Hello everyone, this is something I’ve genuinely been struggling for so long and I really, really need help with it. I’m close to being 18 but I’m still a minor and I’m not exactly sure what went down in my childhood to make me like this but I can’t stop having inappropriate, disgusting thoughts about an older man taking advantage of me.
It’s seriously so shameful and I keep seeking out pieces of media related to that and I always feel disgusted with myself afterwards but in the moment it’s genuinely what I crave but i know it’s horrible. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore and I needed to get this off of my chest since it’s swallowing me whole.. Any advice?
Comments
Try it out, you might like it….
Trauma messes with wiring. You’re not broken, just don’t act on it. Therapy helps and no need to hate yourself for thoughts you didn’t pick.
be careful online, and maybe do it as a roleplay later in life with a partner who respects you. I don’t think it’s shameful but you might really regret it if you act on it in the next couple years
Sometimes we want what we want
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Enjoy your younger years like theme parks and traveling. You’ll have all your adult life for sex which is pretty overrated.
What is wrong with the people in this thread saying they should act it out or just do it. OP is still a minor at the end of the day.
You may have experienced a traumatic situation sometime whilst growing up, or it could be something else entirely. Either way, I’d start with speaking to your Doctor to get a referral for a psychologist.
How old are you? How inappropriate are we talking?
It could be a result of trauma or it could just be a legitimate attraction you have. Either way, there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t ever feel like it’s wrong to have thoughts or desires. There is no norm you have to follow.
When you’re old enough to decide if you want to act on it you can
Please keep yourself safe. Make sure to report those who try to take advantage of you, they know the trigger now and will actively try to prey on you. Seek professional help because as you get older you’ll regret doing all that. Try to find a way to stop it because it will eat up your brain as you get older.
Just be VERY careful! You’re about to be inundated with all manner of illegal DMs. Wait until you’re an adult then explore, SAFELY!!
it sounds like ya got a power dynamic kink brewing😅. It ain’t uncommon or URL, but gotta stay safe. Make sure consensual & respectful boundaries y’know? make it partna knows what’s up
You can’t choose what thoughts pop up in our head, but we can definitely choose our actions..I’m not responsible for my thoughts but I am in my ….
[Cue inbox flooding with septagenarian DMs]
try watching a ton of documentaries where child get taken advantage of. i’m sure after those you won’t see it the same way. often time porn romanticizes the brutality of child abuse. the real thing is nothing but pure evil. i recommend watching the 2011 Silenced movie. educating your mind with the reality might change it.
Hell yea
if you are under 18. do not do anything until you are older.
if you honestly suspect some unremembered trauma may have enfluenced you.. seek counceling…
that said, people like what they like.
nobody should shame you for whatever you like, or engaging in it as long as all involved are consenting adults.
I was in the exact same boat as a teenager. Though I always knew I was bisexual. I’m in my 40’s now. I was SA’d as a kid. Now I just enjoy what I enjoy without judgement.
Trauma therapy can be helpful to understand yourself but there are also safe and healthy ways to engage in these fantasies.
My advice is just to be careful. I was hooking up with guys in their 50s when I was 15 onward. Eventually it became a habit of really dangerous sex with strangers and a speed addiction. I’m lucky to have not been killed.
As an older guy, you don’t have anything to offer in a relationship with somebody like myself. You may be attractive and beautiful but you lack experience and wisdom. I’m saying this because pedophilia does not offer adults anything of value.
Me to.… my childhood was weird
This post glows.
Trauma memories, even if they are somatic, are open ended. I’ll bet that what you keep imagining has no beginning and no end. Trauma memories tend to just be the shock and your system is looking to resolve the situation.
Your urges to relive it are part of your psyche wanting to own it and have control over it. It’s the wiring.
Don’t act on it. Find new ways to cope and avoid – therapists are great for this – and eventually you can move on. You may even need EMDR therapy.
Good luck. In the mean time, read up on toxic shame. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sorry what happened to you happened.
Look, fantasies are something everyone has. They’re not inherently bad or anything to be ashamed of. Down the line, when you’re older and more emotionally mature and intellectually developed, you may decide to participate in something that fills the bed of this fantasy on a safer level (think safe words, negotiation, communication, etc). And guess what? As two consenting adults, there will be nothing wrong with that either. Right now, it is better for you to keep this fantasy only. For health and safety and mental health as well.
There’s a million ways people develop fantasies like this, and (contrary to what ask the armchair psychologists on Reddit would have you believe), they don’t always stem from childhood trauma. In young ladies especially, society often plays more of a part than childhood trauma. We’re taught from birth that we’re not supposed to enjoy sex. That it’s somehow bad out evil or wicked or disgusting to enjoy sex for itself. Fantasies of being taken advantage of often stem out of that as a way to enjoy sex without the responsibility of instigating it. That’s just one example. Fantasies are a way to explore ideas and acts were curious about as well.
And there are situations where fantasies arise out of trauma or abuse, as a way to take back autonomy or act out an event with a more desirable outcome.
Please don’t act on these thoughts. At least not now. You’re still a minor, you still have a lot of emotional and mental development to experience and you don’t want to go into something like this recklessly and end up actually traumatizing yourself.
If you genuinely think there’s something that happened in your childhood, you could do to therapy. Just be very selective, as there’s been a lot of cases where, through controversial techniques (and debunked ones too), such as “past life regression” (just for example), people have cu m become convinced they were victimized in their childhood…sometimes even “recovering” memories of events that never happened…at the hands of inept, incompetent, or malicious therapists. Therapy can help a lot of people with a lot of issues but it is by no means a magic cure, or even a cure. A good therapist will walk you through healing or learning tools to help you be the best version of yourself, but it takes time, and sometimes many tries, to find the right fit.
There’s safe roleplaying and then there’s participation in sexual acts that could harm yourself or others. The later isn’t healthy. Please don’t take most of the comments being thrown at you seriously. These are people that are sick or don’t know what they’re talking about. If there are things youre concerned about seek a professional, or if you know what you’re dealing with and how to help yourself you can use google. I’d recommend a professional though
You were a victim. Abuse and trauma affect the brain. I hope the best for you ♥️
There’s nothing wrong with having fantasies I’ve definitely had weirder haha. No need to feel ashamed, though I can understand your discomfort approaching this one. Having this fantasy doesn’t mean you’ve experienced trauma maybe you have maybe you haven’t. There are safe ways to explore your interests and no need to figure it all out right away. Just make sure you always practice safe sex and find partners who care about your full enthusiastic consent and pleasure if you ever decide to try this one out
Happened to me during my life, a guy in his 30s, due to SA as a child. For some, it creates a fantasy that is incredibly satisfying to act out with someone you trust later in life. It’s not necessarily 1:1 recreation, but more so a similar dynamic being played out. My point is, there really isn’t any problem with acting out such fantasies in your life, you just need to be careful with who they are with.
Have you been watching porn or anything involving explicit material involving grown men? If so stop, that features grown men doing it with women,and the material featuring it triggers you, which would lead to fantasies about it.
Or maybe those are just thoughts, definitely wanna remind yourself that that’s in your head and that you shouldn’t act on it, wouldn’t want you getting kidnapped.
Last thing you wanna do is step in a car or any place with a grown man that you don’t know.
Speak to a therapist
Downvoted just to try and keep weirdos from seeing this 😑
I’m also a rape victim, and I now have a rape play kink. It’s unfortunate but completely normal as you deal with the trauma. I personally think it’s better than having shut down to the idea of sex at all. I was 16 at the time and am 30 now.
I found someone I’m very comfortable with who allows me to express that side of my sexuality when I need to, and honestly, it’s waned a lot over the last couple of years. In a way, it felt like I was taking control of the “rape” since I was agreeing to it (called CNC) and I’ve healed from it a lot. I don’t ever think about the original incident or the person who did it to me now. Humans are super weird psychologically.
Please note, I didn’t start exploring the sexuality of it until I was an adult and opened up about it to VERY close friend who was into the BDSM community. He took me to educational events where people showed others how to play safely (tie knots appropriately, apply pressure without damage, etc). I would highly recommend finding a sex therapist after you turn 18 to discuss your fantasies.
Hey I have a dryer you can get stuck in.. /s
Seriously though, as an older guy, don’t get yourself caught up in that.
Also there may be nothing wrong with you and you just have curiosities which are perfectly normal. Just wait till you’re legal and maybe try some role play or something with a safe person that you know well.
Or you could be pretty fucked in the head and have buried some trauma so far deep you don’t remember it.
Either way, a chat with a good therapist should help you get on track.
This is exactly what I’m like, genuinely down to a T. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself. I wish I had advice for you but I’m genuinely going through the same thing. Just know you are not alone ☹️
Damn, bro 😅 Ik this ain’t the average feelz in here, but tbh, there’s nothing wrong with a lil’ age gap action as long as it’s all consensual, ya know? But my dude, just make sure he ain’t using his years to manipulate ya or somethin’
pls keep yourself safe
Childhood trauma messes with us, it feels like it was normalised when it is anything but.
Almost seems like a bait post but whatever
Hope you find the help you need OP
Hey it might just be a phase. To be honest at 17 you are still going through lots of changes. Things you might think about now, might not be what you think about as you reach adulthood. You really don’t need to feel bad about these thoughts, might be worth talking to someone about it though if it is upsetting you so much. No need to feel bad honestly as everyone has weird and different thoughts, but it is not something to act on. Stay safe.
I know what you mean. There’s plenty of us guys that have the whole “would love to have an 18 year old girl again” mentality. Everyone has their kink and some of us just deal with it or have better compartmentalization than others.
Genuinely
One of the things about those kinds of fantasies is it sort of mentally allows you to indulge without the responsibility for deciding to indulge. If you think about this in the context of what you’ve been through, doesn’t that sound very very understandable?
The feelings of guilt you harbour for what happened — that YOU DO NOT DESERVE — are what you need to work through. Please do NOT add these persistent fantasies to your load! It’s normal. It’s COMMON. It’s expected.
What helped me more than anything was my online support group (which no longer exists). Find support wherever you feel SAFE. You will discover so many people thinking/feeling/going through the exact same things, and you’ll start to realise that not only are you Not A Freak, you’re not alone. 💜💫
If you were exposed to sexual things through abuse, your body was “programmed” to become stimulated or aroused in similar situations, even though it wasn’t intentional. It’s our body’s natural responses to being stimulated. Someone explained when someone tickles you, your body reacts. It’s a natural reaction. The abuse you endured was wrong, but your body reacted how a body reacts to that sort of thing. The trauma portion of it conditioned you to see sexuality as something that’s initiated in violating or uncomfortable settings, hence the thoughts about the older man. You will need to read about sexual trauma and the body to learn about the experience a bit more but make sure you’re taking care of yourself and have supports in place when you do (counselor, someone to talk to, maybe self care plans for after you do reading). I experienced similar. Hope this helps. <3
You will be ok just do you are you a guy or lady
OP… I understand the urge. Think about it, fantasize on it. Have fun. But, don’t act on it until you are 21. Just trust me on this, you’ll thank me later.
Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to about this ? School counselor, non conservative minister or such. Someone with training is better than online even though there have been some excellent and supportive responses
You need to love yourself if you’re ever going to be successful in life. It sounds like a normal desire to me, but i’m a guy so you really need a woman’s advice here.
I wish someone would have given me this advice when I was younger, about your age, and headed down a bumpy road. Find a counselor, shrink, book or any professional you can to confide in. Someone you can trust to both help build you up as a person and validate healthy desires while teaching you to identify unhealthy ones.
I didn’t have a lot of parental support growing up. I left home at 13-1/2, spent 3 years locked up and had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. The professional support, counseling etc I described above, helped me fill the void from lack of parents and be a better person. 🙂
Before anyone asks – Robbery 1st degree. 2 years, + escape + fighting + breaking into a closed gas station during escape etc.
Have you been abused or SA by a family member or an older person? Did something happen to you in your past? If this is not the case then perhaps your obsession is just curiosity? What age of a man do you consider “older”? My advice is to stay with men your own age until you experience enough with them, to then move on. 🙂
Trauma. Please seek a specialist.