I’m F, 21, and I have a casual relationship with a man 8 years older than me. We met on an app back in February and we’re from the same town, which makes it easier to meet. Our relationship is like teacher and student. We’ve met 11 times (I think).
We have unprotected sex and he’s almost my type lol. He’s so experienced. So perfect. He respects my boundaries. I even get all silly and think about him 24/7.
We’ve already had fights, because he didn’t like that I slept with other people. He got jealous, possessive, and so on. But he’s also distant and never shows that he wants anything more.
And I’m emotionally drained because I can’t separate the physical from the emotional. And I don’t know why I expect so much. He made it clear that he only wanted sex (casual and no commitment), nothing more — and I accepted that.
And now I feel way too connected, and it’s driving me crazy. I must be delusional lol, my mind has high expectations. In the end, I project meaning and end up suffering in silence. And it feels like I can’t handle this being just casual.
What should I do? How do I deal with this confusion?
Comments
Goodness, you’ve already acknowledged the problem, please cut contact and meet people your age.
Edit: and use protection
maybe have a conversation with him to see where the relationship will lead to in the future
step one: cut it off, define boundaries in serious/casual relationships (for yourself mainly) from this point on
step two: ✨use protection✨
I don’t think he was jealous, just afraid you are doing it unprotected with other people, putting him in harm.
Own up to your actions, start taking yourself seriously, otherwise a possible partner wouldnt either.
So you’re discovering what sex is actually about? Well there you go. You said it all…
First I would ask yourself the question.. is this connection with this man helping me or hurting me.. is it nourishing me or is it really just filling a void that I have within my self..
The best piece of advice that I received is to never make a home inside of somebody else. I used to relate to people in this way and in the end I attracted emotionally unavailable partners.. and each experience was pointing to the fact that I was not complete and whole within my self.
Once I did my own internal work to become more secure, I started attracting partners who were much more healthy and balanced, and weren’t playing childish games.
Also the fact that he is exhibiting jealous and possessive behaviour.. even though he is older than you, it sounds like he has the mind of an infant.
Honestly, you’ve dodged a bullet. You’re 21 and have so much of your life ahead of you. Don’t let one man child cloud your vision.
Come back home to yourself, and recenter. You’ll be fine!
An older guy with who you fight because he’s jealous and possessive but doesn’t want to commit VS you want a real relationship
So many red flags here, he wants you’ll be all his but yours only when he feels like it, he doesn’t respect you
You worth so much more than this, 21yo is young you can take your time to find the right person if you want to
(English isn’t my native language)
Edit: I agree use protection for him and anyone else in the future + maybe take a STD test?