There’s this girl (26F) I (23M) go to uni with. We’re in the same degree and share almost all our classes. We’ve become really good friends, and it’s evolved into a romantic relationship. She really is perfect; funny and intelligent. But I have a problem with her looks.
I don’t think sex is the most important part of a relationship like this, but it is important and I just can’t get aroused with her. We’ve tried a few times, but she’s too tiny, petite, and her face and voice are very “cutesy”. She reminds me of a little child, and it completely throws me off. We’ve even tried with her facing away from me (like, on her fours), but it doesn’t help. And even if it worked, I’d still want to kiss her, look at her, and all those things.
It’s driving me crazy because we really really like each other. It’s not breaking the relationship yet, but if it keeps going like this, it might, I don’t know. We’ve talked about it, but there’s not much we can do. It’s not her fault, but it doesn’t feel like it’s mine either. She said to try next time with some makeup to make her look older, so we’ll see. But I don’t want that to be the long-term solution, and we’re not sure how to proceed.
Edit: Okay so, reading the comments, it seems like this is more of a me-thing. I want to try it with her, but maybe is better going our separate ways or trying the friendship route. Thanks for the answers
Comments
Bruh i don’t know if phased it wrong but if she reminds you of a small child then there’s your problem. It’s not her fault but once you’ve noticed your unfortunately only ever going to see her like that.
Nobody’s fault, sometimes it just doesn’t work out 🙁
Bro real talk stop being a weirdo about pedo things. You are fucking a woman. Women tend to be cute by definition. Cute women can be attractive too. You’re simply brainwashed by society for making you think you’re a pedo for fucking someone who looks younger, but it’s not the case bro relax
Begin with something simple like cuddling and increase the level accordingly probably could get you aroused idk honestly💀
She ain’t a lil kid though so you’re not being a pedo. Everyone’s just built differently it’s completely normal no need to think that way. She’s not a kid bro 😭😭
You don’t fancy her. Just have her as a friend
Dude… She must have felt horrible when you told her that she looks like a little kid. You gotta break this thing off before her self-esteem crumbles completely. I really mean it. She deserves better.
Sometimes we can’t over look things. Maybe you just don’t see her in a sexual light because you actually value her. It’s hard to immediately sexualise someone we deeply respect (there are studies on this). That doesn’t mean that everyone who gets aroused doesn’t respect the other person. It just means you only have respect for her right now. And the answer isn’t disrespect … the answer is time. Thats the thing – you can be easily aroused by someone who you’re not emotionally invested in because it’s easy to have naughty ideas. It’s harder to have naughty ideas of someone you value – they become a bit family like to us. I think the commenter who said start slow is right. Start slow. Start with holding hands and going for walks first week. Second week kiss. Explore kissing for a while. Third week discuss lingerie and kinks. And slowly slowly fourth week try again. It will happen- it’s a matter of time. And don’t baby her either – treat her like an adult in your head too. All of these things will help without her changing her looks or voice. It’s just a matter of shifting your perception slowly
Hey there, I know how you feel. Seeing your girlfriend as young is a common issue. Remember she’s a woman with her own beauty. Try focusing on the things you love about her, like her funny and intelligent side. Maybe exploring new ways to connect, such as cuddling or massage. What might help you see her in a different light?
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If you don’t like the body of the one you’re trying to shag, leave them. Don’t ruin their self esteem by picking their looks apart , just say “hey, this is not working out, thank you for your time ” and let them be with someone who actually likes them
Have you tried the blue pill? I get performance anxiety, and it was especially bad when we were trying for a kid. It helps.
I’m sorry but this got me crackin tf up 😭😅