I couldn’t get out of the car cuz every side of my car was smashed and finally I managed to kick the passenger door open. Everyone was gathering around and the woman I saw was trapped in her car and 911 was on the way. The husband was trying to get her out but her arm had got stuck between the back of her seat and the back of her door/front of her back door. So her husband told me to go call again n see how long til they would be to us and I went up to his house and called. Their house had pictures everywhere of family I assume mixed in with religious things like jesus and the last supper etc. I came back out and the husband asked me if there had been an accident. WHAT?!? So the ambulance and cops come and the fire department pried the wife out. There was two people with broken arms and some scrapes n bruises etc. Mostly we were fine. I told the ambulance people the guy was disoriented n he needed checked out n they said ok. So I was cleared to leave n my husband picked me up. Over the next 6 months I saw the woman outside messing with her flower beds several times. Never saw the husband. Then I got a speeding ticket. About a month later I got a letter from the dmv saying people with points get in accidents statistically more often than those with none etc and it gave me a copy of my driving record. I didn’t get any tickets for the accident but it was listed on there and it said 3 injured 1 killed. That man had died. I know I didn’t cause the accident but I always wondered what if I had stuck around longer and been more adamant about him being prioritized. Was it a brain injury that went undetected and could have been treated like swelling of the brain where they drill holes to relieve pressure etc. No way to know. I think everyone has some guilt for something. You just keep going and try to be the best version of yourself you can. Sorry that was so long! Lol
People will tell you to go get absolution from the people you hurt, but thats not how to get rid of guilt. You’re still thinking that all this is about them. No.
Your life is about you. You hurt people and you punish yourself for it before even finding out if they’d punish you. You think you deserve to suffer. So before you seek forgiveness from anyone, forgive yourself. Show yourself some kindness and love. It’s your first time here, take it easy on yourself. Its good that you changed and saw the error in your ways, now move on. You’re stuck.
Read a book called Awaken To Your True Self. It might help you.
If you go and ask for forgiveness before you truly forgive yourself, and those people don’t accept your apology, nothing internal is resolved still.
It’s crazy how we all seem to coincide with this feeling. For many years i made alot of mistakes. Alot of my mentality was me,me,me and everything i did was right and it was always someone elses fault. Even though deep down i knew that wasn’t true i had just rather comfort myself with that tale.
Gave my life to Christ March 9th after basically this right here, what you’re saying. Except i was in pretty bad shape. Hated who i was, hated what i brought my life to. I have good qualities of course we all do but i was just selfish in alot of ways and a toxic dumper and well, you get it.
God says we can be a new creation in Christ. Something secret happens in our spirit that starts to sift through our mess and replacing it with fruits of the spirit. I have more peace in my life than i’ve ever known. I don’t feel guilty because that girl just didn’t know any better. She thought she knew what was right but it always ended up on some dead end. It’s a testimony.
Jesus tells us to come confidently to the thrown.
I can sit in the things i’ve done and replay them over and over in my head until i’m mad or i can just say, that poor girl just didn’t know any better. Now i can confidently say i’m willing to learn and try.
That girl is dead, this girl wants to live for more than just herself.
If you don’t know Jesus, get to know him. He can help you with that guilt. Reconcile with as many people as you can.
Go find these people and talk to them about this. They will see that you’ve grown and I guarantee forgiveness is possible. They may have already forgiven you, in a way. Now you just need to take care of your end of things. It seems really scary and intimidating to take accountability, but the relief and peace you get afterwards is like nothing else.
It’s because you never had to take accountability for what you did.
You got away with two things that you shouldn’t have.
Not like this dang. Hopefully you can find peace somehow. Maybe confess to a Pastor ?